tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24902661439808285092024-02-20T18:08:08.136-08:00ScarredHckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-18698275924670756072011-08-20T16:52:00.000-07:002011-08-20T16:54:10.640-07:00Chapter 41I stood in the bathroom staring at my reflection in the mirror. It was time to end this, to put this chapter of my life behind me. Hopefully for good this time. Patrick walked in and wrapped his arms around my waist.
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<br />“Ready to go?” he asked. I sighed.
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<br />“No, but I don't have a choice.” He placed a kiss on my forehead. When he let go I turned and followed him out of the room. It was time for court.
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<br />About a month ago Patrick and I went out for dinner. I didn't leave the house much unless it was for work, but he'd convinced me to go that night. We pulled into the driveway and found Quentin sitting in a chair on the front porch. He stood up when he saw us and I eyed him warily as I got out of the car.
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<br />“Sorry to be waiting, but I wanted to give you the news in person.” My breath caught in my throat. Could it be? “We got him.”
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<br />I hadn't been sure how I'd respond to the news. Would I laugh? Cry? Jump up and down? Fist pump like I'd seen Patrick do after a goal? Moonwalk? I did none of the above. My legs turned to jelly and I sank to the ground. Patrick and Quentin both rushed to my side.
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<br />“Gabby! Are you okay?” Patrick asked, kneeling down next to me. I looked up at him wide eyed and shrugged.
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<br />“I don't know.” He helped me inside and Quentin followed.
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<br />I sat on the couch and listened to what Quentin had to say. When he finished was when my laughter started. Apparently Vince had been staying in some fleabag motel you could rent by the hour under some alias. Prostitution was also prevalent at this place. A hooker got arrested and in a desperate attempt to stay out of prison for the third time she gave Vince up. The case had become a little high profile because of Patrick and she'd seen it on the news.
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<br />Now I was walking into the courthouse for the first day of the trial. Despite the evidence, Vince had plead not guilty and now I have to go through a trial with him all over again. I sat in a row and listened to the DA's opening argument as Patrick held my hand. When he was done it was time for Vince's lawyer. I clenched my jaw as I was portrayed as vengeful, as someone looking to put a person who made a mistake in the past back in jail because I was still angry. He said that instead of bringing the real criminal to justice I was trying to pin it on an innocent man I couldn't forgive. He said a lot of bullshit. I could feel Patrick's hand tightening on mine at everything Vince's lawyer said.
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<br />When the first part of the trial was over I was partly relieved and partly sick. It had gotten started so it would be over soon. I also still had to get on the stand and describe what he'd done to me and that was never easy.
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<br />We walked out into the hallway with the DA. He was telling us what would come next and what to expect. Patrick was listening and I was tuned out. While this was the first trial he'd experienced, I'd been through this before. I was looking around at all the other unfortunate people who had to go to court. And then I stopped dead in my tracks.
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<br />Standing on the other side of the hallway was someone I never expected to see. She was standing there looking at me and wringing her hands nervously. I was too in shock to do anything more than stand there and stare back at her. That was when Patrick realized I was no longer walking next to him.
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<br />“Gabrielle?” he called back to me. I didn't answer because she'd started making her way over to me.
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<br />“Hi,” she said quietly.
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<br />“Hi,” I repeated awkwardly. Patrick was now standing at my side, his hand on my back, looking between the two of us. Then his hand tightened on me and I knew he recognized her. “What are you doing here, Bailey?”
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<br />“I heard that the trial was starting and I wanted to be here,” she told me. I didn't get it. I didn't know why she'd come. Plenty of things had happened in my life that she'd been absent for, so why was this one any different?
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<br />“Thanks.” I wasn't sure what else to say. I hadn't seen my sister in 10 years. Suddenly I saw her eyes fill with tears and she covered her mouth with her hands.
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<br />“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is my fault. All of it. I should have been there. I'm your older sister and I abandoned you and you almost died. I don't know how you could ever forgive me. I just know that even though I wasn't there for you in the past when you needed someone, I'm going to be here now, as long as you'll have me.”
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<br />I didn't know what to do or say. I hadn't spoken to Bailey in 10 years and now suddenly she was standing here in front of me telling me that she was here to support me. I'd never seen my sister in distress, and I'd never seen her cry. I didn't think she was capable of it. Now I struggled between shock, anger, and hope as I watched her.
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<br />“Why don't you come back to our house? We'll talk there,” I suggested.
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<br />I knew full well that we couldn't have any sort of conversation standing here in the middle of the courthouse in front of hundreds of people. I didn't know what direction the conversation would take and I wouldn't chance an argument. And despite it all, I didn't want people seeing Bailey cry the way she was. I may not know my sister well, but I knew that was something she wouldn't want.
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<br />Bailey followed us back home and parked on the street. I held the door open for her and Loxley and Dudley greeted her at the front door. She widened her eyes in surprise at the two dogs winding themselves around her legs, tails wagging, before smiling and bending down to pet them both.
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<br />“I always wished Mom and Dad would let me have a dog,” she said as she accepted kisses from them both. That took me by surprise as well. I'd had no idea she liked dogs, or animals in general.
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<br />I led her into the living room and Patrick offered to get us something to eat or drink. We both declined, and he left us alone to talk. Bailey and I looked everywhere but at each other in an uncomfortable silence for what seemed like forever. I finally realized that someone needed to get this started and decided to just dive right in.
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<br />“I don't want to be rude, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I don't understand why you're here. Why now?” I asked. Bailey took a deep breath before answering.
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<br />“I feel guilty about everything. I have for a long time, but didn't know how to try to fix it. When this happened, I felt responsible and I had to come. I wanted to see if there would be a chance that you could ever forgive us.”
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<br />I was about to ask her why she could possibly feel guilty or responsible for what happened when it hit me. The family meeting Kaylen had called me about that had ended up being about Vince getting out of jail. I felt like someone had wanted to tell me. Now I knew. Bailey had wanted to warn me. Knowing that made sitting here across from her a little bit easier.
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<br />“They wouldn't let you tell me, would they?” I asked quietly, not wanting to hear the answer, but needing to. Bailey seemed just as reluctant to tell me.
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<br />“Mom and I tried, but they wouldn't listen,” she said, her voice filled with shame.
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<br />“Mom? Mom wanted to tell me?” I couldn't believe it. I hadn't expected that. Not after the way she'd treated me my entire life.
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<br />“That surprises you?” Bailey asked.
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<br />“All of this surprises me.” My head was spinning with conflicting emotions, just trying to make sense of what was going on.
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<br />“I guess I deserve that.”
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<br />“I didn't mean it like that. I just didn't expect this. I didn't think I'd ever seen any of you again, and now I've seen you all within the last year. It's just difficult. Especially after my death.....” I let my voice trail off. I hadn't intended on bringing that up, but it just came out. Now it was out there. And Bailey groaned.
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<br />“I was never okay with that. I didn't even know they were going to do it. They never told me. I had to read it in the newspaper. I didn't speak to them for months.”
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<br />Another wave of surprise hit me. This hadn't been a family decision? Bailey hadn't wanted to do that to me? She'd actually defended me? I hadn't expected that, or any of this. I was happy about it, but then again, what would that have changed? She defended me after the fact. Where was she when I'd needed someone to defend me when I still had a chance?
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<br />“I wish I'd known that.” She turned her gaze to the floor and sighed.
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<br />“How could I tell you? I wasn't there for you when it mattered. I didn't speak to them, but I didn't search you out either. I'm not like you. I couldn't ever stand up to them. You were always so strong, even as a child. I envied that, and I think that's why. You were who I wish I was, and I resented that.” And the hits just kept on coming.
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<br />“Strong? I let the whole family run me over. I hit rock bottom. That's not being strong,” I told her. She shook her head.
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<br />“No, you were strong. You still are. You didn't let them turn you into someone you weren't. You stood up to them, became your own person. Maybe you fell down, but you got back up. Weak people can't overcome addiction, especially without any support from family. I didn't want to be the way I was growing up, but I was too scared to challenge them. I just did what they said and there's not a moment of my adult life that I don't regret it.”
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<br />I'd had no idea that Bailey had ever felt that way about. I was caught so off guard by the admission. Here I had been, a child wishing I was more like my older sisters, when one of them was wishing she was more like me.
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<br />Bailey and I continued to talk, and I could feel any anger I'd held towards her melting away. She hadn't abandoned me, she'd just been too worried about what my family would do to her. And then she hit me with a bombshell, one that made so much sense when she said it. My mother was terrified of my father.
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<br />He never physically abused her, but the things he said, the power he wielded kept her in constant fear. She couldn't so much as disagree with him or the threats of being out on the streets, poor, disgraced, and unwanted would start. She hadn't wanted to kick me out, she just didn't have a choice. She wanted to return Olivia and my phone calls, but she was too afraid of being caught. She wanted to talk to me, to see how I was doing, but he'd killed me. The one time she'd stood up for me was the day they'd come to the hospital. My father hadn't wanted to go, but she wouldn't let up, and she finally fought him until he gave in.
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<br />I was crying by the time Bailey finished. The signs were all there. They always had been. How had I not seen it? How had I not seen the fear my mother had lived with everyday? How had I not seen the monster that my father was? I was trained to notice these things, and I'd neglected to see it in my own parents. I felt horrible.
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<br />“She wanted to come today but she was afraid you wouldn't want her here,” Bailey finally told me. I wiped away tears and sniffed.
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<br />“Tell her I do. Tell her I want her here if she wants to be.”
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<br />Bailey nodded and we sat in silence for a while. We'd talked about everyone on the family. I knew about Rachel and her family. I knew that Rachel had sided with my father on everything, but Bailey was sure it was because she didn't know how to do anything else. Being the first daughter had made Rachel the guinea pig and the most easily controlled.
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<br />There was just one person we hadn't discussed. Apparently my thoughts were written all over my face.
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<br />“She's beautiful, you know,” Bailey said, breaking the silence. My breath caught in my throat as Bailey grabbed her purse.
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<br />“What?”
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<br />“Quinn. She's the spitting image of you. I can look at pictures of you at her age and can't tell the difference. She's stunning.”
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<br />My breath caught in my throat as I glanced down at the photo that Bailey handed me. I stared down at the image of my daughter. It was the first time I'd seen her since I'd left. New tears came as I stared into eyes that looked just like mine. I didn't know what to say, and I was pretty sure that even if I had, I wouldn't be able to speak.
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<br />“She doesn't just look like you. She is you. It's funny how someone who didn't grow up knowing you can be just like you. She's strong-willed, independent, intelligent, funny, and artistic. Half the time the only thing she wants to do is paint, just like you. She's good at everything she does, just like you were. She's perfect.”
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<br />Hearing about Quinn, listening to Bailey describe her was almost too much. It hurt to hear it, but I couldn't get enough. I grilled Bailey about her. I had to know everything, no matter how badly my heart ached. I didn't know my daughter at all and this was all I had right now. Maybe someday, but for today, this would do.
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<br />Bailey stayed for dinner, and Patrick and I invited her to stay with us. The day's revelations left me needing to have her around, to get to know her. I wasn't sure how I felt about everything, but I had time to figure it out. All I knew at the moment was that I had a sister sitting across from me at the dinner table telling stories and laughing. I'd never expected that to happen again, and it felt amazing.
<br />HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-20780248391439889332011-03-23T19:43:00.000-07:002011-03-23T19:46:54.716-07:00Chapter 40So sorry it's been pretty much forever since I've posted. I'm still around, don't worry, but on occasion my life happens to suck. Nothing major or awful has happened, but things just keep coming up and happening. There might be a small window in here where I can get some writing done, but then life is going to get crazy again for a bit. I can't promise anything, but hopefully it won't be this long again. I also have a kind of wacky idea. I had a dream the other night and when I woke up I realized I could totally turn it into a short story. I've already gotten a little bit of it written, but I'm not sure if I should post it or not, so I'm going to leave it up to you guys. It'll definitely be short, maybe 10-15 chapters. What I'm not sure of is how long it will take me to finish it. Do you want me to start posting it as I go, with possible long gaps between, or should I save it until I have time to finish? Your choice! Now on to our scheduled programming.....<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />It was quiet in my hospital room. It had been since the day before. There had been virtually no conversation between Patrick and I since my parents had walked out of the room. I was just spent and hadn’t been up to listening to an explanation of how Patrick had known my parents and they had known him. He hadn’t offered one up either.<br /><br />He had stayed with me the rest of the day and night, but we’d just avoided talking. This morning looked like it was heading in the same direction. Patrick was here, sitting next to the bed, and we were just watching TV. The only other thing to do when you were stuck in a hospital bed was talk. I was ready to know now.<br /><br />“Why did you go see my parents?” He turned his head and looked at me, not quite in surprise, but in uncertainty.<br /><br />“I just wanted them to know what they’d done by not telling you that Vince was out of jail.” His explanation seemed true enough, it made sense, but he looked uneasy, like there was something else.<br /><br />“You didn’t have to do that.” He let out a sigh and turned his entire chair to face me.<br /><br />“There’s more.”<br /><br />“What do you mean, ‘there’s more’?” I asked.<br /><br />“I can’t stand what they did to you. When I got to the hospital and saw all the flowers and people that cared, I snapped. I wanted them to know that they didn’t just almost kill you by keeping things from you, but that they’d lost someone worth knowing. I wanted them to know that despite all they’d done, you’d become an amazing person in spite of them,” he said.<br /><br />I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. It obviously made me think about that other thing we had to talk about. That whole, what are we going to do about our relationship now, thing. I knew I was going to have to start that conversation. It was me that ran out on him afterall. I figured now was as just as good a time as any.<br /><br />“Patrick, I…..”<br /><br />“Good morning, Miss Tunney. How are you feeling today?” my doctor asked, walking through the door, cutting me off.<br /><br />“Better than yesterday,” I told him, like I had every other day he’d walked in here and asked.<br /><br />He went over a few things, checking my chart, all the things doctor’s do when you’ve been laid up in the hospital for over a week. I had to pick a bunch of numbers on a scale of 1 to 10 to tell him how much things hurt, and so on. It was like being back in elementary school all over again.<br /><br />“Well, Gabrielle, I have to say that things are going exactly the way we had hoped they would. I see no reason why we can’t discharge you today,” the doctor told me.<br /><br />“Really? I can go home?”<br /><br />I’d initially been excited and then the word hit me. Home. I didn’t have a home. Not one I could actually ever step foot into ever again. Where was I going to go? I forced a smile onto my face and thanked the doctor, even though I suddenly wished I had another week stuck in bed in a hospital.<br /><br />“Do you have a way to get home?” he asked.<br /><br />“I’ll give her a ride,” Patrick offered.<br /><br />“Good. Then I’ll send a nurse in with the discharge papers in a little bit. You can set up an appointment to come back and see me so I can check on your progress.”<br /><br />With that the doctor said goodbye and walked out of the room. I released a breath and turned to face the window. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Even if I managed to talk to Patrick before I was officially out of here, I didn’t think there’d be anyway that everything would be solved by then.<br /><br />“So where am I taking you?” he asked.<br /><br />“I can’t go home,” I whispered. Even just thinking about my apartment was bringing back some really bad memories that I only wanted to forget.<br /><br />“No, I wouldn’t think you’d want to. Am I bringing you to Paige’s, a hotel?” he pushed.<br /><br />I didn’t know how to respond or what to say. There was only one place I wanted to go, but it didn’t sound like it was going to be an option. I wanted nothing more than to have Patrick ask me to move in with him one more time. I wouldn’t make the same mistake and would accept this time around.<br /><br />“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, surprising Patrick as he grabbed my things together.<br /><br />“For what?” he asked.<br /><br />“Walking out.” He sighed and sat down on the bed next to me.<br /><br />“It hurt to come home and find that you were just gone, no explanation,” he told me. I’d never felt so ashamed about anything in my life.<br /><br />“It’s not a good excuse, but I panicked. And then instead of just letting me take time you pushed even more on me. I wasn’t prepared and I didn’t know how to handle it. I’ve always run and so I did it again. I ran away from the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’ve never regretted anything so much.”<br /><br />The nurse came in then with the discharge papers. I went over everything, signing where I needed to. Then I made the appointment to return to see the doctor. When I was done, Patrick helped me out of the bed and into the bathroom so I could finally change out of the hospital gown and into my own clothes.<br /><br />The nurse was waiting with the wheelchair when I came out. Patrick was already gone, having gone down to pull the car up to the door. Usually I would have fought taking the wheelchair out, but I was too weak and tired to fight. Patrick was there waiting when we got downstairs. He helped me into his car before he got in himself.<br /><br />“If Vince hadn’t gotten to me, I was going to come see you Sunday,” I told him. I could tell that caught him off guard.<br /><br />“Why?” he asked.<br /><br />“To apologize for doing something I thought I was past doing. I panicked and I ran like I always used to do, and it wasn’t fair to you. Not after everything you’ve done for me. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. Most of all, I shouldn’t have lied to you.”<br /><br />“I can’t say it didn’t hurt to find out that you would rather risk your own life than be with me.” A tear slipped down my cheek when he said that.<br /><br />“I wasn’t thinking clearly. I thought I was. I thought I’d figured things out, but I hadn’t. It was just too many things all at once. My family, Vince, what you said, it was too much at once. Instead of being rational I threw away the best thing to ever happen to me. I can’t even imagine how badly I hurt you. I hate knowing that. I’m just so in love with you that I do crazy and stupid shit because I’m terrified that I’ll screw something up and then I just end up doing it anyway. I’d spend the rest of my life trying to make this all up to you if you’d let me, and even then I know it wouldn’t be enough.”<br /><br />“Gabby, stop.” I did. I stopped talking. “Say it again.” I wasn’t sure what he meant. I looked at him, trying to figure it out when it hit me.<br /><br />“I love you.”<br /><br />“Jesus, I’d kiss you if I wouldn’t hurt you doing it.” I let out a small laugh as I lightly touched the split in my lip that still ached. “Am I pushing my luck if I ask if you’ll move in?” My smile grew.<br /><br />“I was hoping you’d ask me again.” He smiled back at me and put the car into drive, taking us home.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-72793471182025841012010-12-12T21:40:00.001-08:002010-12-13T11:56:29.348-08:00Chapter 39I've been working on this chapter forever and I still don't feel like I got it right. It feels like Gabby is too bitchy and bitter, but I guess she has a reason, right? Oh well, here it is. And if anyone cares, the song for this chapter is Bridges by Lifehouse. For some reason I couldn't get it to upload so I just wanted you to know.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I woke up in the morning to see Patrick sitting in a chair next to me, asleep in an uncomfortable position. I had no idea how long he’d been here, but I knew that he’d hardly been away from my side for the past three days. All except yesterday, when he’d been gone for most of the afternoon.<br /><br />We hadn’t talked much, not about what really mattered anyway. He hadn’t asked what was going to happen with us when I got out of the hospital, and I hadn’t initiated conversation either. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him how I felt, that I didn’t want to apologize, it was that I was scared that despite the fact that he’d been here, he wouldn’t forgive me.<br /><br />He began to stir as I watched him. I smiled when his eyes opened and he glanced over at me, like I was his first thought upon waking up. He smiled back when he saw me looking at him, grinning like an idiot.<br /><br />“Good morning,” I joked as he yawned and stretched out.<br /><br />“I was tired!” he defended himself. I felt my mood darken slightly.<br /><br />“You don't have to be here all the time you know,” I told him. His smile faded too.<br /><br />“I know that.”<br /><br />Those words hung in the air, the real meaning behind them going unspoken, but clear as day. We were both quiet as we kind of took it in, wondering who was going to speak first, what we should say. We had to talk. It had to happen, and now was as good a time as any. I just wasn't used to talks like this. I finally opened my mouth to say something when the door opened.<br /><br />My mouth closed quickly as my eyes widened in complete shock. I could feel my heart start to race as I saw who was in the doorway. I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment before opening them again and seeing that what I had seen was not a hallucination. They were really standing there in the doorway to my hospital room. I just didn't know how that was possible.<br /><br />I swallowed what felt like a basketball sized lump in my throat as they took a few steps into the room. Then I watched as my parents looked from me to Patrick. They gave him weak smiles and nods and he returned the gestures. What the hell was that?<br /><br />“Hello, Patrick,” my father said to him.<br /><br />“Sam, Vanessa,” he returned. I looked between my parents and Patrick, utterly confused. How the hell did they know each other. What was going on? “I'll wait outside.” I watched as Patrick stood up from his seat and walked out of the room, giving me one last glance before he did.<br /><br />“Oh, Gabrielle,” my mother sighed when the three of us were left alone. I clenched my jaw, fighting the urge to just tell them to get the hell out, to not even pretend that they cared I was laying in this hospital bed.<br /><br />“Are you okay?” my father asked. I choked back the laugh that threatened to leave my mouth.<br /><br />“I'm in the hospital on strong painkillers with a couple fractured ribs, a concussion, stitches in my face, and recovering from a rape. Other than that, I'm just fine,” I responded.<br /><br />My words had their intended effect, on my mother at least. She let out a gasp, covering her mouth with her hand. My father stood there, his face like a statue, not displaying any emotions. Something he'd learned in politics that he now used on his own daughter like I was a stranger.<br /><br />“What are you doing here?” I asked.<br /><br />“We came to see how you were,” my mother said, her voice shaking slightly.<br /><br />“Now you've seen me.”<br /><br />“Gabrielle, please,” my mother begged.<br /><br />“Please what? Be grateful that after 10 years you showed up for once?” I was past being diplomatic when it came to my family. They'd inflicted so much hurt, even after all this time. I knew I'd never fully heal if I couldn't tell them how I felt.<br /><br />“Don't talk to your mother like that,” my father scolded me, like I was still 8 years old.<br /><br />“Mother?” I laughed derisively. “Mothers don't abandon their children when they need them. Neither do fathers now that I think about it.”<br /><br />“I told you this was a mistake,” my father said, turning to my mother who looked like she was about to break down.<br /><br />“Can't handle the truth, Dad?” I asked. He turned back to me, a glare fixed right on my face.<br /><br />“Let's go, Vanessa,” he ordered. I wasn't done, however.<br /><br />“Wait, please. You came all this way. We should have a talk.” My father shook his head and took my mother's arm, pulling her toward the door.<br /><br />“Sam, wait,” I heard her say to him. He looked like he wanted to argue, but thought better of it and turned back around. My mother turned her teary gaze back on me. “Say what you have to say.”<br /><br />I took a moment trying to figure out exactly what I did and didn't want to say. I hadn't had time to prepare, to think this out. I didn't want to just go off on them. I wanted to let them know effectively what they'd done to me. I wanted them to see that I'd turned into a good person, and I'd done it without them. I wanted them to see what they'd lost. There was just one thing I had to know first.<br /><br />“How did you know Patrick?” I asked.<br /><br />“He came to see us yesterday,” my father replied.<br /><br />I was surprised by that since Patrick hadn't said a word. Why hadn't he told me what he was doing, even if it was after the fact? Why had he done that? Those were questions for him however, and right now I had my parents to contend with.<br /><br />“I spent my whole childhood wishing that you both would love me even a fraction as much as you loved Rachel and Bailey. I felt then that you didn't, and I know now that you didn't. Even so, I did everything I could think of to prove to you that I was worthy of love, that I wanted nothing more than to have you proud of me.”<br /><br />“You had a funny way of showing it,” my father interrupted. I narrowed my eyes at him.<br /><br />“You know what? When being good didn't work I thought being bad might be how I'd finally get your attention. I'd spent too many soccer games and concerts looking into the crowed to see the empty space where you two should have been. I figured it was easier to ignore the good things I did than the bad, so I rebelled. I did it on purpose just so you'd notice me.”<br /><br />I took a moment to let that sink in. I watched as my mother's expression transformed from sadness to surprise to understanding. I looked at my father waiting to see what his reaction would be, but it was stone cold. There was nothing in his eyes that told me he gave a damn about what I was saying at all.<br /><br />“When you kept ignoring me I did things that were worse hoping they would work. Eventually I got out of control and I couldn't stop. I needed help. I'd never needed you more than I did then, and you still ignored me. All you cared about was your stupid public image and not your own daughter. I was beaten, raped, and pregnant as a result and you weren't there. I got clean for Quinn and then overdosed after a panic attack and almost died. Your response was to kick me out instead of getting me help. What kind of parent doesn't even try?”<br /><br />“Until you raise children, you can't ask that question,” my father said through clenched teeth.<br /><br />“You wouldn't let me raise my own! You took her from me! Maybe I wasn't ready to be a parent then, but I changed. Olivia took me in, sent me to rehab and to school. I cleaned up, I got better. I made something of myself and you ignored every phone call, every letter I sent trying to tell you. I went through family counseling sessions without family, had no one there for either of my graduations, and had no one to call when I got my first job. I stopped trying after a while because I realized you would never be back in my life. I accepted that. You never cared about me or loved me, and that's fine. I survived and I became a good person without you.”<br /><br />Telling them all this was draining. I could literally feel my energy just leaving my body at every word I spoke. Oddly enough though, I didn't want to cry. No tears threatened to fall and I figured that was a good thing. I was now officially over my past.<br /><br />“Look around at everything in this room. This is how much I mean to the people I have in my life now. I don't need you to be happy anymore, because the people I have in my life now have shown me what real love is. Love is filled with laughter, caring and charity, not faked obituaries.”<br /><br />Finally there was a crack in my father's shell. It was slight, but I saw the flash of embarrassment in his eyes and the twitch of his mouth. So he did have a soul. My mother on the other hand was visibly crying now, hit the hardest by my last sentence. I wasn't happy to see her cry, but they had to know what they'd done.<br /><br />“Thank you for coming to see me. I really do appreciate it. I'll never forget it.”<br /><br />My mother looked up at me through wet eyes and looked like she wanted to say something, but my father didn't give her the chance. He took her by the arm and led her out of the room. I watched them until they disappeared from view. That was when Patrick came back into the room.<br /><br />“Are you okay?” he asked. I thought for a moment and then realized that I was smiling. He looked at me strangely as my smile continued to grow bigger.<br /><br />“Yes, I really am.”HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-5391420220729948812010-11-09T08:51:00.000-08:002010-11-09T09:09:40.340-08:00Chapter 38Patrick left the hospital room to give Gabby some time alone with Olivia. She’d just gotten into Chicago this morning and he knew that Gabrielle was going to need to talk to her. He got onto the elevator and took it down to the first floor before walking outside and pulling out his phone. He’d been granted time off from practice today and tomorrow at least to stay with Gabrielle while she was in the hospital. He’d promised to give an update and he left a message on Tazer’s phone.<br /><br />It was cold outside so he made his way back inside and went to the cafeteria. He wasn’t hungry, but he grabbed a coffee and sat down to drink it before he’d start to make his way back to Gabrielle’s room. It had been hard for him to see her lying in bed looking the way she did. That bastard Vince had done this to her a second time. He wanted to kill him. However, he knew that he needed to leave this to the police. If Quentin was telling the truth, Vince wasn’t going to be getting out of jail when they caught him and sent him back.<br /><br />There was however, some people that he could blame. He had half a mind to go to St. Louis right now and knock on their door to tell them exactly what he thought of them. He knew he couldn’t, but it didn’t stop him from wishing. He just couldn’t imagine cutting your child out of your life to the point that you hide something that could potentially end in their death. Then again, he supposed they had already killed her once already.<br /><br />He finished his coffee and made his way back upstairs to Gabby’s room. If her and Olivia were still talking, then he’d just wait in the lounge that was provided on the floor until they were done. When he reached the door he saw that there were more people than just Olivia in the room. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was Paige, Isaiah, Gia, and Nathan.<br /><br />“And see, I got a B on my English essay,” he heard Nathan announce as he handed something over to Gabrielle.<br /><br />“That’s great Nathan. I’m glad your grades are going up in that class, but are you enjoying reading any of the books you’ve been writing about?” she asked him.<br /><br />“We’re reading Heart of Darkness right now, and I actually really like it,” he told her. She smiled at him.<br /><br />“Heart of Darkness is a great book. I’m not surprised that you like it. And what have you been up to?” Gabby asked, turning to Gia.<br /><br />“I think I’ve got most of my portfolio done for college applications,” Gia said. Gabrielle’s smile grew when she heard that.<br /><br />“Any chance you have it with you and I can look at it?” Gia beamed at Gabby’s interest and produced the portfolio from a bag she was carrying.<br /><br />Gabby started to flip through the pages, offering up encouragement and praise as she went. It was amazing to him. Gabby had just nearly died, she was stuck in bed in a hospital, and she was still finding ways to be there for her kids. He just didn’t know anyone else that would do something like that.<br /><br />The sight in front of him spoke volumes. He knew if she had the choice she wouldn’t want the kids to see her like this in the hospital, yet she cared enough to swallow her own pride so they could come and see her. It was also telling that teenagers were even making time to go to the hospital to visit her. She obviously meant a lot to them too.<br /><br />He didn’t really need to see this scene to know that. The fact that her room was filled to the brim with stuffed animals, cards, and bouquets of flowers from his teammates and their families, faculty from the school, and even parents of students who had come to see her showed him how much she was loved. It made him even angrier at her family.<br /><br />“I have some stuff to do today. Are you going to be okay without me here until tonight?” Patrick asked her early the next morning. She gave him a look that told him his concern was unnecessary.<br /><br />“I have Paige and Olivia to stay with me, along with all the hospital staff, and the rotating cast of police at my door,” she assured him.<br /><br />“Okay, I’ll be back tonight.”<br /><br />He turned and walked out of her room and then the hospital. He got into his car and drove straight to the airport. Gabrielle would kill him if she knew what he was doing today, but he had to do it. He couldn’t just sit by and let her be treated the way she had been. He checked in, went through security, and then waited at the gate for the plane to St. Louis to board.<br /><br />He’d practically begged Quentin for Gabby’s parents’ address. He’d finally caved and found it for him. Patrick had immediately booked a flight with the information in hand. The flight was only about an hour, so he had plenty of time to get to St. Louis, talk to her family, and then fly home in one day.<br /><br />The plane touched down and he headed straight for the line of taxis. He rattled off the Tunney’s address and went over what he wanted to say in his head for the billionth time. It was all he’d been able to think about since yesterday afternoon. He was dropped off at an enormous estate. Gabby wasn’t kidding when she said she came from money. He walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. It was answered by a housekeeper.<br /><br />“Hi, I was wondering if Mr. and Mrs. Tunney were at home,” he told her.<br /><br />“Can I ask who’s calling?” the women questioned him with a wary eye.<br /><br />“My name is Patrick Sharp. I’m a friend of their daughter’s.”<br /><br />At the mention of a relationship to one of their children, he was ushered inside and led into a room that probably was only used as a formal sitting area to entertain guests. He almost felt like he should be taking his shoes off and not sitting on the furniture. The housekeeper told him the Tunney’s would be with him shortly before she left him alone in the room.<br /><br />He took the opportunity to look around him. There were many pictures along the mantle of a fireplace in the room. Most looked like pictures of Gabrielle’s sisters. Not a single one held Gabby’s image. He clenched his jaw and had to force himself to calm down. It was then that he heard footsteps coming into the room.<br /><br />“Mr. Sharp, I’m Sam and this is my wife Vanessa,” Gabrielle’s father introduced them as he walked in. Patrick shook both of their hands and forced a smile onto his face.<br /><br />“Please, call me Patrick.”<br /><br />“Okay, Patrick. Please, have a seat,” Sam said, gesturing to the chair behind him.<br /><br />Patrick obliged and sat down opposite the Tunneys. He got the impression just looking at them, that Gabrielle’s father took control and her mother simply stood there smiling in silent support of her husband. She seemed more a trophy than a spouse.<br /><br />“Thank you for inviting me into your home despite never having met me before.” Patrick figured it was best to start off on the right foot so he’d be able to say all he planned on saying before he was asked to leave.<br /><br />“That’s not a problem. Can we get you anything? A drink perhaps?” Vanessa asked, speaking up for the first time. Patrick assumed that it was her job to offer the comforts a guest might want.<br /><br />“No, thank you.” Before the conversation could continue, a white blur sped into the room.<br /><br />“I finished my spelling. Can I please go and paint now?” a little girl asked.<br /><br />Patrick was taken aback by the sight of the young girl. It didn’t take a genius to know that he was looking at Quinn. She was the spitting image of Gabrielle. They had the same hair color, the same eyes, nose, and mouth. Even the little giggle she emitted after asking was identical to a laugh he’d heard come out of Gabrielle. And she liked to paint.<br /><br />“Quinn, honey, we have company,” Sam prodded. Quinn turned her eyes to Patrick and gave him a polite smile. “This is Mr. Sharp.”<br /><br />“Hello, Mr. Sharp,” she greeted him. It seemed too formal. She seemed too formal.<br /><br />“Hello, Quinn.” She then turned her eager attention back to her grandparents.<br /><br />“Why don’t you go on up and change into your art clothes. I’ll come up when I’m done down here to get your supplies,” Vanessa told Quinn. She let out a little squeal of delight before turning and bolting from the room.<br /><br />“That was our granddaughter, Quinn,” Sam announced.<br /><br />“She’s beautiful,” Patrick responded truthfully. Part of his heart ached knowing that he’d seen and spoken to Quinn when Gabrielle hadn’t since she’d left 10 years ago.<br /><br />“So did you say that you knew Rachel or Bailey?” Sam asked. Here we go, Patrick thought.<br /><br />“Actually, I know Gabrielle,” he replied. He watched as the smiles faded off of both of their faces. He knew he’d caught them completely offguard, and he felt a little satisfaction in that.<br /><br />“We haven’t spoken to Gabrielle in 10 years now,” Sam told him, his expression dark.<br /><br />“I know that. Gabby told me all about her past,” Patrick responded.<br /><br />“So what can we do for you?” Sam questioned. Just get it out, before they have a chance to kick you out, Patrick told himself.<br /><br />“I just thought that despite not speaking to her, and going so far as to kill her in a false obituary that you would want to know that she’s in the hospital. She almost died the other day, for real this time.” He could see that his little shot had gotten to both of them. His anger threatened to boil over, and he had to struggle to keep it under control.<br /><br />“What happened?” Vanessa asked, a hint of a tremor in her voice. Based on that tremor, and the look on her face when he’d announced why he was here, he thought maybe Vanessa and Sam weren’t on the same page when it came to Gabby.<br /><br />“Do you remember the name Vince Dodds?” Patrick asked. Vanessa let out a small gasp at the sound of his voice. “It seems that he was released from prison and despite being told she’d be notified, no one ever told Gabby. He found her, and raped and beat her, almost killing her in the process.”<br /><br />“We’re very sorry to hear that. Thank you for letting us know,” Sam said.<br /><br />Patrick understood a dismissal when he heard one. He got up from his seat and made a move to leave the room, and Gabrielle’s parents behind. When he reached the entryway to the room he paused and turned back. He wasn’t done, even if they didn’t want to hear it.<br /><br />“She’s not the same person you kicked out 10 years ago. She got clean, went to school, and got a degree. She’s a school psychologist helping students in any way she can. She cares more about those kids than herself. She’s sweet, kind, funny, loving, and remorseful. Everyone who meets her loves her. She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met. It’s up to you what you do with this information. I just wanted you to know that she’s made amends. Have you?”<br /><br />He didn’t wait to hear or see a reaction if there was any. Instead he headed for the front door and let himself out. He called another taxi and met it at the end of the street. The taxi dropped him off at the airport where he waited until he could board a plane back to Chicago. Once back he drove straight to the hospital and walked into Gabrielle’s room, feeling so much lighter than when he had left.<br /><br />“Did you get everything done?” she asked him. He smiled before bending down and placing a soft kiss on her forehead.<br /><br />“Yeah, I did.”HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-56731917591279444302010-10-28T15:28:00.000-07:002010-10-28T15:29:55.545-07:00I feel like I'm always apologizingNo, I have not forgotten about Patrick and Gabby. There's still so much for them to go through coming up, but life has gotten in the way of writing it all out and sharing it with you all. I'm so sorry, but hopefully I'll have an update up sometime soon. Thanks for your patience!HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-54866873838183101002010-10-15T19:42:00.000-07:002010-10-15T19:52:17.451-07:00Chapter 37Patrick practically leapt out of Tazer’s truck before it even came to a complete stop. Even so, Tazer was hot on his heels as he ran into the hospital. He’d called Quentin Monahan back on his way here to find out what room Gabrielle was in. Now he was weaving through people to the elevator that would take him to her floor.<br /><br />He and Tazer both stood impatiently as the elevator seemed to stop on every floor on the way up. When they’d finally reached the floor they both ran out and headed straight to where Patrick could see Quentin standing outside of a room. Quentin glanced up at the commotion in surprise only to hold his hands out to slow the two of them as they approached.<br /><br />“Where is she?” Patrick asked in a panic.<br /><br />“In the room behind me. Whoa, hold on. We need to talk,” Quentin said, holding out a hand to stop him from rushing in.<br /><br />“Let me just see her!” he insisted, desperate to know if Gabrielle was okay or not.<br /><br />“Sharpie,” he heard Tazer whisper as he placed a hand on his shoulder. Patrick let out a deep breath but then nodded.<br /><br />“What was Gabrielle doing at her apartment?” Quentin asked. Patrick’s eyes widened in surprise. Her apartment? Gabrielle wouldn’t have gone to her apartment.<br /><br />“What do you mean? She was there?” he asked. Quentin narrowed his eyes a little and nodded.<br /><br />“You didn’t know that she’d go back there?” Patrick shook his head.<br /><br />“We got into a fight. She moved out of my place a week ago. She told me she was staying with a friend. I have no idea why she’d go back there. She knew it was the one place Vince could get to her.”<br /><br />“You two had a fight?” Quentin questioned. Patrick suddenly understood what was going on and held his hands up in self defense.<br /><br />“Hey, am I a suspect here? I was out all night. I was with Tazer here,” he said pointing over at him. Quentin sighed.<br /><br />“No, you’re not. These are just standard questions I have to ask. We talked to the neighbors. Apparently Gabrielle had been living in her apartment for the past week,” Quentin told him.<br /><br />Patrick felt sick. She’d lied to him. She’d lied right to his face about where she’d be staying when she walked out. It was part of the reason he’d let her go, because he thought she’d be safe. To think that she’d rather be alone in her apartment while Vince was out there and could easily get to her instead of be with him hurt more than anything else had ever hurt him before.<br /><br />“A neighbor heard crashing coming from Gabrielle’s apartment and knowing what had happened before called the police. Whoever was there was gone when they arrived, but another neighbor had seen a man with a ponytail and facial hair that he’d never seen in the building before walking down the hallway just before police arrived,” Quentin continued.<br /><br />“I can’t believe she’d do that. I don’t understand. Is she going to be okay?”<br /><br />That moment was just like a bad TV show. It was like how just as someone happens to mentions something, something related to that statement miraculously seems to happen at that exact moment. Suddenly there was a sort of alarm going off from the room Gabrielle was in and nurses and doctors began to rush in, pushing them all out of the way. Patrick watched from the window as Gabrielle was surrounded by them.<br /><br />He couldn’t see what they were doing to her. He had no idea what was even wrong. All he knew was that Gabrielle was in the hospital and something was happening to her right now. He watched in horror as the doctors yanked the bed away from the wall and pushed it out of the room. He watched helplessly as they pushed her unconscious body past him and down the hall towards the OR.<br /><br />“No. Gabby, no,” he managed to choke out, covering his face with his hands.<br /><br />Tazer helped him to a chair in a waiting area where he sat and stared at the floor, rocking, shaking, and wringing his hands nervously. He couldn’t lose her. If anything, this had shown him that he needed her in his life. He didn’t know how he’d go on if she was gone. He waited in silence, even as a few of his other teammates showed up to wait with him.<br /><br />A doctor walked out and immediately made his way over to Quentin, who had stuck around as well. Patrick figured there’d at least be one cop here at all times to look out for Vince in case he’d decided he hadn’t had enough. It didn’t occur to him until this moment that maybe they were waiting to see if they were going to charge Vince when they caught him with battery or murder.<br /><br />“What’s going on? Is she okay?” Patrick questioned, making his way over to the doctor and Quentin.<br /><br />“She’s stable. Her brain was swelling and she wasn’t getting enough oxygen so we had to remove a piece of her skull and relieve the pressure. It seems to be under control. We’ll have to wait and see on the rest until she wakes up,” the surgeon explained. It all sounded horrible to Patrick, but there had been two words he hadn’t missed.<br /><br />“She will wake up?” he questioned.<br /><br />“We can’t know for sure. There was a lot of trauma to the head, but she seems to be a fighter. I’m optimistic that she will, but the longer she’s unconscious the less likely it will become.” Patrick nodded and let out a deep breath.<br /><br />“Can I see her?” he asked.<br /><br />The surgeon led him and the group of his teammates who were here with him to another room. They were informed only one person was allowed inside at a time, but that wasn’t an issue. Only Patrick was going to go in, the rest of the guys were just there as support. He was told what to expect to see when he went in, but it didn’t take any of the shock away.<br /><br />Gabrielle was lying there with a bandage wrapped all the way around her head. Her face was swollen and all different shades of black, red, and purple. There were stitches in her left eyebrow and cheek, and her lip was split. If they hadn’t told him it was Gabby, he might have had a difficult time recognizing her. He sat down in the chair next to her and grabbed her hand.<br /><br />“Gabby, it’s Patrick. I’m here, Babe. I’m going to be right here until you wake up. I don’t care what happened with us a week ago. I just need you to wake up. I need to see those beautiful eyes again. Do me that one favor and please wake up soon,” he begged. He didn’t know if she could hear him, but he talked to her anyway.<br /><br />“Excuse me, Mr. Sharp?” a woman’s voice called to him from the door. He turned to see a nurse standing there motioning for him to follow her into the hallway. He gave Gabrielle’s hand a kiss before doing just that. “There is no contact information for Miss Tunney and I was wondering if you knew about any family we should inform.”<br /><br />“No. There’s no family. I mean, she has them, but they don’t speak and haven’t in 10 years.” The nurse nodded and made a note. Patrick suddenly remembered something then. “Wait, there is someone. Olivia. She took Gabrielle in when her family kicked her out. She’s like a mother to her. I have her number.”<br /><br />Patrick pulled the number up on his phone and gave it to the nurse to copy down. Once she had he went back into Gabrielle’s room to wait. He wasn’t going to leave this room again until she woke up. It didn’t matter how long it took, he wasn’t leaving, because he just knew that eventually Gabrielle was going to wake up.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I could faintly make out a beeping sound that seemed to get louder each beep. I couldn’t figure out what it could possibly be. Then the foggy feeling struck me. It was a strange feeling, one I couldn’t figure out either. The throbbing came last. It wasn’t necessarily painful, just unpleasant, and it seemed to me that it might hurt if I didn’t feel like I was so out of it.<br /><br />I struggled to figure out why the hell I felt like this and what the hell was beeping as I began to open my eyes. My first instinct was to close them again as soon as the light hit them, but I had to figure out what was going on. I forced my eyes to open, batting my eyelids a few times to try to help the process.<br /><br />“Gabby?” I heard a voice say. I felt someone squeeze my hand and I turned my head slightly to see who was there. The pain that shot through me at the movement told me what a bad idea that had been.<br /><br />“Patrick?” I asked, the voice suddenly recognizable.<br /><br />“Oh, god, you’re okay.” Okay was relative at this point in time, I thought.<br /><br />“What’s going on? Where am I?” I asked, his face coming into view.<br /><br />“You’re in the hospital,” he told me.<br /><br />Before I had a chance to ask him what had happened there was a flurry of movement and I saw more people enter the room. Patrick backed away as the doctor and nurse approached me. I was asked a few questions about how I felt and I answered them the best I could. Finally I had my unspoken question answered.<br /><br />“You were attacked last night,” Patrick told me as I looked up at him. I could see Quentin standing beside him.<br /><br />“I was what?” Someone had attacked me?<br /><br />“Do you remember anything?” Quentin asked. I closed my eyes and tried to think, to remember. My mind drew a blank and I opened my eyes to tell them.<br /><br />“No, I don’t…..” Suddenly I had a flash of memory. “Oh, Jesus, it was Vince.”<br /><br />“Are you sure?” Quentin asked. Was I sure? Was what I was remembering from last night or from the time he’d attacked me before?<br /><br />“Yeah, I think so.” I pictured Vince in my mind and tried to figure it out. That’s when I realized I was picturing Vince with a ponytail and facial hair, neither of which he had when he’d first attacked me. “Yes, it was Vince.”<br /><br />“Can you tell me what happened? Anything you remember?” Quentin prodded.<br /><br />I closed my eyes again and struggled to remember what had actually happened. I told him what I could remember, and some of his questions prodded new pieces to pop into my mind. I watched as Patrick’s face twisted into shock and anger as I talked. He looked ready to kill somebody.<br /><br />After I finished telling Quentin all that I could remember I began to feel tired. I knew from my previous experiences in the hospital that it was probably from the drugs. Quentin left the room and Patrick sat down in a chair next to the bed. I looked over at him and our eyes connected. I could see the worry in them.<br /><br />“You’re here,” I finally managed to choke out, tears filling my eyes.<br /><br />“Of course I am. I couldn’t be anywhere else right now,” he told me.<br /><br />I did my best to smile over at him as he gave my hand a squeeze. I wanted to stay awake, to talk to him, but my body had other ideas. The last thing I remembered thinking was how happy I was that he was there by my side.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-87521288562138639732010-10-01T21:52:00.000-07:002010-10-01T22:08:58.673-07:00Chapter 36I walked out of Paige’s after giving Loxley a long hug. I missed not having him around all the time, but I hadn’t wanted to risk anything happening to him if Vince got to me. Now I may not have to worry about that anymore if tomorrow went the way I hoped it would.<br /><br />I was still planning on going over to Patrick’s in the afternoon. I fully intended on groveling at his feet and begging for him to forgive my momentary lapse of sanity. I knew how I really felt about him now, and I wasn’t afraid of it anymore. Hopefully he’d be able to forgive me for what had to be the millionth time in our relationship.<br /><br />I got out of my car and walked inside the building, stopping to grab my mail on the way. The entire ride up the elevator and walk down the hallway to my apartment door I practiced and revised the speech I was going to give him in my head.<br /><br />I was so distracted that I realized just a second too late that the doorknob had turned in my hand before the key had unlocked it. I nearly stumbled through the doorway in surprise. I caught myself even as my brain screamed at me to turn around and run.<br /><br />My legs didn’t react in time. The world went dark before I ever saw anything coming. Suddenly I felt like a thousand sharp objects were being shot through my skull. My head was throbbing and I quickly remembered feeling like this once before in my life. My vision began to come back slowly, but everything was still blurry.<br /><br />At some point I realized I was lying on the ground surrounded by my mail. I let out a groan of pain as a bout of dizziness joined the stabbing sensation. I tried to move, to push myself up off of the floor, but it didn’t seem as if my brain and the rest of my body were currently connected. Then a blurry figure moved into view.<br /><br />“Hello, Gabrielle.” My stomach clenched at the sound of the voice.<br /><br />Suddenly I felt my arm being grabbed and then I was being pulled up to my feet. I struggled to get my feet under me and hold me up. I could see clearer now and took in the sight of my attacker as he stood and grinned at me.<br /><br />Ten years in prison maybe have gone by, but Vince didn’t look all that different. His hair was longer, pulled back into a ponytail. He had a goatee that I’d never seen on him before. The one thing that hadn’t changed at all was that sick expression. It was the same one he’d worn the night he had beaten and raped me.<br /><br />“Vince,” I managed to choke out. He laughed at the sound of his name.<br /><br />“Good, you remember me.” Like I would have ever been able to forget him. “It’s nice of you to let me into your home.”<br /><br />“What are you doing here?” I chose my words carefully to try to keep from angering him. I figured that as long as I kept him talking I might be able to find a way out of this.<br /><br />“I just wanted to visit an old friend.” He was still gripping my arm and began to pull me into the living area, and further away from the door.<br /><br />“You greet friends like this often?” I asked. I grimaced as soon as it came out of my mouth, but I hadn’t been able to help myself.<br /><br />“Friends that send me to prison, yeah,” he growled at me. He threw me down onto the couch and then sat down next to me. “I thought we could talk.”<br /><br />“About what?”<br /><br />“The last ten years of my life. Did you know that prison isn’t a cake walk? It seems there’s a hierarchy among criminals if you can believe that. Guess where convicted rapists land on the totem pole.” I looked at him, but didn't respond. “They’re a fucking step above pedophiles, Gabrielle. The fucking bottom!”<br /><br />His fist connected with my cheek as he yelled out the last sentence. I let out a cry of pain and surprise at the action. Immediately I put my hands up to my face and when I pulled them away I saw blood on them and tasted it in my mouth. I needed to find a way out of here, and fast.<br /><br />“I’m sorry,” I apologized.<br /><br />“You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry?!” he yelled jumping up from the couch to tower over me. “You should be. You put me in that hell hole. You ruined my life. While I was in there rotting away you were out here living the life apparently,” he said gesturing to my apartment.<br /><br />I could feel the two blows to my head starting to get to me. My vision was less than perfect and I could feel my eye swelling shut. I didn’t have a whole lot of time to make my move and get away from him. I watched him as he paced around my apartment continuing to rant about how I’d ruined his life.<br /><br />I swallowed hard as I tried to gauge his route and his speed. I wasn’t paying any attention to the things he was saying anymore, I was just trying to focus on his movements. Then I saw it, my only chance. He had his back to me and was as far from me as he could really get. I gritted my teeth against the pain, jumped up from the couch and ran for the door.<br /><br />“You bitch!” I heard him yell from behind me. His footsteps echoed through the apartment as he chased me.<br /><br />“Help me! Someone please!” I screamed as loud as I could.<br /><br />I was nearly at the door when I felt my legs being knocked out from under me. I yelled in pain as I hit the floor with a thud. Vince spun me around so I was facing up as he grabbed my ankle and dragged me across the floor. I started to scream out again, but Vince pulled me up and clasped a hand over my mouth. Then he threw me back against the wall, my head hitting it hard. The dizziness started to take over.<br /><br />“Shut up. Shut the fuck up! I’ve had it with you!” I struggled in his arms, but he pulled me into the bedroom and threw me down on the bed.<br /><br />“Stop, please, stop,” I begged him.<br /><br />“You fucked with the wrong guy,” he spat at me.<br /><br />He hit me again and I could feel my strength draining out of me. I wondered if this time he was going to make it count, if he was going to finish the job and kill me this time around. The pain and dizziness took over and closing my eyes and giving up seemed so appealing. I tried to fight back, but didn’t have it in me.<br /><br />I fell into near unconsciousness as I felt him tear my clothing off and rape me again. Tears fell from my eyes as I lay there unable to do anything about it. This wasn’t fair. I didn’t deserve to die this way without being able to tell Patrick how I really felt. He was my last thought before my entire world drifted off into total blackness.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Patrick walked out of the locker room pissed off. They’d lost and on a flukey fucking goal too. That goal was fucking bullshit bouncing off the glass the way it did. That’s how they lost, on a fucking lucky bounce? He was absolutely livid.<br /><br />He knew that it shouldn’t have pissed him off that much. Those things happened and it really wasn’t anyone’s fault. They’d won four straight games before this loss so it wasn’t exactly a crippling loss either. It didn’t matter. He’d been pissed off for a week now.<br /><br />“Want to grab some beers?” Burs called over to him.<br /><br />They had tomorrow off, so yeah, he did. He left his car in the parking lot and hopped into Burish’s front seat. Let Burs drive tonight, because he really needed more than just a beer or two. Fuck it, he’d take a cab home if he had to.<br /><br />“Talked to Gabby lately?” Tazer asked him as they sat at a table in some club downtown somewhere.<br /><br />“No,” he growled out and finished the beer in his hand.<br /><br />“Are you going to?”<br /><br />“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully.<br /><br />He glanced out at the dance floor and saw Kaner out there with three chicks hanging off of him. The other guys were either talking or dancing with their girlfriends or hitting on girls. Even Burs had ditched him to talk up some broad at the bar. Only Tazer had stayed back with him, but that was like him. He didn’t like to make a scene of himself.<br /><br />“I think you have to, no matter what the outcome of the conversation is.”<br /><br />“Why is that?”<br /><br />“Because you can’t go on like this. You need to know whether things can be fixed or if they’re over. Not having a clue is taking its toll on you, and you know it.”<br /><br />Tazer was right, he had to talk to Gabrielle, and he had to do it soon. He pulled out his phone and pulled her name up. Then he caught sight of Tazer shaking his head. He nodded and put his phone away. It was far too loud in here, and he was far too drunk to have any sort of important conversation right now.<br /><br />Not wanting to stick around and watch his teammates dry hump broads on the dance floor before they made it home and did the real thing, he tossed money on the table and headed for the exit. It wasn’t until Patrick was in a moving cab that he realized just how drunk he was. He never got like this. He was going to have to talk to Gabrielle soon, maybe even tomorrow.<br /><br />The cab dropped him off and he stumbled up to his front door. It took him a few minutes to find the right key to let him in the house. He didn’t even bother changing before falling into bed. He simply dropped his suit jacket on the floor, and slipped his shoes off. Then he let his body fall, felt the bed shift under his weight before he was out.<br /><br />The sound of a ringing phone woke him up. His head was pounding and all he knew was that he needed to stop that sound immediately. He groped around the nightstand next to the bed trying to find it before realizing that his phone was in his jacket pocket. He put a pillow over his head instead of getting up, and the ringing stopped.<br /><br />He let out a sigh of relief and tried his best to forget the headache and spinning of his head so he could fall back to sleep. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been out for or even what time it was. All he knew was that he didn’t want to be awake right now. He just wanted to sleep off the beer.<br /><br />The sound of the phone began again and he groaned in annoyance. He was going to murder whoever was calling him right now. He debated ignoring it again, but changed his mind. He pulled himself out of bed and dug the phone out of his jacket pocket. He didn’t recognize the number on the screen.<br /><br />“Hello?” he grumbled out.<br /><br />“Patrick? It’s Officer Monahan.” The officer’s name snapped him to attention.<br /><br />“What’s going on?” he asked, suddenly on alert.<br /><br />“It’s Gabrielle,” Officer Monahan began. Patrick suddenly felt sick.<br /><br />“Gabby? What’s wrong with Gabby? Is she okay?” He fired the questions into the phone, desperate to hear that she was fine, cursing himself for letting her walk out the door the entire time.<br /><br />“She’s in the hospital, Patrick. It’s not good…..”<br /><br />“What hospital?” Patrick cut him off. Officer Monahan rambled off the name and Patrick grabbed his keys and ran into the garage, only to find his car wasn’t there. Fuck, of all night’s…..He pulled out his phone and dialed.<br /><br />“Sharpie?” a groggy voice answered.<br /><br />“Tazer, I need you to get your ass over here and pick me up now,” he demanded.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-81809661709746395152010-09-20T20:40:00.000-07:002010-09-20T20:51:16.947-07:00Chapter 35It had been almost a week since Gabrielle had walked out his door. Although he knew that he was putting on a pretty decent façade to everyone, Patrick was a mess. His emotions were just all over the place. One moment he was depressed about her being gone, the next he was angry at her. It was tough to be so up and down all the time, and pretend like he was fine.<br /><br />He’d managed to keep it all out of hockey, but he hadn’t been able to keep it from one person. Burs knew he wasn’t okay. It didn’t mean they talked about it a lot, but one night he’d just snapped. Patrick hadn’t meant for it to happen, but it just all came pouring out after a few beers.<br /><br />“I can’t even begin to tell you the shit that she’s had to go through in her past, but it’s really fucked her up,” he started.<br /><br />“Shouldn’t you be relieved then?” Burs had asked.<br /><br />“No. No, I’m not relieved. I’m angry. I’m fucking livid.”<br /><br />“About what?”<br /><br />“I’ve been patient. I’ve sucked a lot of pride up to help her deal with things. I did everything the entire relationship her way, and what does she do? Freak out the one fucking time I do something she doesn’t expect and walk out. It’s fucking bullshit!”<br /><br />“Tell me how you really feel, Sharpie.” Patrick had sighed then and taken another swig of his beer.<br /><br />“I don’t know what else I could have done for her. I’ve gone over and over it in my head and I wouldn’t do anything different. At some point she should be able to do something for me, right?” He couldn’t help how he felt, and he just needed some confirmation that he wasn’t being a complete jackass as far as Gabrielle was concerned.<br /><br />“Right. You know how I feel about relationships. I’m too selfish to be in one, and you can’t be selfish. You also can’t be a pushover. There’s a reason people always talk about compromise when they talk about relationships.” It was all obvious, everything Burish was saying, but it helped just a little to hear someone besides him say it.<br /><br />“It just pisses me off that after all I compromised and went through with her she couldn’t just tell me the truth. She made a mistake walking out and I wish like hell I could tell her that.”<br /><br />“You miss her.”<br /><br />“Fuck.” Patrick didn’t want to miss her, not after the way she tried to just disappear on him. He wished he could just write her off and move on, but he couldn’t. That pissed him off right now too.<br /><br />“So go get her. Tell her to buck the fuck up and deal with whatever issue she’s facing.”<br /><br />“I can’t do that. Not right now anyway. I know Gabby. She just needs some time, a breather. Then I can go tell her all of that.”<br /><br />It killed him to be so understanding. He hated that he was like that. Once in a while he wished he could just be an asshole and walk right into Paige’s house and tell Gabrielle exactly what he thought of her walking out the way she did. However he knew if he did that, he’d only drive her further away, and that wasn’t what he wanted. Despite how angry he was, he wanted her back with him.<br /><br />Maybe that made him a fool, but he didn’t care. He loved her and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. It was hard to blame her for being the way she was when she’d lived the life she had. He just wished she’d had better timing with her freak out, or that he’d had better timing on slipping up and telling her he loved her, even if she wasn’t meant to hear it.<br /><br />Right now he was just scared for her. As far as he knew Vince was still out there. While he couldn’t prove it, Patrick knew Vince wasn’t done. He didn’t think Vince would be done until he’d found Gabrielle or the police found him first. It was killing him to not be able to watch out for Gabrielle all the time. He could just add fear to the emotions he was feeling when he thought about her.<br /><br />So he went about his business like normal. He woke up, went to the rink, practiced or played a game, went home and took care of Dudley. Then he went to bed and did it all over again. Every day, despite knowing better, he hoped that his phone would ring and Gabrielle would be at the other end, or she’d just show up at his door.<br /><br />He wasn’t sure how long he’d wait for her. He didn’t know if she’d ever come back, or if he’d ever go to her. He wanted to go to her at some point, and at least talk to her. He had to see if there was any hope for them. But in order for there to be hope, Gabrielle was going to have to let go of her past and trust him. That was the only way they could ever work again.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I sat in Paige’s living room with a cup of tea and just stared out the window. I’d been doing that a lot lately. Most of the last few days had consisted of me zoning out while I stared at nothing. It was like my brain had just been overworked and shut itself down. It had been hard to function at all, and most days I didn’t want to.<br /><br />I was overwhelmed with life in general. I was stressed out over Vince still being out there somewhere. Not having Patrick in my life anymore, at least for now, had hurt me so much more than I’d expected. On top of those things, work had been crazy. I felt like kids were just in and out of my office with a myriad of problems. I was worn out.<br /><br />Most days I ended up at Paige’s after work. It was partly because she just sat with me. She never tried to force me to talk, but if I wanted to she listened and wouldn’t make me feel like I was crazy. It was also partly because I was afraid to be home. Today was no different. Loxley had jumped up onto the sofa with me and was sleeping with his head on my lap.<br /><br />“Do you want anything to eat?” Paige asked from the kitchen. I shook my head, but didn’t respond. I probably should eat something since I hadn’t done much of that lately, but my appetite had disappeared.<br /><br />“I miss him.” I hadn’t realized I’d said it out loud until Paige sat down next to me and gave me a sad look.<br /><br />“What happened between the two of you?” she asked.<br /><br />I still hadn’t given Paige a straight answer, because if I told her the truth, I’d have to explain. I hadn’t wanted to do that. I’d already had to get into things I’d never wanted to talk about or relive once in the last year. I hadn’t wanted to do it ever again. Now though, that didn’t seem to be so important anymore.<br /><br />“He told me he loved me.”<br /><br />“What?!” she exclaimed. I could tell that she was confused on how he could have told me that he loved me and then we’d somehow broken up. “What did you say?”<br /><br />“I walked out,” I told her truthfully. She looked at me like I was insane, and now I was beginning to feel the same way.<br /><br />“That’s why you two broke up? Because he told you he loved you?!” I nodded and felt tears start to sting my eyes. “I don’t understand.”<br /><br />I knew it was time. Keeping secrets didn’t seem very important to me anymore. And so I opened up to Paige. I told her everything about my past. I finally answered her questions on why Vince was after me. I cried over Quinn. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I finished. I knew Paige well enough to know she wasn’t going to order me out of her place, but I wasn’t sure how she would react.<br /><br />“Your family sucks.” I don’t know what it was about her statement that did it, but I suddenly burst out into laughter. It could have been the words, the way she said it. Maybe I was just finally cracking, but I couldn’t stop laughing. “Are you about done?” she asked as I wiped tears from my eyes and calmed down.<br /><br />“I’m sorry?”<br /><br />“Gabby, I love you. You’re one of my best friends, but I need to be frank with you about something. Is that okay?”<br /><br />“Yes, please.”<br /><br />“Maybe someday you’ll work things out with your family. Maybe you never will. None of that matters right now. What matters is that there is a man out there that knows all of that and loves you despite it all. He’s given you the one thing you craved your whole life. I get that it was scary but it’s time to be realistic. What are you going to do about it?” Paige was right. It was time to face everything.<br /><br />“I just have to get through work tomorrow. He has a game Saturday. I’ll do it Sunday. I’ll tell him Sunday.” Paige looked at me and smiled while placing a hand on mine. Suddenly the world wasn’t so scary anymore.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-57804066670051919292010-09-08T09:07:00.000-07:002010-09-08T09:10:01.057-07:00Chapter 34I felt the bile rising up in my throat, but did everything in my power to keep it down. That was a struggle considering I was also trying to do my best not to even so much as twitch a muscle. I couldn’t let Patrick know I was awake. I couldn’t let him know I’d heard what he’d just said. I couldn’t let him know that I wanted to bolt out of bed, out of the house, and far away from him.<br /><br />This was too much. I couldn’t handle everything that came with this right now. How could he have told me he loved me? I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to be ready. Why couldn’t we just leave things the way they were? Things had been good, hadn’t they? Our relationship was just where I wanted it, just where I could handle it. My safety net was gone now. Everything around me was hard, painful, and confusing. Goddammit, Patrick, why?<br /><br />It was everything I could do to wait until I knew Patrick was asleep before I slipped out of bed. I made my way into the bathroom, shut the door, and turned on the faucet to splash cold water on my face. I had to get rid of this nauseous feeling before I could get back into bed.<br /><br /><em>Just relax, Gabrielle. He didn’t think you were awake. Deep down you knew he felt that way before now. You knew it was bound to happen eventually. Just go back to bed, get some sleep, and think on things in the morning when you’ve had time to process. Don’t make any rash decisions right now.</em><br /><br />I convinced myself to get back into bed. I did my best not to disturb Patrick because I didn’t think I could handle cuddling with him as I tried to fall asleep tonight. Thankfully he didn’t move, and I kept distance between us. When his alarm went off in the morning I still hadn’t fallen asleep. Even so, I pretended to still be asleep as he got up and got out of bed.<br /><br />I could hear him moving around in the kitchen making himself some breakfast. Then I heard him turn on the TV as he ate. He had a routine in the morning before practice and I could practically visualize exactly what he was doing every moment. After he’d gotten dressed he walked over to the bed and placed a kiss on my forehead.<br /><br />“See you later,” he whispered. I mumbled out a goodbye, like I’d been asleep until that moment. I gave it a few minutes after I heard his car start and pull out of the driveway before I got out of bed.<br /><br />I moved into the living room and sat down on the couch to think some more. That’s all I’d been doing all night, but my stomach and heart hurt at everything I’d thought about. Realization hit me that I might have been able to handle this better if this stuff with Vince wasn’t going on. I also might feel better about it if I hadn’t just overheard Patrick tell me he loved me, but had him really tell me.<br /><br />I looked over at Lox and Dudley who were both lying on the floor and staring up at me. Their eyes looked sad, like they could feel what I did. I knew what had to be done and I didn’t have much time to do it. I found my cell and dialed one of the few numbers I had in my contacts.<br /><br />“Do you realize how early it is?” Paige answered. I ignored her comment, with one thing in mind.<br /><br />“Can you take Loxley for a little while?” I asked.<br /><br />“What? Why do I have to take Loxley?” I could feel tears welling in my eyes, but I had to fight them back right now. Now was not the time.<br /><br />“I’m moving into a hotel for a bit and can’t take him.” The lie tasted like vomit in my throat. Paige was quiet for a moment.<br /><br />“What happened?” she asked, her voice softer now.<br /><br />“I don’t want to talk about it yet.” I didn’t want to talk about it ever. Any sane person would call me a damn fool for doing what I was about to.<br /><br />“Of course I’ll take him.” I thanked her, told her I’d be over in a couple of hours and hung up.<br /><br />I hurriedly packed up my things and put them into the car. I gave Dudley one last kiss before I walked out of the house and drove over to Paige’s. She tried one last time to convince me to tell her why I was moving out of Patrick’s house, but I didn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell her. Then I drove home.<br /><br />I parked in the parking lot and used my key to get into the building. I got on the elevator and then got off on my floor. It wasn’t until I was down the hall and had the key in the lock that the fear hit me. Maybe I was making a mistake. Maybe I was a fool. I felt panic beginning to settle in and envisioned Patrick taking my hand, holding it to his chest, and telling me to breathe. I calmed down, and turned the key, the door opening a moment later.<br /><br />I walked cautiously into my apartment like I was afraid Vince was going to come around a corner any second. Of course he didn’t and I dropped my stuff in the entryway and walked all the way inside. Patrick and I had gone back to pick up any stuff I would need when I moved in with him and had cleaned up my apartment in the process.<br /><br />There were no more traces of the destruction Vince had done to my place except for the bare spots on the walls where artwork had hung and empty places on shelves where pictures that had been destroyed were set. I moved towards the bedroom and glanced in. The bed was unmade and a red stain was still on the mattress, a hole visible. I shuddered and shut the door, deciding I’d be sleeping on the futon.<br /><br />I went back to get my stuff and began to put it all away. My apartment didn’t feel like home now. It felt empty, like I was in a stranger’s place for the first time alone. I shook off the thoughts as I finished putting everything away. Then I hoped I’d made good enough time to beat Patrick home.<br /><br />I got back into my car and drove back to his house. I had to drop his key off and I wanted to leave a note. I wanted him to know that I was okay, but I couldn’t be there anymore. I pulled into the driveway and used the key to walk in the front door. I realized a little too late that Patrick had beaten me.<br /><br />He was sitting on the couch in the living room in silence, staring out the window. I didn’t know what to do or what to say and stood frozen in silence as well. He turned towards me, a look of hurt and confusion on his face. It hurt to see him looking like that. He stared at me with questioning eyes for a while before he spoke.<br /><br />“Why?” was all he asked. I averted my gaze, looking everywhere but at him. I hadn’t planned on talking to him, which I realized made me a terrible person.<br /><br />“I…..I just…..I came back to give you this,” I stuttered out, avoiding answering the question and holding out the key to his house. He looked at it angrily.<br /><br />“Don’t,” he growled angrily. “What did I do?” I looked into his eyes for the first time since I’d walked in and I saw his face momentarily fall. He realized then why I was going.<br /><br />“I’ll be staying with Paige…..” I began my second lie of the day, but let my words trail off.<br /><br />“Gabrielle, I’m sorry,” he apologized. Then his expression hardened again and he got up from his seat on the couch, his eyes boring into mine. “No, actually I’m not. I love you, Gabby, and I’m not sorry for that. And I know you love me too.” I shook my head at his words, tore my eyes away from his.<br /><br />“Patrick, please…..”<br /><br />“I’m done playing by your rules. I’m in love with you, Gabrielle. I want you to go back to Paige’s, get your stuff and Loxley and come back. I want you to move in here, permanently. I want you to tell me you love me too,” he demanded.<br /><br />“No…..no, I can’t.”<br /><br />“You can’t or you won’t?” he asked through clenched teeth.<br /><br />I felt the tears starting to spill down my face. Too much was spinning through my head. Patrick was telling me he loved me. He wanted me to move in with him on a permanent basis. He wanted to hear me tell him I loved him. It was too much. There was just too much going on. I needed time to figure things out.<br /><br />“Stop it. Please, stop it,” I begged.<br /><br />My legs felt like jelly, like they were going to give out any moment. Maybe I could have handled one of the three. Maybe I could have dealt with his ‘I love you’ if it didn’t come strings attached. I couldn’t hear that, say it back, and move in all at once. It was step by step with me, and he was asking me to skip from 1 to 10. I couldn’t do it and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stand there thinking that. I had to make myself move. I had to think of something to say to him so he’d let me go. Then I had to turn and walk out the door.<br /><br />“What’s it going to be?” he asked after a while.<br /><br />I wanted so badly to just fall into Patrick’s arms and be everything he wanted me to be. I wished more than anything I could be normal and less scarred by my past. If I was healed then I’d be able to do what he wanted, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t ever be healed, and so I couldn’t ever be the person Patrick deserved.<br /><br />I forced my legs to move and walked towards where Patrick was standing in front of the couch. I saw his face expose the hope he was feeling every step I took closer to him. I felt my heart breaking with each step as well. I stopped a few feet from him and looked at him one last time. Then I bent down and placed his key on the coffee table. Without waiting to see what he said, or even giving him another glance, I turned and walked out the door.<br /><br />I got into my car telling myself what I’d done was the right thing. As I drove away I repeated that in my head over and over again even as the tears fell down my face. I pulled into the parking lot at my building convinced that what I needed was to be on my own so I could reevaluate my life. I walked into my apartment, collapsed onto the floor, and broke.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-422454564829263112010-08-26T09:10:00.000-07:002010-08-26T09:17:20.509-07:00Chapter 33A few weeks had passed and I was still at Patrick’s place, the police still hadn’t found Vince, and I was feeling more and more stressed. Every day that went by without word on Vince made me worry just a little more. Where was he and what was he planning? I’d become paranoid, studying the faces of every person I saw making sure he wasn’t following me. I’d even become grateful for the rides to and from work from Patrick and Paige.<br /><br />Even though I was feeling less and less stable every day, I kept it all inside for Patrick. Pre-season had started and he was back to the grind. Then he’d had to go to Finland for a couple of games and I had stayed with Paige while he was gone. I couldn’t put any more stress onto Patrick with his season underway. I especially didn’t want to alter anything since he’d scored a goal in each of the first three games he’d played.<br /><br />I sat in my office, staring blankly at a file that I couldn’t have identified if asked about it. Too much was on my mind, and admittedly I’d been slacking when it came to work lately. I hadn’t wanted to be like that, and I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t help it. A knock on my door jolted me out of my thoughts and I smiled as I waved Gia in.<br /><br />“Hey, Gia, how are you?” I asked. She didn’t look upset, but we didn’t have an appointment, so I didn’t know the reason for this visit. She’d actually been doing much better since she’d opened up to me, and we didn’t currently have any appointments scheduled at all.<br /><br />“I’m good,” she replied, but didn’t offer up any more than that.<br /><br />“Is there something you wanted to talk about?” I pushed after a moment of silence between us.<br /><br />“Not really.” She was quiet again, but there had to be a reason she was here. “My parents finalized their divorce yesterday.” There it was.<br /><br />“How do you feel about that?” I was almost tempted to congratulate her. She’d told me before how much better things had been once she’d talked to her parents and told them what their fighting was doing to her. Gia shrugged, and then a small smile formed on her lips.<br /><br />“I feel bad saying it, but it’s nice. They’re in such better moods now. There’s no more fighting. They can even get along when they see each other,” she told me. I smiled back at her.<br /><br />“I’m glad that it seems to have been the right thing to do.”<br /><br />“Yeah, and my dad got a place just a couple blocks away so I can see him whenever I want to.”<br /><br />“It’s nice that you’ll still have both of them around. It shows how much they care about you.” Gia smiled and nodded before falling quiet once again. This time I waited her out to see what else she wanted to say. “I have something for you.”<br /><br />“For me? What is it?” I asked, not expecting this at all. She pulled something out of her backpack and opened it up. “Is that your portfolio?”<br /><br />“Yeah, it is. I just started working on it not too long ago. I wanted to have something together when I started applying to college. I’m going to go for photography,” she explained.<br /><br />“That’s great,” I told her enthusiastically. “It’s good to know what you want in life. You’re luckier than most.” I watched her pull something out of her portfolio.<br /><br />“My dad took me to Yellowstone this summer so we could spend some time together since I’m living with Mom. I took a lot of pictures, and this one just reminded me of you. I thought you might want to have it.”<br /><br />She handed the photo over to me. I saw that it was a photo of the sunrise in Yellowstone, but it was so much more than that. The sunrise was the subject of the photo, but the way the light played on the difference surfaces, the mist that rose up, nearly took my breath away. It wasn’t just beautiful, but it held hope in it. For whatever reason as I looked at it, I felt hopeful, like it represented a new beginning.<br /><br />“It’s an amazing photo. Thank you so much for thinking of me. I love it,” I told her sincerely. She was beaming over at me when I looked back up at her.<br /><br />“Well, I have to get to class.”<br /><br />“I’ll write you a pass,” I offered when I heard the bell ring. I wrote one and then handed it over to her. “I’d love to see your portfolio when you’re done with it, if you don’t mind.” She smiled at me again.<br /><br />“I’ll bring it in.” With that she turned and walked out of my office.<br /><br />I glanced back down at the photo in my hand and fought back the tears that wanted to spill from my eyes. I didn’t quite know why it was affecting me so much, or how Gia seemed to know that it would. I just knew that I wanted how it made me feel to be right. I wanted to be happy and hopeful again. I wanted out of the funk I’d been in. Maybe when Vince was caught I would get a new beginning. I put the photo in a drawer, telling myself I would go get a frame immediately and hang it in my office. Then I forced myself to get out of my head and back to work.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Patrick kissed Gabrielle goodbye before walking out of the house. It was the first home game of the season and he was headed in to the rink. He hated leaving Gabby alone in the house, even if it was just for a couple hours, but it couldn’t be helped. He couldn’t be there all the time.<br /><br />If one good thing had come out of any of this however, it was that she’d been with him all the time. She’d been living at his house for a few weeks now, and he had no complaints. He loved having her around, being there for every meal, sleeping next to him each night. He didn’t want her to leave, ever. But that was a whole other story.<br /><br />That was not a topic he could just bring up with Gabrielle. She’d be resistant to the idea and he knew it. It went right along with the fact that he couldn’t just come out and tell her he loved her. It would have to be done at the right time, the right way, or she would just panic and run. That was the last thing he wanted.<br /><br />Sure, it was frustrating to not be able to tell her how he really felt about her. It was taking more and more effort not to just blurt out the ‘I love you’ to her. Even if the police finding Vince would put her back in her apartment, which is something he didn’t want, he couldn’t tell her he loved her until all of this was resolved. She had too much on her mind to add anything else.<br /><br />He pulled into the parking lot and got out of his car. It had only been three games, and the team had a 1-1-1 record, but this season felt good. He’d scored in each of the first three games, and something felt different this time around. They had a special team and he knew it. This could be the year for them. This team had the ability to win the Cup.<br /><br />And wouldn’t that be a hell of a year for him? Win the Cup, fall in love, and move in with his girlfriend. The thought put a giant smile on his face. Once inside the locker room he pushed thoughts of Gabrielle out of his head, which was harder to do these days than it had been last season, and prepared for the game.<br /><br />Later that night he walked out of the locker room happy with a win. He stepped foot into the family room and immediately Gabrielle’s eyes met him and lit up, followed by a smile. He joined her conversation with some of the others for a few minutes and a debate about going to get some food and drinks came up.<br /><br />“What do you think?” he asked her, fine with any decision she made.<br /><br />He wanted her to want to go out, because she hadn’t done much of that lately. Mostly she’d been staying locked up in the house unless she was at work. She’d been too afraid to be out anywhere, afraid that she’d run into Vince. Even so, he wasn’t going to be the least bit upset if she didn’t want to either.<br /><br />“Maybe we could go just for a little bit,” she answered a little hesitantly. Everyone knew what was going on, and he saw them all smile at Gabby.<br /><br />A large group of the team went out to get some food so she was surrounded by a lot of people that wouldn’t let anything happen to her. That seemed to loosen her up some, and make her forget about Vince. They stayed longer than he’d expected them to, which was fine with him. Gabrielle’s smiles and laughter had been too sparse lately.<br /><br />When they returned home he immediately changed out of his suit and found Gabrielle standing at the back door watching Dudley and Loxley run around the backyard. Still too amped from the game to be even remotely tired he plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, putting on NHL Network to see what others teams had done that night.<br /><br />He heard the sound of paws running across the floor seconds before he was bombarded by the two dogs. He laughed, gave them some attention, before they had their fill and began to expend the last bit of their energy playing together. It was then that Gabrielle walked over, and instead of sitting next to him, she curled right up on his lap.<br /><br />“Thank you,” she told him.<br /><br />“For what?” he asked. She placed a kiss on his forehead before answering.<br /><br />“Doing all that you have the past few weeks. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have you,” she told him. He kissed her before they settled back and watched TV together.<br /><br />A little while later they got ready for bed and crawled in together. Patrick thought again about how nice it was to have Gabby there to hold every night. After giving her a kiss goodnight he pulled her into his arms and closed his eyes. She fell asleep before him and he opened his eyes just to watch her sleep for a little while. She was always so beautiful when she slept. Then he couldn’t help himself. She was asleep after all.<br /><br />“I love you, Gabby,” he whispered, just feeling better having said it out loud.<br /><br />He knew he had to wait until all of this was over to tell her when she could hear him, but it couldn’t hurt to tell her when she was asleep. Maybe if he did it each night it would subliminally make its way into her mind and it would be less difficult for her when he did eventually tell her. He settled back into bed, a smile on his face, and fell asleep alongside her.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-39297115521817463402010-08-11T08:51:00.000-07:002010-08-11T09:00:25.035-07:00Chapter 32Patrick sat there with Gabrielle in the lobby and listened to her explain to the police about Vince. He held her hand while they waited to find out if it was possible that Vince had been the one to break into her apartment. He felt sick with her when he found out it probably had been. He became angry when he found out her family knew Vince was out of jail and didn’t tell her.<br /><br />Gabrielle’s parents and sisters became the first people in his life he officially hated. He had already had issues with the way they’d treated Gabrielle when she was growing up, and now this. It just baffled him that people could be like that. She was their flesh and blood, and even after knowing she was a changed person, they still did this to her.<br /><br />“I think we have all we need for right now from you. You should go get some rest. We will be in your apartment for a while longer collecting evidence. Is there someplace you can go?” the officer Gabrielle had requested to talk to asked.<br /><br />“You can stay with me,” Patrick said without hesitation. He’d made up his mind a long time ago that she was staying with him. There was no way he could let her back into that apartment while the person who had done that was still out there.<br /><br />“Thanks,” she whispered. He could see how scared and defeated she was right now, and it killed him. This wasn’t the Gabrielle he’d known for the last year.<br /><br />“I’d also advise you not to return here until whoever did this is caught,” Officer Monahan suggested. Gabrielle nodded her head but didn’t respond.<br /><br />“Thank you,” Patrick told the officer as he helped Gabrielle up and out of her seat.<br /><br />After giving the police his address and phone number he grabbed the leashes for both dogs and led Gabrielle out to his car. The drive to his house was silent except for the sounds of the collars on the dogs in the back. Patrick wasn’t sure what to say, if there was anything, to help Gabby right now.<br /><br />Once inside Gabby just headed straight for the bedroom and got into bed. Patrick made sure there was food and water available for the dogs before following her in. He found her curled up in a ball, eyes wide and staring off. He got into bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her.<br /><br />“Try to sleep,” he whispered before placing a kiss on her temple. She didn’t respond, but he hadn’t expected her to.<br /><br />The next morning he awoke to find himself alone in bed. A brief moment of fear struck him, but he quickly pushed that away. He got out of bed, and guessed on where Gabby might be. He poked his head in the doorway of the room he’d turned into her studio to find her sitting in front of a canvas covered only in a deep, almost black, purple.<br /><br />The paint looked to be dry, yet Gabrielle had the paintbrush still in her grasp. She must have been sitting there, staring at the canvas for a long time. He wasn’t sure if he should say something, walk in quietly, or just leave her alone. He made his decision and walked quietly into the room, stopping beside her.<br /><br />“Do you believe in past lives?” she asked, still continuing to stare at the canvas.<br /><br />“What?” He wasn’t sure he’d heard her right.<br /><br />“Past lives. Karma. Reincarnation. Anything like that. Do you believe in it?” she asked again.<br /><br />“Not really,” he responded. “Why?”<br /><br />“If any of that’s true, I must have been a serial killer.” There was no hint of humor in her voice. She’d meant it. He knelt down next to her and forced her to look at him.<br /><br />“You did not cause this. This happened because there is some sick asshole out there who doesn’t like that you stood up to him.”<br /><br />“It’s not just him. It’s everything. My whole life.” A single tear dropped from one eye, and he wiped it away immediately.<br /><br />“Your past is only about a third of your total life. You have another two-thirds, and hopefully more left to enjoy, to have fun, to be happy, to do good things. I promise you that the rest of your life will look nothing like what you’ve gone through so far. Do you hear me? I promise.”<br /><br />She nodded as she continued to look into his eyes. He saw that she struggled with what he said, but she wanted to believe him. He could see the hope in her eyes. There was no way he was going to break that promise. He was going to make sure that she lived an amazing life. He wouldn’t ever let anything bad happen to her again.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The latest coworker walked out of my office and I narrowed my eyes at their back. If one more person stepped foot in here to offer advice, condolences, a place to stay, or so on, I would scream. I’d only been away from the school for a day, but everyone seemed to know what had happened. Bad news travels fast, I guess.<br /><br />I knew I shouldn’t be angry with them for wanting to make sure I was okay. I also knew I wasn’t actually angry at them. It was just the transference of anger from Vince, who was still missing, to people who were actually physically there.<br /><br />Some people, Isaiah included, thought it was too early for me to be back at work. I didn’t see it that way. Work gave me something to do, something else to worry about. If I stayed at Patrick’s, I would just spend my day thinking about my apartment and Vince. Besides, there were kids here who needed my help. I couldn’t let them down.<br /><br />“Should I reschedule?” Nathan asked, poking his head into my office. I groaned before motioning him in.<br /><br />“You too?” He just shrugged.<br /><br />“I get it. If you had a nickel for every time someone asked if you were okay…..” He let his voice trail off.<br /><br />“Exactly. And I’m fine, for the record,” I lied. He smiled back at me. “So tell me how classes are going.”<br /><br />I walked out of school a few hours later, as annoyed as I’d ever felt. Tomorrow I was putting a sign on my door telling everyone to just leave me alone unless they had a real problem. I was also not happy with leaving school earlier than I cared to today. I had things I wanted to work on, but I couldn’t.<br /><br />I caught sight of Patrick’s car parked right out front. God, I felt like a teenager with a curfew. Well, what I assumed a teenager who had ever obeyed curfew felt like. Patrick and Paige together had decided I was no longer to be left on my own. Patrick drove me to school and picked me up, unless he couldn’t and then Paige took over. Just until Vince, or whoever had broken into my apartment, was caught. It was ridiculous and overboard.<br /><br />“How was your day?” Patrick asked as I got into the car. I turned my annoyed glare onto him. “Okay, I get it.”<br /><br />We were silent the rest of the trip back to his house. I wanted nothing more than to just close myself off from the world right now. Thankfully I had a very understanding and perceptive boyfriend. When we pulled within sight of Patrick’s house I noticed an unmarked, but unmistakable, police car in the driveway. Quentin was leaning against the side of it.<br /><br />“Officer Monahan,” Patrick greeted him with a handshake when we got out of the car.<br /><br />“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you, but we have some news. Would you mind if I came inside?” he asked us. We invited him in and sat across from him in the living room.<br /><br />“What’s going on?” I asked, wondering what this news was, hoping they'd found Vince.<br /><br />“We had a hit on some fingerprints we found in your apartment. We can confirm that Vince Watts was in your apartment at some point and is our main suspect.”<br /><br />Although I’d been expecting to hear that it was Vince, and I’d had a feeling it was him all along, it still sent a ripple of shock and fear through me. Part of me had hoped that it wasn’t him, that I didn’t have to worry, and that I didn’t have to blame my family for not informing me that he was out of jail. That last bit of hope had just been crushed.<br /><br />“So what now?” Patrick asked. It had been my question, but I felt like I couldn’t speak.<br /><br />“We’re looking for him. We hope this was just one angry act of destruction, but he did break the conditions of his parole just by skipping out of town, so he is going back to prison no matter what. If you see him or hear from him it’s important you let us know.” I nodded, but still couldn’t get any words out.<br /><br />“We will definitely let you know,” Patrick answered for me. Quentin stood up from his spot and Patrick and I both stood as well.<br /><br />“I’ll keep you up to date on any new developments. We hope this can be resolved quickly without any more problems.”<br /><br />We walked Quentin to the door and Patrick and he exchanged a few more words before he got into his car and left. I stood in the doorway watching him drive away until he was out of sight, still reeling at the confirmation that Vince knew where I was and where I lived. There was no doubt in my mind that this wasn't just a onetime thing.<br /><br />“What happens if he’s still looking for me?” I asked Patrick, the words I’d wanted to say finally making their way out.<br /><br />“Nothing, because I’m not letting anything happen to you. I made you a promise, remember?” I nodded, and wondered if this was one that he could keep.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-69251887658897491372010-08-02T21:41:00.000-07:002010-08-02T21:51:22.402-07:00Chapter 31People always say that bad things come in three’s. I’d never believed that. To me, bad things just always came. My whole life was one bad thing after another. Well, that was the case until I met Patrick. Suddenly there were no bad things anymore, just good. For a year, despite some of my reservations and feelings, I’d been happy.<br /><br />I should have known that couldn’t last. I should have known that I only drew in any bad or negative energy, no matter how hard I tried to fix any wrongs I’d committed. Now as I stood outside, seeing the night glow in red and blue from the police cars surrounding me I saw that the last year had just been a fluke.<br /><br />“Could you go over what happened one last time?” Quentin, who was only here investigating because I’d refused to talk to anyone else, asked.<br /><br />I looked up into the familiar officer’s eyes wishing like hell that we were meeting because I was bailing out another one of my students instead of what I’d found tonight. I nodded and for the third time, I told the story again, starting at the beginning.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />“Loxley, come on,” I groaned out in exasperation. Patrick, Dudley, and I stood impatiently on the sidewalk waiting for Lox to finish sniffing some scent he currently found fascinating. “Even the basset hound isn’t sniffing around this much tonight!”<br /><br />“It’s fine,” Patrick tried to assure me, with a little laugh. I turned and glared at him.<br /><br />“It’s raining,” I shot back.<br /><br />We’d just gotten to my complex from spending the weekend at Patrick’s. That had become our routine. During the week we saw each other at night when I was out of work and Patrick didn’t have anything for hockey. On weekends when I wasn’t working, I stayed at his house. On Sunday nights when I had work in the morning, Patrick stayed at my place.<br /><br />Finally Loxley gave up and trotted towards the entrance to the building. I followed him and led everyone inside, shaking off all the moisture that had collected on my clothes and in my hair. The elevator arrived and we piled on, taking it up to my floor. I didn’t pay attention to where we were walking as I talked to Patrick while we walked down the hall. Suddenly I ran right into Loxley, who had come to a dead stop.<br /><br />“Lox, what the hell?!” I yelled, wondering what had gotten into my dog tonight.<br /><br />He still didn’t move, just stayed frozen in place staring straight ahead. I watched in shock as the hair on his back began to stand on end. As if that wasn’t enough, he began to emit a low growl. Before I could tell him to stop, Dudley joined him with a growl of his own, also staring straight ahead.<br /><br />Wondering what was going on, I glanced up, not immediately seeing anything suspicious. Upon further inspection I noticed a crack of light coming from my doorway. It was partially open and I knew there was no way I’d left it open all weekend. I reached a hand out and grasped onto Patrick’s arm.<br /><br />“I see it,” he told me. I began to move forward, but he held out an arm to stop me. “Someone might still be in there.” He handed me Dudley’s leash and began walking towards my apartment himself.<br /><br />“Maybe you shouldn’t go either,” I said. He ignored me and continued on, walking through the door. I only hesitated for a moment before following him, cautiously.<br /><br />I stepped foot into the apartment and felt the breath leave me when I saw what it now looked like. I could only see a little bit of the apartment, but what I could see was a disaster. My stuff was strewn all over the floor and everything that had been on the walls was now littered all over the floor.<br /><br />I moved further into the apartment, clinging to the dog leashes like they were my lifeline. I was only met with further chaos and destruction when more of the apartment came into view. Cupboards were open and empty, the contents emptied all over the place. Glass was shattered in places and paintings destroyed. More shockingly, the words ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ were painted on the walls in colors I knew I had in the studio.<br /><br />“Whoever did this is gone now,” Patrick told me, walking over.<br /><br />I couldn’t form words as I dropped the leashes to the floor and surveyed what had once been my organized apartment. I made my way over to one of my paintings that was lying on the ground and bent down to pick it up. That was when the frame lying next to it came into view. I reached over and picked up the photo of Patrick and I. The glass had been shattered and I had been defaced in it.<br /><br />“I’ll call the police,” I heard Patrick say.<br /><br />I could only nod as I stood up and began to collect all the pictures I’d had in the apartment. All of them had my face destroyed in one way or another while anyone else in the picture was left alone. I began to feel sick as I looked between them to the words painted on my walls and tears built in my eyes.<br /><br />“They’re on the way,” Patrick told me, taking the pictures from my hands. I heard him curse under his breath when he saw them. “It’ll be okay.”<br /><br />I let him pull me into his arms and think he was comforting me, when he wasn’t even close to doing so. Eventually I pulled away and began to walk back to look into my studio and bedroom. Patrick caught up to me and took hold of my arm to stop me.<br /><br />“We shouldn’t walk all over. It might contaminate evidence the police will need,” he said.<br /><br />It made sense, but I could see in his eyes that there was something else. I nodded and he let go of my arm. He turned to walk out of the apartment figuring I would be behind him, but I wasn’t. I continued on and looked into the studio. It was just as destroyed as the rest of the apartment, but that was it. When I made it to my bedroom doorway I froze in place, my stomach tying itself into knots.<br /><br />My chest started to tighten, and I struggled to keep oxygen flowing into my lungs. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way this should be happening. I looked in at my bed where the covers had been torn off and blood red paint had been splattered all over the mattress, a knife stabbed right into the center of the stain. My eyes travelled to the wall behind my bed and took in the words written there.<br /><br /><em>Be seeing you.</em><br /><br />“Gabby, come on,” I faintly heard Patrick say.<br /><br />I vaguely felt him lead me out of the room and my apartment as my head started to spin. I was gasping for breath now as the panic attack hit me with full force. Soon I was sitting on the floor, Patrick in front of me, holding on and trying to coax me out of it. Eventually I was able to breathe again, but I was in a fog.<br /><br />I hardly noticed when the police arrived. Patrick left me sitting on the floor in the hallway with a neighbor who had come out to help with me. He led the police into the apartment so they could survey the scene. My stomach lurched at the thought. My apartment was now a crime scene.<br /><br />Feeling like I needed to get out of there, I jumped up and ran towards the stairwell, not wanting to wait for the elevator. I heard someone yelling my name, but I continued to run, all the way down the stairs and until I was out the door. I bent over the bushes lining the walkway and threw up. Then I collapsed down onto the ground, the rain not bothering me at all this time.<br /><br />“Miss, are you okay?” an officer asked me, following Patrick out the door. I just nodded, but kept my eyes trained on an invisible spot on the ground, fighting the urge to be sick again. “We need to ask you some questions.” I directed my gaze up to him and shook my head.<br /><br />“Quentin Monahan,” I said. Patrick and the officer looked at me in confusion.<br /><br />“I’m sorry?” the officer asked.<br /><br />“Quentin Monahan. I’ll only talk to Officer Monahan,” I explained. I don’t know why I was requesting him, but for some reason I felt I could only talk to him. I heard the officer make a call before he told me Quentin was on his way.<br /><br />A while later I was sitting in the lobby of the complex, a towel around my shoulders, Patrick beside me holding my hand. I glanced over at him and saw that he looked both worried and angry. Quentin was sitting beside me taking notes on my story. He was called away by another officer who whispered something to him, and Quentin looked grim as he walked back over to me.<br /><br />“It’s been confirmed. Vince Watts is out of jail and he’s skipped out on his parole officer. They haven’t located him in a month,” Quentin explained. My stomach lurched again, and I closed my eyes, fighting back the sickness.<br /><br />“How did this happen? I was supposed to be notified when he got out of jail. He beat and raped me! They said they’d tell me!” I yelled, panic beginning to settle in again.<br /><br />“That’s the thing,” Quentin began. “The police in St. Louis claim they did.”<br /><br />I was about to argue with him and tell him that I’d never heard anything from them when a new wave of nausea hit me. The phone call I’d received from Kaylen a few months before suddenly popped into my head. They couldn’t have. They just couldn’t have.<br /><br />“When did he get out?” I asked, my voice shaking.<br /><br />“I was told he was released back at the very beginning of June,” he responded.<br /><br />New tears sprung up into my eyes and began to fall down my face. He was released at the same time Kaylen called me. The police had notified my family that Vince had been released and they hadn’t told me. My family knew where I was and they chose not to tell me that the man who had beaten and raped me was free. Even worse was that they hadn’t told the police where I was so they could notify me. Now he was in Chicago and looking for revenge.<br /><br />“They knew,” I whispered to Patrick.<br /><br />“Who knew?” he asked.<br /><br />“My family. They knew and they chose not to tell me. They hate me so much they wouldn’t even warn me,” I choked out.<br /><br />Patrick wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. I could hear his voice saying something to me, but I didn’t hear the words. I couldn’t believe that they would do that to me. And yet I shouldn’t have been surprised. They had killed me off after all. Then I remembered something else Kaylen said. She said they had been arguing about what to do. That meant someone had wanted me to know. I couldn’t help but wonder which one of them that was.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-27819855873072443662010-07-26T11:13:00.000-07:002010-07-26T11:22:30.984-07:00Chapter 30I closed up my notes for the day and got out from behind my desk. So far the first week of school had been uneventful, which was a nice change of pace. The last few years the first week of school had been crazy. I called out a goodbye to my secretary as I walked out of my office.<br /><br />The hallways were mostly empty since school had ended at least an hour earlier. The only students remaining were one’s on a fall sports team. I stopped and talked to Paige for a few minutes before continuing out to the parking lot. I walked out of the door and dug into my purse for my car keys. When I looked back up, I nearly fell over in shock.<br /><br />Standing there, leaning against one of the support poles in front of the school was Patrick. His arms were crossed over his chest, one ankle crossed over the other. The moment our eyes locked he beamed over at me. Completely forgetting where I was, I rushed over to him and jumped into his arms with a squeal.<br /><br />“What are you doing here?” I asked, my arms wrapping around him in a tight hug.<br /><br />“I decided to fly back a few days early to surprise you,” he replied. “Surprise!” I laughed along with him.<br /><br />“I’d kiss you if I wasn’t still on school property,” I told him, unable to keep the smile off of my face.<br /><br />“Then let’s go.”<br /><br />He got into his car and followed me back to my apartment. The second the cars were parked and we were out of them, we were in each other’s arms. I didn’t care that we were standing in the middle of the sidewalk outside my building, I just cared that Patrick was back and his lips were on mine.<br /><br />We managed to fumble our way into the building, up the elevator, and to my apartment. I felt like a giddy teenager, but didn’t care at all. As soon as we were inside he had my back pressed up against the door, our mouths seemingly unable to pull apart. I felt him untuck my shirt from my pants, and shivered when his hands skimmed over my stomach.<br /><br />“Have I told you how beautiful you looked yet?” he asked between kisses.<br /><br />“Have I told you how happy I am to see you?” I returned.<br /><br />We left a trail of clothes leading from the entryway to my bedroom. My head was spinning like it wasn’t getting enough oxygen, or maybe too much of it. His touch felt electric and I felt like I’d die if he ever stopped touching me.<br /><br />“What are you doing this weekend?” he asked me later, as we lay tangled up together in bed.<br /><br />“I was just going to relax after the first week of school,” I answered, placing a few kisses along his jawline.<br /><br />“Then pack up some stuff. You’re coming to my place, and I don’t plan on letting you out of my sight until Monday morning when you go back to work.”<br /><br />I did what Patrick said and packed a bag of stuff, including work clothes for Monday. Then I grabbed some of Loxley’s stuff and we headed out. I followed Patrick back to his house, where Loxley was overjoyed to be reunited with Dudley. While they ran around the backyard, Patrick and I sat and watched them, hands intertwined, talking about the past month.<br /><br />I spent most of the next day helping him unpack and get settled back in for the season. He argued with me through most of it, telling me he could do it himself, but if I was going to stay here, there was no way I was digging through boxes for anything. At one point Patrick stopped me from unpacking a box.<br /><br />“I have something to show you,” he told me. I looked at him skeptically as he took my hand and led me back towards his bedroom.<br /><br />“I think I’ve already seen it,” I joked. He just rolled his eyes at me.<br /><br />To my surprise he took a detour and led me to the door of one of the guest rooms in his house instead of his room. I looked at him in confusion and waited for him to say something. Instead he just smiled at me before slowly turning the doorknob and opening the door. When I looked in, my breath caught in my throat.<br /><br />The bed that had been in there was gone, replaced by an easel. The dresser was replaced with shelving that held an assortment of paints and brushes. A desk and small couch were the only other furnishings in the room. I stepped in and inspected the selection on the shelves and found that he’d gotten the same stuff I always used.<br /><br />“It’s so you can paint if you want while you’re here,” I heard him say from the doorway.<br /><br />Tears filled my eyes at the gesture. He knew how much I enjoyed painting and how therapeutic it was for me. For him to convert an entire room in his house into a studio just for me went above and beyond what anyone had ever done for me. A strange new feeling seemed to overtake me, and I wasn’t quite sure what it was.<br /><br />“What? How? When?” I blabbered.<br /><br />“Yesterday while you were at work,” he explained.<br /><br />“Thank you,” I choked out, when I finally turned back to him.<br /><br />He closed the distance between us and pulled me into a hug, placing a kiss on my forehead in the process. I clung to him as the tears slid down my cheeks. My whirling emotions were getting the best of me right now and I was struggling to understand what this new sensation was.<br /><br />All I knew was that my heart was pounding, my head was spinning, and I felt nauseous in an almost pleasant way. This was something I’d never felt before and I wasn’t used to not being able to rationalize my emotions. I pulled back a little and looked up at him. As I looked into Patrick’s eyes he took a hand and gently wiped the tears away.<br /><br />I saw something then, swimming in his eyes that made me understand. I felt like it was suddenly plain as day and like I should have known all along. The word pounded through my brain. <em>Love</em>. This was what being in love felt like. I let my hands fall away from around Patrick as I tried to swallow back the lump forming in my throat. Suddenly the nausea wasn’t so pleasant feeling anymore.<br /><br />“Are you okay?” he asked, concern replacing what I’d just seen in his eyes. I nodded even as I backed away from him.<br /><br />“Yeah. I think so. I’m just so surprised,” I lied. He smiled at me again and pulled me back in to him.<br /><br />I had been hit way too suddenly with this realization to be okay in the least bit. He tilted my chin up so that I was looking at him again and he lowered his mouth to mine. As I kissed him back I fought the urge to pull away and run. I wasn’t prepared for this. I wasn’t ready for this to be happening.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Patrick lay awake, Gabrielle in his arms. She was tucked into him, fitting together like two puzzle pieces that belonged. He could smell the light flowery scent emanating from her hair, and while that usually was enough to put a smile on his face, it wasn’t doing the trick tonight. Instead he was wondering if he’d gone too far.<br /><br />He didn’t know why it hadn’t occurred to him that setting up an extra room in his house strictly for Gabby’s use would get to her. At the time he’d just thought that she’d appreciate what he’d done for her. When he saw her reaction he knew what he’d actually done. It was like he could actually see every emotion she was feeling clear as day.<br /><br />At first when she’d seen the room, he could see how happy and appreciative she’d been. She’d been shocked and yet overjoyed by it. When she’d clung to him, the tears in her eyes, he’d been right there. He’d almost blurted it out. He’d almost told her that he loved her, forgetting what she’d said to him months ago.<br /><br />He knew she felt it too. He could read it in her eyes when she’d looked up at him and he’d wiped the tears away. He could feel her rapidly beating heart as she was pressed against him. Seeing that look on her face, in her eyes, had almost cost him all the progress he’d made with her.<br /><br />It sounded strange, but he felt like she knew he was about to say it. His mouth was about to open to tell her when he saw fear wipe away all other emotions on her face. Her body had stiffened and she’d backed away from him. He could see the inner turmoil over what was happening written all over her expressions. She’d told him that she was okay, but he knew that was a lie.<br /><br />He also knew that calling her out on it would have been an even bigger mistake. She’d told him not to fall in love with her. It was too late for that, but then again he’d always felt that she’d actually meant she didn’t want to hear him say it. Now he knew that she wasn’t ready for it. She wasn’t ready to hear him tell her that, even if he was positive she felt the same way.<br /><br />And that was something else. He didn’t think anyone else got to be as lucky as he was. He got to actually witness the moment when the girl he was in love with fell in love with him. He could see it happen. It was a moment he wouldn’t soon forget.<br /><br />Suddenly, he was yanked out of his thoughts when Gabby bolted upright in bed with a yell. She ripped herself from his grasp and struggled to get her ragged breathing under control. He could see sweat glistening on her brow in the moonlight shining into the bedroom.<br /><br />“Hey, Gabby, it’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay,” he told her gently, calmly, as he reached out for her.<br /><br />She let him pull her back into him. He held her as her body shook from whatever nightmare she’d just had. Like he’d done a few times before, he pressed his forehead against hers and placed her hand on his chest. He didn’t have to say anything. She understood what he was doing and her breathing soon returned to normal.<br /><br />“I’m sorry,” she apologized in a whisper.<br /><br />“You don’t ever have to apologize to me,” he responded.<br /><br />She looked up at him for the first time and he saw it there again in her eyes. This time he wasn’t going to make the mistake. He didn’t want to see her love for him disappear again. Instead he placed a kiss on her forehead, the tip of her nose, and then her lips before pulling her back down to the bed. He wrapped his arms around her as she rested her head on his chest. He waited until she couldn’t see his eyes again before he let the thought run through his mind. <em>I love you, Gabby</em>.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-86513861229966859862010-07-19T09:03:00.000-07:002010-07-19T09:11:11.053-07:00Chapter 29I walked up to the gate at the airport and sat down. I was ridiculously early for my flight to Ontario and had a lot of time to kill. As I pulled out a book to read while I waited I realized that I was much less distressed about flying this time than I was the last time. I almost laughed when I thought about my first trip to Thunder Bay.<br /><br />I’d come a long way in the last 8 months, I thought. Part of the reason I’d shown up to the airport so early was because I was afraid I’d start getting really anxious and I wanted to give myself time to calm down before the plane took off. The other reason was that I was just simply excited to see Patrick again.<br /><br />It had been just over a month since I’d seen him last. He’d left Chicago two weeks after they’d lost and I didn’t see him again until the second week of July. He’d flown out for a week. Since I was working we had fully intended on him using his house, but that hadn’t happened. He only went there to check on things before heading straight back to my apartment. It was a strange but nice feeling to have him there when I woke up in the morning, and when I got home from work.<br /><br />I had somehow convinced myself that saying goodbye to him when he’d flown back home wouldn’t be that difficult because I was busy with work and I’d be seeing him in a month. I was mistaken. The second he was out of sight at the airport I’d started bawling, to the point where someone employed at the airport asked me if I was okay. That was a new feeling.<br /><br />Now I was checking my watch every two minutes to see how much time I had left until I’d see him. All I knew was that if my flight was delayed I might kill someone. Finally the call to board the plane came over the loudspeaker and I took my seat next to the window. A man took the seat next to me and I gave him a polite smile before turning my attention back out the window.<br /><br />I kept my eyes glued to the action outside, willing the plane to start moving. I didn’t turn my attention from the window until we were high up in the air with just the clouds for a view. Figuring time would go by faster if I didn’t just stare off, I pulled out my book and attempted to read.<br /><br />“Do you mind if I work on my laptop?” the man next to me asked. I smiled and shook my head.<br /><br />“No, go right ahead,” I told him.<br /><br />“Business or pleasure?” he asked. I understood the question and my smile grew as I thought about the answer.<br /><br />“Pleasure. I’m going to go ahead and guess you’re business?” He laughed at the assumption.<br /><br />“What gave it away?” he joked.<br /><br />We chatted for a few more minutes before he got to work and I got back to my book. I continued to check my watch constantly, just unable to concentrate on the words in front of me. When I heard the captain announce our descent I nearly jumped out of my seat in excitement.<br /><br />“You know, I’m going to be in the area for a couple of days. If you have time, I’d love if you could join me for dinner some night,” the guy next to me, whose name I’d already forgotten, said.<br /><br />“Oh, that’s really sweet of you, but I’m flying in to spend the week with my boyfriend,” I explained. He gave me a knowing smile before apologizing and we spent the rest of the flight in silence.<br /><br />Once on the ground I waited impatiently for the passengers ahead of me to clear out so I could get off the plane. I practically ran to customs to try to cut off as many people as possible. Once through I made my way towards baggage claim. As soon as it was in sight I spotted Patrick leaning against a wall. My heart started to race as a smile spread across my face. His eyes locked with mine, and I saw a smile form on his as well.<br /><br />“About time you got here,” he told me before pulling me into a lingering kiss.<br /><br />“It took forever,” I murmured against his lips. We kissed again and I felt that butterfly feeling in my stomach. God, I’d missed that.<br /><br />“If we don’t get out of here now, these people are going to get a hell of a show,” Patrick whispered. I grinned up at him and backed away.<br /><br />“Then keep your hands off of me until I get my luggage and we get to your house.”<br /><br />It was an agonizing wait for my luggage to finally make its way out, made even more agonizing by the fact that Patrick just couldn’t keep his hands to himself. We’d talked every day since he’d left, but it wasn’t the same as being in the same room. Patrick grabbed my suitcase and carried it out to the car before speeding back to his house.<br /><br />“So my family would love to see you at least once while you’re here,” he told me later that night. I felt warm memories of Christmas flood back into my mind. They might not have been so warm at the time, but now I could appreciate them.<br /><br />“And I would love to see them, as long as you don’t make me get out of bed quite yet,” I replied.<br /><br />“Oh, trust me, you’re not leaving this bed anytime soon.”<br /><br />The next night Patrick and I got ready and headed over to his parents’ house for dinner. His brother, sister-in-law, and their new son were going to be there as well. I wasn’t nervous or anxious at all about the upcoming night. In fact, I kind of looked forward to it. I knew that I’d been accepted by them the last time I was here, and it was nice to think that I was sort of a part of a family.<br /><br />“Gabrielle, hi! Come in, come in!” Patrick’s mother called to me in greeting as we walked up the sidewalk. She gave me a hug as soon as I was on the porch, and I couldn’t help but grin at the welcome.<br /><br />“It’s so nice to see you again, Elise,” I replied when I followed her into the house.<br /><br />The rest of Patrick’s family were in the living room waiting on our arrival. I smiled and greeted them all before my gaze fell on Faith and the infant she had in her arms. She was rocking him and smiling down at him. That was when the first hitched breath came. I hadn’t been expecting it so it took me by surprise.<br /><br />“Are you okay?” Patrick asked me, noticing that my hand was now clutching at my chest. I turned to him and forced a smile onto my face.<br /><br />“Yeah, I’m fine. He’s just so beautiful,” I said turning my attention back to Faith and playing off my reaction.<br /><br />Chris and Faith both grinned over at me and thanked me. I forced feet that felt like they were weighed down by cement to carry me over to them. I did all the things that were expected from someone who saw a newborn for the first time. I complimented him, smiled down at him, asked how things were going, but I didn’t touch him. I may have been able to force air into my tightening lungs while I pretended I was fine, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch him.<br /><br />Patrick, his father, and Chris disappeared somewhere and Elise went into the kitchen to continue making dinner. That left Faith and I alone in the living room. She talked about what the last few months had been like, but I couldn’t keep my mind focused on what she was saying. I kept flashing back to the only time I’d held a baby…..my baby. In the midst of my absent-minded smiling and nodding, I watched Faith get thrown up on.<br /><br />“Oh, shoot. Gabrielle, could you just hold Caleb for me for a second so I can clean up?” Faith asked, not waiting for a response. Before I knew what was happening, I was holding Caleb, and alone in the room.<br /><br />I practically froze, not sure what was going to happen. I felt the tightening in my chest start back up again and I felt myself start to shake so badly that I could literally see Caleb shaking as well. I didn’t know why this was happening now when I’d been able to play with so many of Patrick’s teammates’ kids, but it was.<br /><br />I struggled to suck air into my lungs while simultaneously not dropping Caleb from my unsteady hands. I wasn’t ready for this. I thought I’d be fine and I obviously wasn’t. I didn’t hear him come into the room, but suddenly Caleb was out of my arms and in Patrick’s. He turned and walked out of the room, returning empty handed. I felt him take hold of my arm and pull me off the couch.<br /><br />“Let’s go outside,” he whispered. I merely let him pull me out the front door, down the driveway, and then the sidewalk. When we were out of sight of his house he put both hands on my face and looked straight into my eyes. “Breathe, Gabby. In and out. Just like me.”<br /><br />He put my hand on his chest and exaggerated his own breaths. Following his lead and his coaxing I felt myself start to take longer and deeper breaths, eventually matching with his pace. After a little while I was back to breathing okay, and the tightness was gone, replaced now by tears.<br /><br />“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t ready,” I whispered as he pulled me into him.<br /><br />“It’s okay. There’s no reason to be sorry,” he told me as he stroked my hair, comforting me in the process. “Are you okay now?” he asked after a while. I pulled back and nodded, the tears no longer falling.<br /><br />“Yeah, I think so.” He placed a kiss on my forehead before taking my hand and leading me back to his parents’ house.<br /><br />I gave my head a shake and took a deep breath before we walked back inside. Everyone greeted us with a smile as we all made our way into the dining room for dinner, not suspecting a thing. I made it through dinner with no more problems and did my best to focus on having a good time. By the time we left that night, the genuine smile was back on my face.<br /><br />Thankfully despite seeing Patrick’s family a couple more times through the week, I never had another panic attack. Instead I had more fun than I thought I could have and was sad to leave when my time there was over. I only had one more month to go before Patrick would be back in Chicago for the season. It was all that kept me from crying through the entire plane ride home.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-28632175873691413662010-07-13T09:57:00.000-07:002010-07-13T10:19:21.524-07:00Chapter 28So for some reason I can't add songs onto my playlist, which bums me out. So if anyone cares, the song for this chapter is Falling In by Lifehouse. You can listen to it here.....<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO4WosPJbi0">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO4WosPJbi0</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The sound of my cell phone ringing jolted me out of sleep. Without much movement, I felt around the bedside table for it. I heard Patrick’s groggy groaning as he rolled over and pulled the blankets up over his head. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was only 9 at night. Patrick and I hadn’t intended on going to bed early, but we’d been tired and wanted to watch TV in bed. Obviously we had fallen asleep.<br /><br />“Hello?” I croaked into the receiver.<br /><br />“Aunt Gabrielle?” I heard my niece’s voice ask.<br /><br />“Kaylen, is something wrong?” I asked, sitting straight up in bed. Patrick shifted and looked up at me with concern.<br /><br />“I…..I don’t know…..” Kaylen’s voice trailed off.<br /><br />“Are you okay?” I checked.<br /><br />“Yeah, I’m fine.”<br /><br />“Are your parents okay? Your grandparents, aunt? Quinn?” I added, my voice cracking on Quinn’s name.<br /><br />“Yeah, I think so. It’s just…..something’s going on. Everyone’s here at my house,” she told me.<br /><br />“I don’t understand,” I replied. Kaylen took a deep breath that I could hear over the phone.<br /><br />“Grandma, grandpa, and Aunt Bailey all came over tonight. I was supposed to be in my room doing homework, but they never come over unannounced so I was curious. I heard part of the conversation, and I know something’s going on that’s not good. They were arguing with each other.”<br /><br />“What were they arguing about?” I still wasn’t sure what was going on or why Kaylen was calling me.<br /><br />“You,” she said.<br /><br />My breath caught in my throat at the one word response. Why was my family arguing about me now? It had been months since Kaylen had showed up at my door, and I hadn’t done anything to try to get back in contact with them. It didn’t make any sense. If they wanted to talk to me, they would have done it then.<br /><br />“What about me?” I asked.<br /><br />“I don’t know. They were arguing over whether they should tell you something. I didn’t hear what it was. It seemed bad though. All I know is that they were considering going out to see you to tell you whatever it was. That’s how I know something has to be going on. I heard them decide not to though,” Kaylen explained.<br /><br />I wasn’t sure what to do with this information. Something so significant had happened that the family who shunned me and then killed me was considering coming out to see me to tell me about it. I had no idea what that possibly could be. All I knew was they’d decided not to include me on the information, and even though it shouldn’t have, it hurt.<br /><br />“Okay. I don’t think you have to worry. If it was really important they’d tell me,” I lied to Kaylen. I didn’t know if they would, but I didn’t want Kaylen upset. “Thanks for telling me though.” We hung up a minute later and I fell back onto my pillows.<br /><br />“What’s going on?” Patrick asked, cuddling up next to me.<br /><br />“I have no idea,” I told him truthfully.<br /><br />I heard his breathing pattern change a little while later and I knew he was asleep. I, however, was not going to fall asleep anytime soon. Confusion mixed with pain and anger as I thought about what Kaylen had told me. I knew she meant well by calling to tell me something was going on, but I wished she hadn’t. Sometimes ignorance really was bliss. I forced my eyes closed and tried to clear my head so I could get to sleep. Eventually I did.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Patrick stood off to the side and smiled to himself as he watched Gabrielle smooth out the summery dress she’d put on. She never wore dresses and it was a sight he could get used to. She turned around and smiled when she caught him staring at her, a slight blush forming on her cheeks.<br /><br />“What?” she asked.<br /><br />“You just look beautiful, that’s all,” he told her. The blush got a little darker as she moved over to him, stood on her tip toes and kissed him lightly.<br /><br />“You’re looking good yourself,” she complimented him. He caught her chin before she could turn away and placed a longer kiss on her lips.<br /><br />“Are you ready to go?” he asked when they pulled apart. She nodded and followed him out to his car.<br /><br />Ever since they’d lost out in playoffs, Patrick had been spending nearly every second he could with Gabby. He was heading back home in a couple of days and then he didn’t quite know when he’d see her next. He wasn’t going to waste any time.<br /><br />He opened the car door for her and then got in himself. He followed Gabrielle’s directions to her school’s principal’s house. Every year after the school year was over, Isaiah had a barbecue at his house for the school staff to celebrate another year.<br /><br />Gabby had told him he didn’t have to come, but he wanted to go. He knew people were probably going to bring up the playoffs all day, but he wanted to support his girl. He could suck it up for a couple of hours for her. At least he’d know both Paige and her boyfriend Harding were going to be there.<br /><br />They arrived and Gabby immediately began introducing him to her co-workers. Much to his surprise and delight, they didn’t seem all that interested in talking hockey with him. You can ask any hockey player and they’ll tell you the last thing they want to do in the offseason is discuss hockey. He got a couple of questions about what it was like from a few of the men, but he knew that was inevitable since it was most kids’ dream to play a pro sport.<br /><br />He happily made the rounds with Gabby, but mostly stood back and watched her. He knew that she didn’t think she had many friends in the world because she felt like she’d always closed herself off, but being here, he saw that wasn’t the case. If he could have guessed, he would think that everyone here loved her. Every person at the party made sure to say hi to her and ask how things were going. She was definitely well liked.<br /><br />After a while he excused himself to go grab a drink from a cooler on the deck. He paused before heading back just to watch Gabrielle. It put a smile on his face to see her smiling. He felt a tug in his gut that confirmed what he felt. She was something special.<br /><br />“I hope we’re not too boring for you,” he heard a deep voice say to him. He turned to see Isaiah walking up and grabbing a beer out of the cooler he was standing next to.<br /><br />“No, not at all. Everyone’s been very nice,” Patrick assured him.<br /><br />“Good. If anyone steps out of line, just let me know and I’ll have them fired,” Isaiah joked. Patrick laughed.<br /><br />“I’ll keep that in mind.” Isaiah followed Patrick’s gaze out to Gabby and he let out a little laugh of his own.<br /><br />“She is something special,” Isaiah told him.<br /><br />“I completely agree.”<br /><br />“A few years ago our school’s psychologist was retiring and we were interviewing for a new one. Usually I would have only considered more experienced candidates, but when Gabrielle’s resume came in, I thought ‘what the hell’ and set up an interview. The interview time came and passed with no sign of her. I tossed her resume into the ‘no’ pile and wrote her off,” Isaiah told him.<br /><br />“So what changed?” Patrick asked, figuring this was as close as he was going to get to a proud parent gushing about their child.<br /><br />“I left my office half an hour after he scheduled time to do a routine walkthrough of the school. I turned a corner and found a woman I’d never seen before talking with a female student who looked to have been crying. The student had been having trouble in school lately, so I started to approach, worried about the situation. Only before I got there the student hugged the woman before smiling and walking down the hall.<br /><br />Not sure what was going on I asked the woman what had happened. She just told me that she’d seen the girl crying in the hallway and had stopped to find out what was wrong. She refused to tell me what they’d talked about, but seemed confident that the problem was resolved. When I asked her what she was doing in the school she told me her name was Gabrielle Tunney, and she’d been here for an interview she was now very late for and probably wasn’t going to get because of that. She didn’t sound the least bit apologetic.”<br /><br />“That sounds just like Gabby,” Patrick interjected with a laugh. Isaiah nodded.<br /><br />“I wanted to hire someone who really cared about the students. The fact that Gabrielle was willing to cost herself a job to help a student she’d never even seen before showed me what kind of person she was. I told her who I was, brought her back to my office, and did the formal interview, but I’d already decided she was hired,” Isaiah finished.<br /><br />“What happened to the student?” Patrick asked curiously.<br /><br />“I never found out what the problem was, but her grades went up, and she graduated top ten in her class.”<br /><br />Patrick wasn’t at all surprised. He and Isaiah talked for a bit longer, but he kept his eye on Gabrielle. She turned towards the house and spotted him looking at her. She smiled and sent a little wave over to him that he returned. After hearing Isaiah’s story it became clear to Patrick what he’d been feeling all along. He was ready to answer Olivia’s question now, because he knew without a doubt. He was in love with Gabby.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-64125488366036241132010-07-03T10:26:00.000-07:002010-07-03T10:34:40.120-07:00Chapter 27Patrick walked into the family room after the last regular season game of the year and couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. He couldn’t help it. When he walked through the door he saw Gabrielle chasing, picking up, and laughing with Huet’s son. That was something he never thought he’d see.<br /><br />Another month had passed and although he’d felt like everything with Gabrielle had changed before, he knew it had changed now. There had been little things in her story about what had happened to her growing up the first time she’d told him about her life that hadn’t made much sense. Lines like '17 was a real banner year for me’ had puzzled him, but he hadn’t pushed. Now they made sense. He had every piece of the puzzle now, and she seemed free.<br /><br />After she’d finished telling him about Vince and Quinn he’d just held her in silence. Unlike the first confession, there’d been no anger or disappointment in knowing she’d kept something from him. He understood why someone wouldn’t want to talk about something so traumatizing. He only felt sorry that some asshole had further ruined her life. If he were to ever meet that guy, he’d kill him.<br /><br />At the same time, Patrick had learned something too. He’d never forget what Gabrielle had said to him after the first confession. Don’t ever fall in love with me. Well, he couldn’t say that he was there, but he didn’t think she was as far off as she wanted him to believe. When she’d told him that he’d been the first guy she’d been with since she was a teenager, and he’d been the first guy she’d ever enjoyed being with, he’d sensed it. It also meant more to him than he’d tell her.<br /><br />She’d seemed both surprised and not at all when he hadn’t been upset or walked out when she’d finished telling him about her past. He wasn’t going to leave because some cocksucker raped her and got her pregnant and she had a hard time dealing. When she’d finally gotten herself together that afternoon she’d called Olivia at his insistence. Olivia had come right back.<br /><br />He could quickly see why Olivia had been the only person to get through to Gabrielle and why she was the only person Gabrielle could trust back then. Within five minutes of meeting Olivia Patrick felt like giving her his life story, even if it was the tamest story ever told. It was just the way she was with people that seemed to make them want to entrust her with their deepest secrets.<br /><br />“I knew Gabrielle couldn’t be with anyone that wasn’t worthy,” Olivia had told him when Gabrielle had left the room that night. He’d been taken by surprise by the comment.<br /><br />“What do you mean?” he’d asked.<br /><br />“She doesn’t trust easily. Everyone in her life has let her down and she’s been afraid to form any sort of relationship with people since. The fact that she was able to let down her walls with you tells me a lot about how she feels about you. The fact that you’re still sitting here and looking at her the way I’ve seen you look at her tells me a lot about how you feel about her,” Olivia had explained.<br /><br />“She told me not to fall in love with her,” he confessed. Olivia had nodded and smiled.<br /><br />“That sounds like something she would say. Have you?” Olivia had asked. He’d hesitated in his answer, because he wasn’t quite sure.<br /><br />“You tell me,” he’d finally said. Olivia had laughed pretty heartily.<br /><br />“It won’t take long before you know the answer,” was all she’d said. Gabrielle had walked back into the room and the conversation quickly turned.<br /><br />Now he remained just inside the door of the room, watching Gabrielle chase around the kids, laughing. He marveled at her turnaround. He wasn’t sure if he was in her position that he would have been able to do the same. The guys had questioned him on what her deal was that one night, and he’d just said that they’d had an argument without elaborating. Now they were telling him they approved. The guys were usually right.<br /><br />“Oh, Patrick, hey!” she greeted him, as she looked up from the spot she’d taken on the floor to be a goalie for a game of mini sticks.<br /><br />“Should I come back later?” he asked, a smile playing on his lips.<br /><br />“What do you think, guys? Want him to play or leave?” Gabby asked the kids around her.<br /><br />They voiced their pleasure at having him join the game, and he got to his knees in the other net to oblige. He and Gabby traded laughter as foam pucks were shot at the two of them, and they even shot pucks at each other. He watched with narrowed eyes as she pulled her team into a conference and whispered something to them. Then he watched in horror as they all piled on him until the puck was in the net.<br /><br />“Your kids are too smart!” Patrick yelled to Huet as he walked out on the scene. Huet laughed as his children ran over to give him a hug.<br /><br />Patrick got up and waited for Gabrielle to walk back into the room to collect her stuff. He grabbed her hand and they walked out of the rink in silence after calling out goodbyes to everyone inside. They got into the car and as Patrick started it up he glanced over at Gabby and smiled.<br /><br />“What?” she asked.<br /><br />“I just never thought I’d see you playing around like that,” he told her. The smile on her face faded a little and she was quiet for a minute.<br /><br />“It’s easier than before, but…..” Her voice trailed off as he pulled out of the parking lot.<br /><br />“You’d be a great mother.” He could see the emotions swirling behind her eyes at his statement and he grabbed her hand. She gave it a squeeze to let him know she was thankful for what he said. Then they were silent for the rest of the car ride.<br /><br />“I’ll prove it to Quinn someday,” Gabrielle said when they’d gotten out of the car at her apartment. Patrick believed her.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />“What are we going to do this summer?” Patrick asked me while we lay in bed that night. I hadn’t been prepared for that question and didn’t have an answer ready.<br /><br />“I’m working,” I finally told him. He turned to me, a frown on his face.<br /><br />“The entire summer?” I pulled the blankets up over me, a little uncomfortable about having this conversation while naked in bed.<br /><br />“I’ll have a couple of weeks off at the end of the school year, but there’s summer school. In a way it’s more important for me to be there for that than the regular school year. There will be a couple weeks at the end of summer before the year starts back up again,” I told him. He let out a sigh.<br /><br />“You know I don’t live here in Chicago all year, right?”<br /><br />I didn’t know. I’d never thought about it. For some reason I’d never considered his off-season plans and the fact that he had a house in Ontario, and just assumed he was always here year round. I covered my face in my hands and groaned out my frustration.<br /><br />“Fuck,” I whispered.<br /><br />“Do you get any time off?” he asked.<br /><br />“Just weekends. Not enough time to fly up and have any sort of time there,” I replied. He cursed as well.<br /><br />“How long is summer school?”<br /><br />“Beginning of June to the beginning of August.” Two months. That was two months I was going to have to go without seeing Patrick. I felt awful at just the thought of it.<br /><br />“Maybe we’ll win the Cup and be here until mid-June. I’ll come down for a week in July. You can come up when you’re done in August,” he suggested.<br /><br />It was so easy for him to plan it out, to come up with a solution. I would have agonized over the situation for weeks wondering what to do. I grabbed his face with my hands and kissed him hard. When I tried to pull back he wouldn’t let me. Instead I felt him getting ready for a second round, and I felt the familiar tingling that told me I was ready too.<br /><br />“You better win that Cup,” I growled out. He rolled me over onto my back, placing his body over mine.<br /><br />“I’ll do what I can,” he promised.<br /><br />I looked on in stunned disbelief a month and a half later in my apartment as Paige, Harding, and I watched the Hawks shake hands with the Red Wings after losing in the Conference Finals. They had been so close to the finals. And now I was losing Patrick earlier than I had hoped.<br /><br />“It’ll be okay,” Paige told me reassuringly.<br /><br />I nodded my agreement even though I didn’t believe her. It was going to be a long time between us seeing each other when he went home. I did everything I could not to think about. I’d never had a relationship, let alone a long distance one before. I didn’t even want to comprehend how difficult that would be.<br /><br />Early in the morning I heard the bell go off in my apartment. I hadn’t slept that night and was wide awake when it had gone off. I buzzed Patrick in and left the door unlocked for him. He walked in cleanly shaven and depressed, smelling a little like the booze I’d known he’d gone out and gotten with a couple of his teammates. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I didn’t know how to comfort a professional athlete when they lost that close to being in the finals.<br /><br />I just looked at Patrick and he walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I pulled him into me and placed a kiss on his neck as I held him for a long time in silence. When he finally pulled back, he looked tired and sad. The only thing I could think of to do was to get up on my tip toes and place a kiss on his lips.<br /><br />He looked down at me and at my clothing afterwards. I understood that he knew I hadn’t been to sleep that night. Without a word and without warning he walked away from me. I wasn’t sure what he was doing until I saw him stop outside the door to the studio. I didn’t want him to go in there. I’d been painting.<br /><br />He paused just steps in the studio, looking at the piece of art on the easel. I’d never intended to paint it or to have him see it, but it was too late now. He stood motionless as he took it in. A woman was standing at a window, forehead and palms pressed against the glass as she looked down at the street below. What she was watching was a man putting a suitcase into a car.<br /><br />A few moments later Patrick turned back to me. Without a word his arms were around me and his mouth was on mine. I responded in kind and kissed him back, clinging to him. When he finally pulled back he looked straight into my eyes.<br /><br />“It’ll be okay. I promise,” he told me. I believed him.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-49154376119302615952010-06-21T10:29:00.000-07:002010-06-21T10:38:56.482-07:00Chapter 26Patrick glided around the ice by himself before practice, testing out his knee. All was quiet in the rink with no one else out there with him. It gave him time to think. And despite all the thinking he’d done last night he still needed to do some more. He just couldn’t figure out what had happened with Gabrielle last night.<br /><br />She’d literally gone from smiling to yelling at him in about half a second. He couldn’t figure it out. What had he done wrong? She’d yelled at him about volunteering her for babysitting, but he didn’t really think that could be it, right? And he wasn’t at all buying her excuse of ‘I don’t do kids.’ She always said that. ‘I don’t do’ insert word or phrase here. It drove him nuts.<br /><br />She’d used the same phrase when she was trying to avoid dating him. She said it as a defense to keep herself from having to tell him about her past eventually. She always said it when she was trying to avoid telling him about something. What was it this time? What did she not want to tell him now?<br /><br />Two thoughts hit him at the same time and both were equally unsettling. He just couldn’t think of any other reason. Maybe Gabrielle didn’t want children. That would certainly not work for him because he always had when the time came. Or maybe Gabrielle was pregnant and afraid to tell him. Oh God. That couldn’t be it.<br /><br />“How’s your knee feeling?” Mike, the team’s trainer, called out interrupting his thoughts.<br /><br />“A little tight, but no pain,” he called back. He got off the ice and followed Mike back to the training room.<br /><br />He didn’t have a chance to think about Gabrielle anymore that morning. He was officially cleared to start practicing with the team that morning. He made his way out to the ice again and participated in his first practice in a month with the team. Just pushing through the practice kept his mind off of Gabrielle for a little while.<br /><br />“How’s Gabrielle doing?” Tazer asked him in the locker room later. He shrugged.<br /><br />“I haven’t talked to her,” he responded.<br /><br />“Check out Sharpie digging the manic depressive chick,” Keith yelled over. He shot him a dirty look and chose not to respond to him, because Keither had no idea.<br /><br />“She wasn’t good last night when I brought her home,” Tazer told him. Patrick looked up at him in surprise.<br /><br />“You took her home? Did she say anything?” He was hoping for anything that could help him figure out what had gone on last night.<br /><br />“Sorry, man,” Tazer replied with a shake of his head. Patrick felt the disappointment. “She was throwing up in the parking lot and shaking when I got out to her.”<br /><br />“I don’t know what happened or what to do,” Patrick said helplessly.<br /><br />“Just go talk to her.” Yeah, he was going to have to do that.<br /><br />Patrick left the rink and drove straight towards Gabrielle’s apartment. He had to find out what had happened. If it was because of either situation he’d thought up then they really needed to talk. He called up from the lobby and she buzzed him up. He got up to her apartment and walked through the door only to be met with a woman he’d never seen before. She was putting on a jacket.<br /><br />“You must be Patrick,” she said with a smile. He nodded as she held out her hand and he took it. “I’m Olivia.”<br /><br />“Olivia? Gabby’s school counselor,” he said dumbly. He couldn’t help it. He was surprised to see her, or anyone for that matter. She laughed a little.<br /><br />“Yes, that’s me,” she replied.<br /><br />“Were you in town?” he asked. She shook her head.<br /><br />“Gabrielle called me early this morning and I hopped the first plane out of St. Louis to come see her,” Olivia explained. Patrick’s heart dropped. If Olivia dropped everything to fly out to Gabrielle immediately than something really awful must be going on. Olivia must have seen the look on his face. “She’ll be okay if you just hear what she has to say.”<br /><br />“I will. I’m going to. I just…..it scares me when she gets like this. I don’t know what to do,” he confessed. He watched as Gabrielle walked around the corner looking like she hadn’t slept all night.<br /><br />“You’re doing exactly what she needs,” Olivia assured him. “It was very nice to meet you.” She moved past him towards the door.<br /><br />“I’ll walk you out,” Gabrielle spoke up, her voice harsh, like she’d been crying.<br /><br />He watched as the two of them walked out the door leaving him standing in the entryway. He walked further into the apartment with all intentions of sitting down, but he realized he was too nervous to do that. Instead he began to pace around the open space wondering what was going on. The sound of the door closing caused him to look up and see Gabrielle coming back.<br /><br />“Are you okay?” he asked moving over towards her. She hesitated for a moment as her eyes darted around the room.<br /><br />“No,” she finally whispered out. He’d known the answer, but hearing her say it hurt.<br /><br />“I just don’t know what happened. You were fine and then…..” He let his voice trail off as he searched her face for any clue. None came, and she kept her eyes locked onto a spot on the floor. “Was it the kids? Do you really not like them?”<br /><br />He watched as her face twisted into complete anguish. He felt so helpless. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he had to know what was going on. She wasn’t exactly being forthcoming right now. Even so he just couldn’t seem to stop talking. He just needed to get it out and see what she said.<br /><br />“If that’s the case I don’t know what to do. I love them. I want them someday. I’ve always seen myself having a family when I’m ready to settle down. It’s kind of a deal breaker for me. You need to tell me if you don’t want them, Gabrielle. I need to know,” he pushed.<br /><br />He watched as her expression changed from anguish to grief as he spoke. Then he waited. When she spoke he hardly heard her, her voice was so quiet. He almost asked her to repeat herself, but he was in so much shock that even he couldn’t speak. Had she really just said that?<br /><br />“I have a daughter.”<br /><br />As soon as the words were out of her mouth she turned and walked away from him. He watched her retreating back for a moment before he could make himself move. He followed her into her studio where she collapsed down onto the futon in there. He glanced at the easel and took in the painting that was set up there.<br /><br />He suddenly began to understand, at least a little, about what was going on with Gabrielle when he saw it. In the painting there was a crib in a nursery. A large letter Q was on the wall above it. A woman was also half out the door of the nursery. She had a duffel bag in hand and was walking out of the room. She was also glancing back towards the crib.<br /><br />“Her name is Quinn. She’s with Rachel,” Gabrielle whispered.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Patrick turned back to me with astonishment all over his face. I couldn’t blame him. He thought I’d told him everything, but I hadn’t. This was something I thought that I would take to the grave with me. I’d never planned on telling a soul. It hurt too much. He moved over to the futon and sat down next to me.<br /><br />“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked quietly.<br /><br />“Because she’s my biggest regret and my biggest failure. I just left her. I let them take her from me and I didn’t put up a fight. I never wanted her and I almost killed myself because of it,” I choked out.<br /><br />“What are you talking about?” he wondered. I took a deep breath as the most painful memories in my life resurfaced. These were memories I’d never wanted to remember or relive.<br /><br />“When I was still an addict I used to do awful things just for drugs. Until I met you sex for me was a means for the cocaine or simply happened because I was too drugged out to really know what was going on. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth.”<br /><br />Patrick remained quiet as he waited for me to explain what that had to do with anything. I needed to take another deep breath before I could continue.<br /><br />“At a party one night, this guy I knew, Vince, somehow ended up alone with me in a bedroom. I wish I could remember how that happened, but I can’t. I remember him locking the door and me arguing with him about why he did it. He started trying to take my clothes off and I kept shoving him away. He became really angry and started yelling at me about how I gave it up to everyone else so why not him. I tried to get out, but he yanked me back and hit me. He beat me until I couldn’t fight back. Then he raped me as the party raged outside the door.”<br /><br />I felt each blow as the scene replayed in my mind. I could remember clear as day how the entire incident felt. Every feeling I had then washed over me now. Tears fell from my eyes as Patrick looked at me in horrified silence.<br /><br />“I ran to Olivia when it was over. She took me to the hospital and called the police. They gathered evidence and I pressed charges. It took over a year, but Vince was convicted thanks to another girl coming forward when she heard about me. He’s been in jail ever since for beating and raping us both.”<br /><br />“Jesus, Gabrielle,” Patrick whispered, taking my hand in his.<br /><br />“Just over a month after it happened I found out I was pregnant. I knew Vince was the father because I hadn’t let anyone touch me after that happened. In fact you were the first since then. Anyway, I didn’t want the baby. I didn’t want to carry my rapists child, but my family wouldn’t let me get rid of it. They’re values wouldn’t allow it, so I was forced to have her.”<br /><br />I thought about Quinn and wondered how I could have ever had those feelings. Common sense told me it was only normal to be feeling how I did back then, but I just couldn’t comprehend that I ever had.<br /><br />“When I had her I didn’t even want to look at her. People always talk about loving your child as soon as you see them, but that didn’t happen for me. I saw her and saw Vince and what he’d done. For three weeks I took care of her and cried nonstop. Eventually I couldn’t handle it anymore. I’d gotten off of the drugs when I found out I was pregnant, but I needed to escape my feelings. I did them again and overdosed. That was when I almost died.”<br /><br />I watched as understanding dawned on Patrick. He knew how this part of the story ended. He knew that’s when I left.<br /><br />“My parents had had enough. I had dragged their name through the mud during the very public trial of Vince. His lawyer called the other girl and me out. He brought up that we were addicts, called us sluts, all to defend his client. Then I was pregnant. Now I’d overdosed and almost died. They took Quinn from me and kicked me out. You know the rest.”<br /><br />Patrick pulled me into him, up onto his lap, and let me cry. He held me as the tears and emotions that I hadn’t shed all these years poured out of me. I just curled up on his lap and released everything I still had left in me. He just sat there and held me and allowed me to do that.<br /><br />“I’m so sorry, Gabby. So sorry,” he whispered when I’d become drained.<br /><br />“I think about her every day,” I told him.<br /><br />“Of course you do.” I shook my head.<br /><br />“You don’t understand. It happened in rehab. I fell in love with her. I’ve loved her and missed her every day. I can’t handle what I did to her. I failed my daughter. I love her so much, but I failed her,” I choked out. He put his hands on my face and forced me to look at him.<br /><br />“You didn’t fail her. If you hadn’t ever loved her, then you would have. Only then would you have failed her. But you do, Gabrielle. Don’t you see? Even if she doesn’t know it, she has your undying love, and that makes her the luckiest girl in the world.” New tears formed in my eyes at what he’d said, but not tears of sadness or pain.<br /><br />“How do you see things so clearly? How is it that you seem to know, to understand everything that I never could?”<br /><br />“Because I never had to experience it like you did. And I know you. I see you for who you truly are and I know what you have in your heart.”<br /><br />He kissed me then, softly, and kissed away the last of my pain. There would always be an ache when I thought of Quinn, but Patrick had once again helped me to come to terms with my past. I had nothing left to hide, nothing to run from. Everything was out, and he was still sitting here with me, kissing me. Olivia was right, like she usually is. Patrick had saved me.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-87596844679627091612010-06-14T14:29:00.000-07:002010-06-14T14:35:46.349-07:00Chapter 25Patrick and I sat in the family room at the rink before the game that night. I’d been coming in with him and we’d sit down in the room and have dinner while we talked with the rest of the team’s families. I knew Patrick was getting antsy about getting back out on the ice and playing, but I was going to miss doing this when he did.<br /><br />Playoffs were just around the corner and each game was starting to feel more and more intense. I knew next to nothing about what playoffs would be like, but just listening to everyone around me talk about it was getting me both excited and nervous for them. I’d even become kind of a joke with the girls. They kept telling me if the guys lost out and didn’t win the cup it was a good thing there was a psychologist who could help them get over the disappointment.<br /><br />Nathan had continued his improvement both inside and outside of school. He loved coming to the games with me and hanging out with Patrick and the team. It kept him from skipping school and getting into trouble outside of it. His grades had even been on an upswing after I’d hooked him up with a tutor.<br /><br />Gia was also starting to get better. She was starting to come in to my office more often on her own whenever something was bothering her. Even if she just came in to vent I knew it was a good thing because I hadn’t seen a single bandage on her wrist since that one day. We’d also had a meeting with her parents so that they could see what they were doing to her. Once they’d realized the extent of Gia’s hurt and anger they’d stopped all the fighting.<br /><br />She’d told me they were separated, which made her sad, but also gave her a sense of relief. They’d believed they were doing the right thing by trying to stay together for her, but once they realized it was only harming her, they’d done what was necessary. She was coping just fine.<br /><br />Patrick and I really couldn’t have been any better. We saw each other almost every day for at least lunch or dinner. He wasn’t travelling with the team since he was injured and it had been nice to have him around all the time. We’d even gone on some double dates with Paige and Harding. Paige loved Patrick and never failed to miss an opportunity to tell me how lucky I’d been to find someone willing to put up with all my shit.<br /><br />“Where did all these kids come from?” Patrick asked as we watched easily a dozen of them running all around the family room and the area immediately outside of it.<br /><br />“It seems everyone brought friends tonight,” I agreed. There were definitely more children here at the game tonight than there usually were.<br /><br />I watched them run around, play mini sticks, and sneak food when their parents weren’t looking. I could see the amused smile on Patrick’s face as he watched them run around and felt a pang of hurt and guilt. I just couldn’t muster up that kind of amusement as I watched them. At one point it seemed like they were crawling all over Patrick and he seemed to be loving every second of it.<br /><br />As I watched him do his best to play with the kids I knew that being a father would suit him. He seemed to be made for it. He was great with them and the look in his eyes was unmistakable. He loved kids. I should have known that before now with the way he’d talked about becoming an uncle before. Faith was going to pop any day now and he couldn’t wait to meet his nephew.<br /><br />When it was time for the game to start Patrick and I separated and I went to my seat with the rest of the girls. We met back up downstairs at each intermission, and each time Patrick seemed to be preoccupied with playing. To be honest, as I watched him I just wanted the night to end so I could go home and get away from there.<br /><br />The game ended and we met back up in the family room. I figured we’d be leaving like we usually did as soon as he came out of the locker room, but that wasn’t the case tonight. Tonight the second all the kids saw Patrick walk in, they wanted to play once again. He said he would just for a few more minutes and I was stuck standing there pretending to love the scene as much as everyone else.<br /><br />“He’s so great with kids!” Emily, Byfuglien’s girlfriend exclaimed. I forced a smile onto my face and nodded.<br /><br />“You guys are going to be lucky if you have kids someday,” Dayna, Seabrook’s girlfriend threw in. I started to get more and more upset by the second and just wished for Patrick to get up and say it was time to go.<br /><br />“You two can babysit my kids anytime you’d like!” Corrine Huet joked. Patrick looked over at me and grinned.<br /><br />“We’d love to,” he announced. I felt sick and the last remaining bit of smile I’d been managing to keep on my face disappeared.<br /><br />“Excuse me,” I muttered as I turned to talk out of a room that suddenly felt very small and claustrophobic.<br /><br />I put my hands over my face and tried to concentrate on my breathing to calm myself down and keep the panic attack from hitting me. Usually that helped, but this time it wasn’t helping at all. I could feel my chest getting tighter even as I struggled to force oxygen into my lungs.<br /><br />“Are you okay?” I heard Patrick ask. I felt his hand touch my shoulder and I jerked away.<br /><br />I didn’t answer him and instead ran down the hall and into the bathroom. I locked the main door behind me when I saw I was alone in there and then slid to the ground. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead on my knees. Just breathe, Gabrielle, in and out. Just breathe.<br /><br />It took a little time, but I managed to get my breathing under control. When I felt better I got up and splashed some cold water on my face. When I looked up at my reflection in the mirror I could see the strain on my face. And then the anger started. How dare he? How dare Patrick volunteer me for something without asking me?<br /><br />“Gabby? Are you okay?” I heard him call through the door after a knock.<br /><br />I turned to glare at the door and the only thing I could think was ‘who do you think you are?!’ I made my way over to the door, unlocked it, and yanked it open. He jumped back in surprise at the violence of my exit. Then he looked confused when he saw the look on my face.<br /><br />“Don’t you ever volunteer me to babysit anyone’s kids without talking to me first!” I yelled at him. His eyes widened in shock and I could see everyone standing in the hallway halt their conversations to turn and face us. I didn’t care.<br /><br />“I’m…..I’m sorry…..I didn’t realize it was…..”<br /><br />“I can’t even look at you right now,” I told him and turned to walk away. My stomach was churning and I felt sick. Then I felt his hand latch onto my arm.<br /><br />“Hey, hold on. What’s wrong? What did I do?” he asked as I spun around to face him.<br /><br />“I don’t do kids,” I told him through clenched teeth. My head began to spin with more thoughts than I could vocalize right now. I just wanted to get home, get in front of my easel and paint it out.<br /><br />“Gabrielle, you’re a school psychologist,” he reminded me.<br /><br />“They’re not kids, they’re young adults. It’s very different,” I told him as I ripped my arm out of his grasp. I needed to get out of there. I needed to get home and now.<br /><br />“So what, you don’t like young kids?” he asked.<br /><br />“Just stop, okay? Stop! I can’t do this. I can’t be here. I can’t be around you. I have to go.”<br /><br />I could feel my chest tightening up again and I felt like I was going to be sick. Without waiting to hear any sort of response from him I turned and ran down the hallway and out the door into the parking lot. I hoped that the fresh air would help to calm me down, but I was only getting worse.<br /><br />Too many things were rushing in and out of my head. Too many old conversations. Too many new situations. Harsh words and stupid decisions. Pain. Sadness. Confusion. Loss. Abandonment. I bent over a bush along the side of the rink and began to throw up even as I struggled to breathe.<br /><br />When I stopped I stood up and let the tears fall down my face. Never once since I’d grown up had I needed a family more than I needed one now. I had no one. Well, I had Patrick if this little fit hadn’t royally screwed that up, but I couldn’t talk to him right now. Now he was the cause of all of these feelings and I couldn’t, just couldn’t, face them right now.<br /><br />“Hey, I’ll bring you home,” I heard someone say from behind me. I turned to see Jon standing there, keys in his hand.<br /><br />Now you can add embarrassment to every other emotion running through me. I’d just made a crazy spectacle of myself in front of half of Patrick’s team. Right when I get them to start to like me, I pull a stunt like that. What kind of person am I? Who wants to deal with someone like me?<br /><br />“You don’t have to,” I told him through the tears.<br /><br />“I don’t mind. Really. I just want to make sure you’re home safe.” He looked sincere and concerned, so I nodded.<br /><br />We didn’t talk the entire trip to my apartment. I simply thanked him and then apologized when we got there before getting out and going upstairs. Loxley ran over to me, tail wagging when I walked through the door and I knelt down on the floor, wrapping my arms around his neck.<br /><br />“I’m so screwed up, Lox. So screwed up,” I whispered into his fur. He gave me a lick in the face and I managed a small smile at him. I took him outside before locking myself up in my studio.<br /><br />I sat for a moment just dumping different colors onto my palette. I didn’t know what I was going to paint, I just let myself go. I just painted until all the emotions were gone. The sun was coming up and shining into the room in the background, casting an angelic glow around my now finished creation. It had taken me all night with no direction, but now I was looking at a picture that made my heart ache. I picked up the phone and called the only person I could.<br /><br />“Hello, Gabrielle,” her voice greeted me. It brought on tears and it took me a moment to compose myself enough to speak.<br /><br />“Olivia, I need you,” I choked out.<br /><br />I’d never forgotten, but until this moment I’d managed to forgive. Now forgiveness was gone.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-31999573071686204332010-06-06T10:22:00.000-07:002010-06-06T10:34:34.653-07:00Chapter 24“I really need your help with something,” Patrick confessed. I looked across the coffee table from the chair I was in at him and Burish sitting on the couch across from me in my apartment.<br /><br />“<em>We</em> really need your help with something,” Adam corrected. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at them.<br /><br />“Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like this?” I asked, only to have Adam laugh and Patrick roll his eyes at my question.<br /><br />“She knows us too well,” Adam told Patrick.<br /><br />“Just hear us out before you judge,” Patrick said. I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded at him to continue.<br /><br />It had been a little over a month since the confession to Patrick about my past. Thankfully things had worked out with us. He hadn’t judged me and I’d felt myself lightening up about everything. Even my coworkers and Paige, who didn’t know what had happened, were commenting on how different I seemed. They chalked it up to my relationship with Patrick, and while it was that, it was so much more. A weight I’d been carrying for a decade was gone. Well.....almost gone.<br /><br />I’d found that things in my life almost seemed to magically be better with Patrick in my life. Changes had been going on that I almost hadn’t noticed had happened until they were long past. I could still remember the look Patrick gave me a few weeks ago when I grabbed a bottle of wine and refilled my glass to have a second.<br /><br />“What?” I’d asked him when I saw him looking at me. He shrugged, but eyed me warily.<br /><br />“Nothing,” he’d replied.<br /><br />It wasn’t until I’d taken a sip that I realized what had happened. It had been the first time I’d had a second glass of anything alcoholic since rehab. Even more, it was the first time I’d had any alcohol at all without thinking about my past and the drugs. It was like I’d been freed from something. Suddenly going out to a bar with Patrick and some of his teammates wasn’t scary anymore. I still didn’t get drunk, but the whole idea of alcohol was no longer terrifying.<br /><br />I’d even found myself happily agreeing on getting together with the other girls. Before I avoided most social contact with people in fear of what they might discover or pick up on. Now it was so nice just to get together with a group of women and talk. I hadn’t known what I was missing. On one occasion I’d even joined them on the dance floor. Patrick had nearly choked on his beer when he saw me out there.<br /><br />“What the hell are you doing?” he asked me after making his way over to me on the dance floor.<br /><br />“Dancing,” I told him with a smile. He looked like he couldn’t figure out what to say. “Do I look that bad doing it?” He shook his head.<br /><br />“No, not at all. You look…..wonderful.” I’d grinned at him, and he returned it before moving away to leave me to dance.<br /><br />It wasn’t until one afternoon when I finished up a painting and looked it over that I saw the true transformation. For what might have been the first time in my life I looked at a painting I’d done and smiled. It was a large house surrounded by fields and a white picket fence. There were two dogs running through a field that looked suspiciously like Lox and Dudley. The sky was a bright blue, sunshine spilling down all over the scene. Oh Lord, Gabrielle, what has happened to you?<br /><br />Now I was sitting in my living room listening to Patrick and Adam’s proposal in shock. They couldn’t be serious. People actually did things like this? Like I’d promised, I heard them out until they were done talking despite wanting to interrupt and tell them not a fat chance in hell they were getting my help.<br /><br />“So what do you think?” Patrick asked when they were done.<br /><br />“I think you both need to find a shrink,” I told them. Adam turned to Patrick.<br /><br />“I told you she wouldn’t go for it,” he said.<br /><br />“You were right.”<br /><br />“Come on. Do it for the poor cripple,” Patrick begged.<br /><br />I glanced down at his knee, and could see the outline of the brace under his pants. He’d gotten hurt in a game on Valentine’s Day, of all days. To me the holiday meant nothing, but Patrick had really wanted to do something special for me. Instead we’d spent a portion of the night at the hospital while he had his knee checked. I can remember how scared I was when I saw him go down, and how I’d never felt so worried about someone before in my life.<br /><br />“You’ve played the handicap card way too many times this past month. It loses its effectiveness.”<br /><br />“We’re doing this for your honor,” Adam tried. I narrowed my eyes at him. What the hell was he talking about?<br /><br />“I’m sorry?”<br /><br />“It’s getting back at Tazer for those texts he and Kaner sent you a few months ago. We’ve already gotten Kaner, but it’s Tazer’s turn,” he explained. My jaw dropped.<br /><br />“You’re doing this to him for me?!” They both laughed and nodded.<br /><br />“That’s why we need your help. It’ll be even better,” Patrick said. And somehow I found myself agreeing.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Patrick settled into a seat at the bar and Gabby sat down next to him. Normally after a game he was feeling pretty bummed out about not playing, but tonight nothing was going to be able to kill his mood. The rest of his teammates and their girls who had come out filled in around them. After some strategic maneuvering, he and Burs had managed to get Tazer next to Gabrielle.<br /><br />He and Burs managed to talk the whole table into only drinking hard liquor instead of beer, mostly offering to buy shots. It was all part of the plan. Things wouldn’t work if Tazer was drinking beer. He also managed to track down the cocktail waitress and tell her what they needed, slipping her an extra $200 on top of the tip at the end of the night to ensure it got done.<br /><br />Every once in a while he heard Gabrielle proudly order another rum and coke for her and Tazer. She was going drink for drink with him. Actually, the joke could have ended there. Tazer was acting like an idiot. Tazer couldn't back down from a challenge though, and he didn't want to be outdrunk by a girl.<br /><br />Due to what was going on, he and Burs were heavily relying on Gabrielle’s newfound ability to carry a conversation with anyone. So far she was doing fantastic. She’d spent most of the night talking to Jon even over himself. A few times he found himself marveling at the person she’d become in the last month.<br /><br />When they’d first met, he would have been lucky if she’d said two words to his teammates. Gabrielle had just been reserved by nature, not that he’d minded. Ever since she’d told him everything, and he hated saying this even though he couldn’t think of another phrase, she’d blossomed. The Gabrielle today was not the same Gabrielle he’d first met. She was better.<br /><br />He felt like he’d taken a lot of her pain away from her by listening and being there for her. He’d done something only Olivia, who he’d love to thank in person someday, had done. He hadn’t judged and had only wanted to help and appreciate. He’d felt for a while that he was quickly falling for Gabrielle, and to learn what she’d gone through in her life and to see how she’d turned out, he was only more proud and falling even more for her. Watching her interact now with his teammates only strengthened that feeling.<br /><br />“Jesus Christ, I’m shit-canned,” Tazer slurred at one point in the night. It was the moment he and Burs were waiting for.<br /><br />“Don’t worry, Tazer, we’ll get you home,” Burs told him, standing up from his position across from him. Patrick laughed as he watched Jon’s head bobbing and his eyes struggling to stay open.<br /><br />“Yeah…..home,” he mumbled. Gabby looked over at him and rolled her eyes, shaking her head. He got up, followed by her, and then Burs and he helped Tazer out of his seat.<br /><br />“Guess he had too much to drink,” he heard Gabrielle saying to the rest of the group. God, she was playing her part perfectly.<br /><br />Burs wrapped his arm around Jon’s shoulders and assisted him out of the club. Even though he hated to admit it, Patrick didn’t mind having his arm around Gabrielle’s shoulders. She’d never said a word about wanting to help him walk with his knee, but she knew he was in pain. He kind of liked that she discreetly pretended she just wanted to be snuggled up to him when she was really just trying to help him walk.<br /><br />They called out their goodbyes to the group, laughing at the jokes tossed in Tazer’s direction about how he couldn’t hold liquor. It was hard not to just lose it right then and there. They finally got him into the car. Gabrielle got into the driver’s seat since he couldn’t drive with his knee, Burs had had a few beers, and Tazer was obviously incapable of driving.<br /><br />Gabby’s “rum and coke’s” had actually just been coke’s the whole night. All of Jon’s besides the first one had been triples. They’d made sure to give him one normal mixed drink so he wouldn’t be suspicious. Burs sat in the back doing his best to keep Jon awake while Patrick gave Gabrielle the directions. They reached Tazer’s place, and by then he was passed out in the back.<br /><br />Tazer sort of woke up once they reached home, and Patrick and Burs left him with Gabrielle to entertain him. It was probably more likely the other way around. By the time they were done with their plan, Gabrielle was nearly in stitches with the ridiculous things Jon was saying to her.<br /><br />“Apparently he’s desperate for a girl to take out on moonlit walks and send flowers to,” Gabrielle announced when they finally walked into the living room they’d dumped them off in while they worked. Burs snorted out his laughter.<br /><br />“Oh God am I going to have to give it to him about that,” he responded.<br /><br />Patrick, Burs, and Gabrielle took a short nap with an alarm set to wake them up. Just at sunrise they dragged Tazer outside where everything was set up. Then they set up the camera and waited. Once the sun was up, with it being a weekday, one which school wasn’t in session, people were getting out and about to head to work.<br /><br />Everyone in the neighborhood stopped to stare at the spectacle in Tazer’s front yard. The three of them laughed as they filmed the expressions on everyone’s faces as they looked out at every piece of furniture from Tazer’s bedroom set up on the front lawn in exactly the same place and distance from each other as it had been inside, with Tazer sleeping in the bed in just his boxers, and no blankets.<br /><br />A few shook their heads in disgust. A few took pictures of the Hawk’s captain in just his boxers on his front lawn. Still more just honked their horns and laughed as they drove by. It didn’t take long for the commotion to wake Tazer up. They filmed him stirring, rubbing his eyes, and stepping down from his bed, only to pause in confusion when he felt grass instead of carpet. He woke up with a start, looked around at his surroundings before running to the front door only to find it locked.<br /><br />“That’s what you get for fucking with Gabrielle, you little prick!” Patrick called through the door.<br /><br />“Fuck you, Sharpie, let me in!” he yelled, trying to cover himself up. Patrick eventually opened the door to let him in, exposing him, Burs, and Gabby doubled over in laughter.<br /><br />“That was a real nice show you gave the neighbors,” Burs commented as Tazer glared at the three of them.<br /><br />“You too?” he asked Gabrielle in surprise.<br /><br />“What can I say? I side with this guy,” she replied jerking a thumb towards Patrick.<br /><br />“I fucking hate you all,” Tazer growled out. Patrick was really going to enjoy showing this video to the boys in the locker room tomorrow.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-84930914538766902562010-05-06T18:55:00.001-07:002010-05-06T18:55:54.772-07:00Ugh.....So sorry I haven't posted anything in forever. I am not done with this story, I'm just ridiculously busy. It's been very difficult in the last month to find time to write any chapters for any of my stories. Hopefully in the next two weeks I'll get a couple done at least. At the end of the month I'm heading to Mexico on a much needed vacation and there will absolutely be no time to write while I'm there, so I'm hoping to get some done before then. Thanks for everyone who's sticking around and waiting patiently!HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-67107222803108880712010-04-24T10:55:00.000-07:002010-04-24T11:04:01.782-07:00Chapter 23Patrick stared up at the ceiling in the middle of his second sleepless night in a row. This time though his anger wasn’t directed at Gabrielle, it was directed at her family. How could any parent or sibling treat someone the way they’d treated Gabrielle as a child? While she made some really bad choices in her life he couldn’t help but blame them for it.<br /><br />Looking back at the way she’d acted at Christmas with his family, things really started to make sense. He realized now that she’d been so nervous to go because her definition of family and his were completely different. No wonder she’d broken down into tears when his mother had accepted her. That whole trip was adding up now in his mind in a way it never could before.<br /><br />He felt her shift slightly next to him in bed, and he wrapped his arm tighter around her. He didn’t like the things Gabrielle had done in her past at all, but what kind of person would it make him if he just left because of things she’d done a decade ago? He’d be just like every other person that had been in Gabrielle’s life if he did, and he couldn’t even begin to think of doing that to her.<br /><br />He reflected back on the rest of the day after Gabrielle’s confession. After he’d finally convinced her that he wasn’t going to kick her out of his house, she’d managed to relax some. They’d sat back down and she continued to talk, to tell him about herself back then. He knew she probably just needed to get it all out, even if it wasn’t easy for her to tell or for him to hear.<br /><br />She told him that she wasn’t an alcoholic but she didn’t drink because of the memories. Cocaine had been what had put her into rehab, and more often than not, she’d drink when she did it. After leaving rehab she’d sworn off drinking because she was afraid that if she did all of those cravings would come rushing back. Then she told him about the night they’d gone out and she’d rushed out in a hurry and he’d found her shaking at home. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t figured it out then.<br /><br />She recounted all of the times she’d accomplished something without the support of her parents. He listened with anger at the neglect they’d shown her and the favoritism they’d shown her older sisters. Until she’d started getting into trouble, Gabrielle seemed to be a child any parent would be proud of. He made a silent vow to himself that very moment that when he had children he’d never let them feel like he wasn’t proud of them and he didn’t love them.<br /><br />His heart broke when she told him about the first time she’d cut herself. It had been on accident when she’d been drunk and fumbled a pair of scissors that had cut her arm. She told him how at first it had brought on tears and then that it had struck her that it was the first time she’d cried in as long as she could remember. A few days later, after another slight by her parents she’d been sitting in her bathroom wondering why she felt nothing by it. Then she’d spotted the scissors still sitting on the counter and remembered the tears. She picked up the scissors, hesitated for a moment, and then cut, just a small shallow line on her arm. The tears came again and it would take a long time for her to learn to stop.<br /><br />After she seemed to have gotten everything out, they agreed to go back to her place. She had to work in the morning so she couldn’t stay with him, but he didn’t feel right leaving her alone tonight. He’d packed an overnight bag, put Dudley in the car and followed her home. He ordered food for dinner that they’d both only picked at as they sat curled up together on the couch. They put on a show on TV that neither seemed to be paying much attention to. They were sitting quietly when Gabrielle said something he hadn’t seen coming.<br /><br />“Don’t ever fall in love with me,” she’d whispered. He’d pulled back from her in surprise, but she didn’t turn to look at him.<br /><br />“Pardon?” he’d asked. Without moving a muscle she responded.<br /><br />“Don’t ever fall in love with me,” she repeated. He forced her to turn her head and look at him. It was then that he saw the tears swimming in her eyes.<br /><br />“Why would you say that?” he questioned.<br /><br />“I’m not saying you are or you would, I’m just asking you not to.” She avoided directly answering his question, but he wasn’t going to let it go.<br /><br />“Why can’t I?” he pressed.<br /><br />“Because I don’t know that I’m ready or even capable to be able to ever love someone back.”<br /><br />He’d pressed a kiss on her forehead and pulled her back into him. He hadn’t said anything else to her then or the rest of the night about it, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it either. He wouldn’t tell her how sad it made him to hear that. He wouldn’t tell her that she deserved to find someone to love that would love her back. He wouldn’t tell her that he was already halfway there.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I sat down behind my desk at school and sighed. After the events of the last couple of days, I did not feel at all qualified to be doling out advice to anyone about anything right now. I could hardly figure out my own life so what right did I have to guide others in theirs? I felt like a hypocrite sitting here in this position.<br /><br />After catching up on what I’d missed the day before and rescheduling appointments I’d had, I prepared for the day. Today was a session with Gia, and I had to get my head together for it. While we hadn’t made a ton of progress, we’d made some, and I didn’t want to take any steps back because I couldn’t be all there for her.<br /><br />We’d had two sessions together since school had started back up from break and Gia had stayed at my house. She still wouldn’t say a word about anything that was bothering her, but at least now she’d talk some. Usually it was just about photography and some of the newest photos she’d taken. I didn’t mind, because with people like Gia, baby steps were necessary and important.<br /><br />When the bell rang I waited hopeful that she’d show up for her record third straight appointment in a row. A few moments later she walked through the door. Only this time, unlike the last two, she didn’t greet me with a smile. She just walked in, dropped her bag on the floor next to the chair, and flopped down in it.<br /><br />“Good morning, Gia. How are you?” I asked.<br /><br />“Fine,” she mumbled. I held back a sigh at the return of old Gia.<br /><br />“Okay. How’s school going?”<br /><br />“Fine.”<br /><br />“Any new photos this week?”<br /><br />“No.”<br /><br />At this point I realized that this was not going to be like the last two meetings at all. It was going to be like pulling teeth to get anything out of her and I took a moment to figure out a new approach. It was in that moment that Gia lifted an arm up to push a stray strand of hair behind her ear. I saw the edge of a bandage on her arm and felt sick. It was in that moment that I took a risk I’d always told myself I’d never do.<br /><br />“You know that whatever you say in here stays between us, right?” I asked. She just looked at me blankly and nodded. “Okay, then I’m going to ask you to do me the same courtesy. If I tell you something, will you be able to keep it in here?” Her curiousity was piqued.<br /><br />“Yeah,” was her response.<br /><br />I took a deep breath and pulled off the button up sweater I was wearing. I put it around the back of the chair and turned to look back at Gia who was looking on in confusion as I then rolled up the sleeves of my blouse. I glanced down at my arms before extending them out on my lap, palms up. Gia looked down at them and I heard her sharp intake of breath.<br /><br />“I was a teenager, your age actually, when I did this to myself,” I told her.<br /><br />“Why are you showing me this?” she asked quietly, not lifting her eyes from my arms.<br /><br />“Because I know what it’s like to need to feel. Just because I’m sitting here in this office talking to students about their concerns doesn’t mean I’m immune. I had the same problems and concerns that they do. Believe it or not, I wasn’t perfect.”<br /><br />Gia looked up at me and I saw a single tear fall down her face. I pulled back my arms and rolled the sleeves of my blouse back down as I let Gia contemplate what I’d just shown her. I put my sweater back on and then shifted my eyes to Gia’s arms. She pulled them against her in response.<br /><br />“You don’t need to do that, Gia,” I told her quietly.<br /><br />“Do what?” she asked, her voice shaking, as she tried to hold herself together.<br /><br />“I did it. For years. I know the signs, all the ways to try to hide it. I know, Gia.” Her arms fell to her lap in defeat.<br /><br />“It’s the only thing I can control,” she whispered.<br /><br />“What can’t you control?” I asked. She hesitated as a few more tears fell.<br /><br />“My parents. My boyfriend. My friends. School. Everything.”<br /><br />“Why don’t you pick one thing and tell me about it. Any one you want to talk about right now. It’s up to you. You can control what we talk about. Trust me, it’ll feel better just to get it out.”<br /><br />And so Gia did. She talked. She told me about her parents fighting. She told me they fought daily, sometimes all night. She told me that sometimes the fights were so bad they’d forget she was there. She told me she was taking care of herself because they weren't doing it. I listened as her appointment ran over its allotted time. I let her talk as long as she needed to.<br /><br />When she finished talking about her parents I gave her some time alone in my office to compose herself before giving her a late pass for her class. She walked to the door in the outer office and hesitated before turning back to me. I watched as a small smile formed on her face.<br /><br />“Thank you.” She turned and walked out before I had a chance to react at all. I began to smile as I watched her disappear from view down the hall. I turned back to head into my office when I spotted my secretary looking at me in surprise.<br /><br />“I’m sorry, was that Gia or a look-a-like?” Kristen asked. I just shrugged before walking into my office and shutting the door behind me.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-67105989574570966392010-03-25T09:24:00.000-07:002010-03-25T09:46:53.061-07:00Chapter 22Here it is, the big reveal. Thanks for sticking with me up until now. Sorry that there's so much dialogue from Gabrielle, but it was really the only way to get everything in, ya know?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Patrick was like a robot the next day at practice. He hadn’t been able to sleep at all that night. He just couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out why Gabrielle had lied to him. Why would she say she didn’t have any family if she did? Was there something wrong with them or something wrong with her?<br /><br />They were the only options he could think of. Either they’d done something unthinkable to her or she’d done something unthinkable to them. Neither of those seemed to make much sense to him though. Gabrielle was one of the most amazing people he’d ever met. How could a family be so awful to her or how could she be awful to them?<br /><br />“What’s going on, man?” Burish asked him after practice.<br /><br />“Nothing. I’m fine,” he responded. He wished that he could have actually been slightly convincing, because there was no way Burish was buying that.<br /><br />“You look like shit. Something’s wrong,” Burs pushed.<br /><br />“I didn’t sleep last night.” Not wanting to have this conversation in the middle of the locker room Patrick walked out of it and outside.<br /><br />“Aw, did you and Gabrielle get into your first little argument?” Burish teased. Patrick wasn’t in the mood.<br /><br />“There was nothing little about it. She lied to me. She’s been lying to me the whole fucking time,” he said through gritted teeth. Burish’s smirk faded when he realized that it wasn’t some stupid spat.<br /><br />“What about?”<br /><br />“Her family. The one I told you she didn’t have. Turns out she does. Her niece showed up last night.”<br /><br />“What did she say?”<br /><br />“Nothing. I didn’t give her the chance.” He sighed at the look Burish gave him. “Her niece came in tears. It wasn’t the time to start questioning her.”<br /><br />“Sometimes it sickens me how nice and understanding you are,” Burish cracked, causing a tiny smile to form on Patrick's lips. “When are you going to talk to her?” That was the million dollar question. He felt too riled up about it still to do it now. Not to mention Gabrielle was at work. He just needed some time to cool off.<br /><br />“I don’t know. I just need to figure things out.”<br /><br />Patrick made his way to his car and headed home. He let Dudley out the back door and tried unsuccessfully to just forget about Gabrielle for now. He was exhausted and needed sleep. The problem was that he knew sleep wasn’t going to come while his brain was working overtime to make sense of the lie she’d told about not having any family.<br /><br />Dudley came back inside and Patrick went straight into his bedroom and lay down. Maybe if he stayed there long enough he’d eventually fall asleep. As he stared up at the ceiling he realized that he was so worked up because he’d fallen for Gabrielle. Hard. The doorbell rang just as that hit him and he considered staying in bed. It rang again and with a groan he got up to answer the door.<br /><br />He checked who was there before opening it. He wasn’t sure he should open the door to her, but he did anyway. Gabrielle stood on the other side of his door in the middle of a school day looking worse than he did. Her eyes shifted from the ground to his face and tears immediately welled up in her eyes. He fought the urge to just pull her into him and wrap his arms around her.<br /><br />“Hi,” he said quietly. She bit her lip before responding.<br /><br />“I’m not sure I deserve it, but I was hoping we could talk. I realize that you’re more than angry at me right now and that once you hear why it’s only going to get worse. I just felt like you deserved the truth. I was hoping you’d at least let me explain things so you’d understand.” Curiosity got the best of him and he stepped back, allowing Gabrielle to walk into his house.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />It was a painstaking wait for the hours to go by until Patrick would be home from practice. I had to explain to him, let him know why I’d kept my family a secret. He deserved the truth. He always had, but I’d selfishly kept it under wraps foolishly thinking that maybe I’d never have to tell him.<br /><br />Now I was here, in his house, sitting on his couch. He didn’t look pleased or even ready to have me there with him, but I had to get this out now. I just wanted to rip the bandage off and let the pain come. The quicker the pain came the quicker I could start trying to get over the loss of him in my life.<br /><br />He surprised me by sitting down next to me on the couch instead of on the chair across from me. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved that he didn’t hate me enough so far to want to be as far from me as possible or be worried because having him that close made it that much harder to tell him. We sat there in silence for a while as I struggled to think of how to start.<br /><br />“Have you ever died?” I asked him. He looked at me strangely. I knew that probably didn’t make much sense, but I waited for an answer anyway.<br /><br />“No,” he finally said, his brow furrowed.<br /><br />“I have. Twice. Only I just recently found out about the second time. The first time I was 17 and I was dead for two minutes before they revived me. The second time was just two weeks later. My parents kicked me out of the house and I found out last night they put an obituary in the paper saying I’d been in a car accident and had died from the injuries.”<br /><br />Patrick looked utterly confused and stunned at the same time. I didn’t blame him. I hadn’t exactly started this off slowly or with an explanation. Instead I’d only added more mystery to my past. I took a deep breath before starting at the beginning.<br /><br />“After my parents had Rachel and Bailey they decided that two children was enough. Unfortunately 10 years later I was born. I was unexpected, a mistake, and unwanted. They never missed an opportunity to tell me that. Even as a child in elementary school I knew they’d never wanted me and they weren’t happy I was around.”<br /><br />A sob escaped my throat after saying that and I took a minute to compose myself before continuing. I noticed a change in Patrick’s demeanor. He looked a little less angry, but I knew that was going to change very soon. Once he heard the rest he’d never look at me with any other emotion in his eyes.<br /><br />“I spent years trying to gain their love. I wanted them to be as proud of me as they were of Rachel and Bailey. I did everything my sisters did. They did well in school so I studied hard to be just as smart. They played soccer and so did I. They were in chorus and played the violin, so I did too. Those were the things that made my parents proud of them and I thought that if I did the same things too they’d be proud of me like they were of them. I did everything my sisters did, and I did them all better. It didn’t matter. My sisters only saw me as a tag-along burden because of the age difference and my parents saw me as an inconvenience.”<br /><br />As I talked I began to have flashbacks. I remembered my teachers wanting to put me into accelerated classes in elementary school because the regular classroom pace was too slow for me. I remembered my parents declining even though they’d done it for my sisters. I remembered scoring the game winning goal in the championship of a soccer game without my parents or sisters in attendance. I remembered looking out at the crowd after a solo only given to the best violinist in orchestra during a concert and seeing the two empty seats that had been designated for my parents.<br /><br />“I decided as I got older that being like my sisters wasn’t going to get me attention so I turned to getting into trouble. I thought that if I got into trouble my parents would be forced to pay attention to me and then they could see that I really just needed them to care. I argued, I back talked, I did everything to upset my sisters and parents. By 11 I’d smoked my first cigarette. At 12 I had my first drink. By 13 I’d gotten high for the first time. When I was 14 I started skipping school. 15 was when I lost my virginity. At 16 I’d tried cocaine, speed, and ecstasy. At 17…..well, 17 was a real banner year for me.”<br /><br />Tears were streaming down my face at this point. I paused to collect myself again before continuing and looked at the expression on Patrick’s face. I couldn’t read it. I had no idea if he was pitying me or thinking I was the most despicable person on the planet.<br /><br />“My parents never cared. They were only embarrassed. You see, my dad wanted to be a Senator of Missouri with hopes of maybe someday being president. I’m from St. Louis, by the way. My antics were meant to make them care, but they only turned on me more. They told me I cost my father the election. Voters didn’t want a man running their state that couldn’t even control his child. My sisters hated me. That's when it turned from needing attention to being vindictive. Everything I did was aimed at hurting my family, with nothing but revenge fueling it. By 16 it had gone too far and I was too lost to stop.”<br /><br />Patrick reached out then and covered my hand with his. I let my head fall in embarrassment. I didn’t want to look at him when I told him the next part. I pulled up my shirt sleeves to show off the scars on my forearms.<br /><br />“I lied to you about these. They weren’t from an accident. I was depressed and I felt numb all the time. I used to cut myself. At least then, at that moment when I watched blood drip down my arm from the newest slice I’d made I felt something. It was the only time I ever felt anything.”<br /><br />“Jesus, Gabrielle,” Patrick whispered, seemingly overwhelmed by my confession.<br /><br />“I OD’d when I was 17. That’s when I died. After that my parents decided that they’d had enough. They never tried to help me, only saw me as a burden. They gave me my inheritance early and told me to leave. My high school counselor, Olivia, took me in. She was the only person in my life that gave a damn. She sent me to rehab. There’s a day in rehab when family comes in for a therapy session. None of my family showed up.<br /><br />Olivia home schooled me and I went to community college after getting out of rehab. After graduating from there I moved here to Chicago and went to school to get my degree in psychology. Then I got my PhD. I wanted to help kids the way Olivia helped me. Olivia said she told my family about all of my accomplishments, but they never responded. They’d cut me out of their lives for good when I wanted nothing more than for them to see that I was different. Then I found out from Kaylen last night that they killed me.<br /><br />So that’s my past, my story. I had a family that thought I was a burden and instead of proving them wrong I showed them they were right. I hurt and embarrassed them along with myself. I’m a terrible person that doesn’t deserve someone like you. I’m sorry for lying to you and stringing you along. You didn’t deserve it. I just wanted you to know why I lied. I’m so sorry again for what I did.”<br /><br />I took a deep breath and stood up from my spot on the couch. Now that Patrick knew the truth I knew that our relationship was over. Who in their right mind wants to date an ex-drug addict with abandonment issues? No one sane, that’s for sure. I turned my back on him and began the walk to the door.<br /><br />“Where are you going?” I heard him ask.<br /><br />“I’m leaving,” I responded, glancing over my shoulder.<br /><br />“Why?” It was a simple question, but I couldn’t comprehend it. It just didn’t make any sense to me.<br /><br />“I…..I don’t…..I have to go,” I stuttered. I turned away again and reached for the door handle. Somehow in that short time Patrick had gotten up and across the room to reach me. I felt his hand on my arm and turned back.<br /><br />“You’re not that person anymore, Gabrielle,” he whispered.<br /><br />“Yes, I am. I’m always that person. Every day I’m that person and every day for the rest of my life I’ll be that person.” He looked into my eyes and forced me to look into his by placing his hand under my chin.<br /><br />“No, you’re not. That Gabrielle was combative, vengeful, and didn’t care about anyone including herself. The Gabrielle I know is sweet, intelligent, and bends over backwards to help anyone and everyone she possibly can. The two can’t be more different. You’re not her anymore, Gabby, why can’t you see that?”<br /><br />I took in his words in shock and surprise. Why wasn’t he angry with me? Why wasn’t he asking me to leave? There was no anger in his eyes, no disgust. I only saw sadness in them and new tears filled mine.<br /><br />“You don’t deserve to take on my baggage, my trauma. I came out of it scarred literally and figuratively. I’m not okay. I don’t know that I’ll ever be okay,” I told him.<br /><br />“I can’t even begin to imagine what your life must have been like in the past, but that’s exactly what it is. It’s a past. I’m sorry, so sorry about everything you went through, but I refuse to believe that you’ll never be okay. Of course you’re going to be scarred. No one would come out of that unscathed. The scars don’t make you, Gabrielle, how you deal with them does. You’re stronger than you think you are. You have to be if you beat all of that to become who you are now.”<br /><br />“How are you like this? Why don’t you see me like everyone else that knows all that does?”<br /><br />“I don’t give up on people I care about. I told you once I wanted to save you. I don’t go back on my word. I’m here, Gabby, and I’m not going anywhere.”<br /><br />He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. I fell into his arms and let the tears come. No one had ever said things like that to me before. No one had ever cared enough to even give me a chance, let alone a second one. He pulled back a little and looked down at me. My heart nearly exploded when his lips touched mine. If he could forgive me, maybe now I’d be able to forgive myself.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-66372428823544337232010-03-09T09:30:00.000-08:002010-03-09T09:39:36.213-08:00Chapter 21I felt my stomach churning as I told Rachel who was on the phone. I heard her sharp intake of breath and she was quiet. I waited for what felt like forever for her to say something. I half expected something scathing and half expected her to hang up on me. I wasn’t let down.<br /><br />“What the hell do you want?” came her angry reply. I bit my tongue at the sarcastic response I wanted to shoot back at her. That was the old Gabrielle.<br /><br />“I’m sorry to call and bother you, but Kaylen’s here,” I told her. There was another silent pause.<br /><br />“I’m trying to figure out why you’d be calling to lie to me after all these years, and yet I’m coming up with nothing but a blank. Kaylen’s at her friend’s house.” I sighed and glanced over at the teenager sitting in the other room.<br /><br />“No, Rachel, she’s sitting right here in my living room,” I corrected her.<br /><br />“That’s impossible. She has no idea where you are. I have no idea where you are.”<br /><br />“Well, she found out somehow. It’s Chicago, by the way. Kaylen left school early and caught a bus here.” I could hear Rachel try to muffle the phone and instruct someone to call Kaylen’s friend.<br /><br />“This just doesn’t make any sense. Why would Kaylen search you out and then at 14 find a bus to Chicago to go see you?” There was a short pause and then Rachel started talking again. “Have you been in contact with her? Have you been talking to my daughter behind my back?”<br /><br />“No, I haven’t. I…..” Rachel wasn’t done.<br /><br />“Who do you think you are trying to barge back into our lives after everything you put us through? I thought we made it clear that we wanted nothing to do with you.”<br /><br />“I didn’t…..”<br /><br />“And now you go behind my back and start talking to my daughter, an impressionable teenager? How dare you!”<br /><br />“Rachel!” I yelled into the phone, successfully shutting her up for a moment. “She heard you and Lance fighting. She overheard you saying you just wish you hadn’t had her.”<br /><br />“I never said…..oh, God. That’s not what I said, not what I meant. Did she run away?” she asked, realization striking her.<br /><br />“She did, but she came here. She’s safe, Rachel.” I heard her laugh when I said that and cringed.<br /><br />“I doubt anyone’s safe around you. Give me your address. I’ll be there in five hours.” It was late and it was going to be a long drive from St. Louis, but I didn’t argue with her. I knew better. “If you said anything to her…..” Rachel warned before hanging up the phone.<br /><br />I sighed and fought back the tears that were trying to force themselves out from under my eyelids. I deserved it, everything she said. I just wanted her and the rest of my family to know. I wanted them to know I was different now even if they couldn't forgive me. Even so, there was also a small part of me that wanted to blame them and shove what I’d become in their faces. I composed myself before walking back into the living room and sitting down next to Kaylen.<br /><br />“Your mom is on her way. I think she’s driving so she’ll be here in about five hours. You can go into the other room and get some sleep if you want. I’ll make up the bed,” I offered. Kaylen nodded but didn’t move from her position on the couch. She was staring at an invisible spot on the floor.<br /><br />“Why did everyone tell us you were dead?” she asked after a moment. My eyes widened in surprise and I felt like my heart stopped. They’d what?<br /><br />“I’m sorry, what did you say?” She glanced up at me and took in the shocked expression on my face.<br /><br />“You didn’t know,” she whispered. I could feel the tears building again. I wasn’t sure if they were because of anger, pain, sadness, or a combo.<br /><br />“What did they tell you?” I asked quietly. She thought for a moment before responding.<br /><br />“One day you were just gone. They took down all the pictures of you and locked up your bedroom. Mom and Dad told me that you’d been in a car accident. They told everyone that. I saw the obituary in the newspaper when I was older.”<br /><br />This new revelation stunned and hurt me. My family hadn’t just cut me out of their lives, they’d killed me. My family was capable of almost anything, but even that seemed low. Wasn’t I still their daughter, their sister? Didn’t that count for anything? They never even gave me a chance.<br /><br />“How did you find out I wasn’t?” I asked Kaylen after a while. She shrugged.<br /><br />“The story seemed a little off to me. I’ve heard the whispered stories about you. That you got into a lot of trouble. Then you were in a car accident? I’m good with computers and looked up the obituary. I didn’t think there would be one, but there was. Only there was no story about a car accident. You’d think the death of one of the daughters of Ogden and Ramona Tunney would be big news. I started searching for you and eventually found you,” she explained.<br /><br />I nodded and wanted to ask her more. I wanted to know what she’d heard because I had to know what else my family had lied about when it came to me. Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to ask. Instead I no longer tried to stop the tears, choosing to let them come. Kaylen slid over on the couch and put her arms around my shoulders.<br /><br />“It’s why I came to you. I knew you’d understand what I was feeling because they did it to you,” she whispered.<br /><br />I felt sick at her words. I couldn’t be sure that she was right, but I knew my family. She was probably right, and she didn’t deserve that. The Tunney’s wanted perfect little cookie cutter children. Anyone that dared to be different was shunned. I wanted to keep Kaylen here with me. I wanted to slam the door in Rachel’s face when she knocked on my door, but I knew I couldn’t. There was nothing I could do.<br /><br />“Kaylen, listen to me. I’m not a good role model, for anyone. I did a lot of things wrong and screwed up more times than I can count. That’s not all their fault. I chose to do it. They were bad choices, but ultimately they were mine. Don’t look up to me. Don’t do what I did. Whatever they’ve said, whatever you’ve heard about me, at least part of it is true.”<br /><br />“But not anymore. You have a great apartment with a dog and a boyfriend. I know that you’re a counselor and that you help kids. Your life isn’t so bad,” she argued. I looked at her sadly and shook my head.<br /><br />“I’m lonely. Hardly a day in the last 10 years has gone by that I didn’t hate what I’d done and become. I lost them because of those choices. Until I met Patrick my life was lonely. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.” Kaylen took in my words and nodded. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote my phone number on it, without my name. “This is my number. You can call me anytime you need to.” She took it and folded it into a small square before tucking it into her pocket.<br /><br />Kaylen fell asleep in the studio on the futon a little while later and I stayed awake waiting for the knock on the door that I was dreading. As I waited I called into work for the next day. There was no way I was going to be able to go into school tomorrow. I was too emotionally wrecked and exhausted to be of any use to a student.<br /><br />My phone rang a while later indicating that someone was downstairs wanting to be buzzed up. It was Rachel and I did just that. Then I went in and woke up Kaylen. She was just coming out of the studio when the knock sounded on the door. Kaylen grabbed her bag as I went over to the door and pulled it open. Rachel stood there, arms crossed, with a look that could kill aimed right at me.<br /><br />“Where is she?” she demanded. I took a step back and allowed her to come in.<br /><br />“I’m right here, Mom,” Kaylen said. Rachel rushed over and hugged her.<br /><br />“I’m so sorry, sweetie. I’m so sorry. You know we didn’t mean that, right? We love you.”<br /><br />Anyone who walked in and saw this scene would have found it sweet and heartbreaking to see a mother who loved her daughter so upset over saying something that caused her to run away. I, however, saw a mother who was only sorry that she’d have to explain this situation to her family. They separated and headed for the door. Kaylen hugged me on the way by.<br /><br />“Thank you, Aunt Gabrielle,” she whispered. I smiled at her and watched her walk out the door. Rachel paused on her way out to look back at me.<br /><br />“I have to admit I was surprised that you lived someplace as nice as this.” I clenched my jaw at the comment and refused to take the bait. “I don’t expect to be hearing from you again.” With that, she turned her back on me and closed the door behind her.<br /><br />I stood there staring at the door long after their footsteps had faded away. I’d expected to be sad and depressed upon seeing the sister I’d let down so many years ago. Instead I only felt anger. How dare they? All of them.<br /><br />The information Kaylen had given me opened the floodgates. Suddenly I wasn’t beating myself up for what I’d done back then. Now I was blaming them. I would never have been like that if they hadn’t been the way they were. They’d killed me when I left 10 years ago? No. They were dead to me now.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-59028819396749871722010-02-23T09:03:00.000-08:002010-02-23T09:11:31.908-08:00Chapter 20“We’ve got a little bit of time to kill until it’s done simmering,” I told Patrick after adding the last of the ingredients to the Chicken Cacciatore I was making.<br /><br />“I can think of something,” he said, wrapping his arms around my waist. I giggled, actually giggled.<br /><br />“We don’t have that much time,” I declined.<br /><br />“I can be quick,” he whispered, placing a kiss on my lips.<br /><br />I was about to respond when there was a knock on the door. Patrick groaned as I pulled myself away from him. I figured it had to be a neighbor because I hadn’t buzzed anyone up. I realized I was wrong when I got to the door and opened it. I saw a teenage girl standing there who looked vaguely familiar.<br /><br />“Are you Gabrielle Tunney?” she asked timidly. I noticed she had a gym bag with her on the floor.<br /><br />“Yes, I am,” I told her cautiously. She looked relieved and nervous at the same time at my response.<br /><br />“It’s Kaylen, Rachel’s daughter.” My eyes widened in shock and my breath caught in my throat. That was why she had looked familiar. It had been almost 10 years since I’d seen her, but she looked just like her mother.<br /><br />“Kaylen, what are you doing here?” At my question she burst into tears and rushed into my arms. Not knowing what else to do, I pulled her into me and held her for a moment. “Okay, calm down. Why don’t you come in and we’ll talk?”<br /><br />“Okay.” She sniffed before walking into my apartment. I walked over and grabbed her bag off the floor, a sinking feeling forming in my stomach. Had she run away? And why had she come to me?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Patrick waited in the kitchen for Gabrielle to get back. When she didn’t come back right away he started to wonder what was going on. Just as he was about to go see if she needed any help he saw a teenage girl walk around the corner. She jumped when she saw him, obviously not expecting him to be there. He noticed that she looked like she’d been crying.<br /><br />“Oh, I’m sorry. She didn’t tell me anyone was here,” the girl apologized shyly. He smiled at her, not wanting to make her feel unwanted.<br /><br />“That’s okay. We were just about to have dinner. Do you want to sit down and have some? There’s plenty,” he offered. She nodded and sat down at the table while he got up and grabbed another plate and set of silverware. Then he grabbed the Cacciatore off the stove and brought it over to the table. “Are you one of Gabrielle’s students?” he asked when he got back over to the table.<br /><br />“No. She’s my aunt,” the girl told him. He looked at her in shock. Gabrielle’s niece? That couldn’t be. She’d told him she didn’t have any family.<br /><br />“Oh, I didn’t realize. I’m Patrick,” he introduced himself, fighting the urge to question her.<br /><br />“I’m Kaylen.” He placed the Cacciatore down on the table in front of her just as Gabrielle walked in. He looked up at her and gave her a questioning look. Gabrielle looked shocked herself.<br /><br />“I’m going to go and let you and your niece catch up,” he told her, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. Gabrielle’s face fell at his statement and anger built up in him. So she had lied to him about not having any family. He grabbed his jacket off of one of the bar stools and headed right for the door.<br /><br />“Patrick, wait!” he heard her call after him once he was in the hallway. He spun around on her.<br /><br />“I thought you didn’t have any family,” he spat at her. He was both hurt and angry at the lie. Why would she have lied to him about that?<br /><br />“I don’t,” she responded quietly.<br /><br />“Is that or is that not your niece?” he asked pointing at her apartment, his voice raising a decibel. He saw tears well up in her eyes.<br /><br />“You don’t understand,” she started.<br /><br />“Cut the shit, Gabrielle. That’s not a hard question to answer. Yes or no?” He was losing patience with her.<br /><br />“Yes,” she whispered so quietly he almost didn’t hear her. The anger surged through him at the answer. Instead of saying anything he might regret he turned and made his way to the elevator. “Patrick, please.”<br /><br />“I need time,” he said through gritted teeth. The elevator opened in front of him and he got in without looking back at her.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I watched Patrick get on the elevator as tears fell down my cheeks. I wanted to chase after him, to explain, but I couldn’t. Right now Kaylen was in my apartment and something had obviously really upset her. Upset her enough to search me out and come to me. I wiped the tears away and shook Patrick out of my mind before walking back in.<br /><br />“Did he leave because of me?” Kaylen asked.<br /><br />“No, honey, he left because he wanted to give us time to talk. Why don’t you start by telling me what you’re doing here?” She looked down at her hands in her lap and stayed silent. After a few moments I knew she wasn’t going to tell me right then. “Okay, well, why don’t we eat first? Are you hungry?”<br /><br />She nodded and I sat down at the table across from her. I handed her the serving utensils and she took some food. I did the same when she was done and we began to eat. Neither of us said anything while we did. It wasn’t until we were both done and I’d picked up the dishes that I turned back to her.<br /><br />“Okay, Kaylen, you need to tell me what’s going on,” I told her firmly. I saw tears building up in her eyes again, but she still didn’t answer me. Then something hit me that I probably should have thought of before. “Do your parents know you’re here?”<br /><br />“No,” she croaked out. I covered my face with my hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.” I sat up and looked at Kaylen.<br /><br />“It’s okay, really. I just need to call your mother.” Boy did I not look forward to making that phone call.<br /><br />“No!” she yelled out quickly. I turned back to her.<br /><br />“Then you need to tell me what’s going on.”<br /><br />“They didn’t want me,” she mumbled.<br /><br />“Who didn’t?” I prodded.<br /><br />“Mom and Dad. They don’t want me.” My heart broke for her when I heard that. I knew that feeling all too well.<br /><br />“That’s not true, honey. They love you.” She shook her head adamantly.<br /><br />“I heard them talking. They were fighting. They were saying that I was too much trouble and blaming each other for how I’d turned out.”<br /><br />My heart broke for her. I highly doubted that my sister and her husband didn’t want or love Kaylen, but I also knew how hurtful hearing things like that could be. I let her talk, get everything out of her system before interjecting and giving her any advice or an opinion. I didn’t want to push her away and cause her to run out, because if she’d come to me, then she really wouldn’t have anywhere to go after.<br /><br />She got everything she’d been holding inside of her out, telling me that nothing she did was good enough, they didn’t understand her, they didn’t support any decision she made. To be honest it was fairly typical problems a 14 year old might have with their parents. There was just one difference. That difference was Rachel and her husband Lance.<br /><br />Rachel was the oldest of my two sisters and 12 years older than me. There was a big age difference between both Rachel and Bailey and I, but Rachel and I had always been the most distant. To Rachel, if it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t okay. At least she’d been like that when I was growing up. I doubted that in the almost 10 years I’d been away from home that she’d changed much.<br /><br />I talked to Kaylen for a while trying to reassure her that Rachel and Lance did in fact love her, and that there would always be fights. That didn’t mean that any of it was Kaylen’s fault. I eventually got her calmed down enough to get her parents’ phone number out of her. I picked up the phone and prepared myself for a phone call I didn’t want to make. I hadn’t spoken to Rachel since I’d left home and I really didn’t know what to expect when I called and told her that her daughter was currently with me. I took a deep breath and dialed.<br /><br />“Hello?” a female voice answered.<br /><br />“Rachel?” I asked.<br /><br />“Yes,” she responded cautiously. I doubt many people called her and addressed her like that.<br /><br />“Hi, it’s Gabrielle.”HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490266143980828509.post-11967476826440997442010-02-18T09:45:00.000-08:002010-02-18T09:53:23.653-08:00Chapter 19The ringing sound of a phone broke me out of a deep sleep. It took me a moment to realize what was making the sound and I felt Patrick shift next to me, the ringing waking him up as well. I blindly reached out for my phone in the dark as I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It read 2:53 am. Who the hell would be calling me right now?<br /><br />“Hello?” I half mumbled, half growled into the phone. I felt Patrick’s arm snake around my stomach and pull me back into him. I felt him nuzzle into my neck and smiled at the touch.<br /><br />“Gabrielle? It’s Officer Monahan.” I squeezed my eyes closed and fought back the annoyance. I was going to kill Nathan. Right before the Winter Classic too. He should know better. “I have a girl down here by the name of Gia Henderson.” Wait, what?<br /><br />“Gia’s there?” I bolted upright out of Patrick’s grip.<br /><br />“Yeah. She’s really upset and refuses to talk to anyone except for you.” I was already out of bed and searching for my clothes.<br /><br />“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I hung up the phone without waiting for a response.<br /><br />“What’s going on?” Patrick asked, sitting up in bed.<br /><br />“I have to go. One of my student’s is in trouble. Can I leave Loxley here until I can get back?” I was dressed even before the question was asked.<br /><br />“Yeah, sure.” Patrick said something else, but I was already bolting out the door.<br /><br />It was very unlike Gia to get into any trouble. She’d only been coming to me because she’d skipped some school, her grades had dropped, and she seemed depressed. There had been no sign that she was going to get into trouble with the police. I had no idea what to expect when I arrived at the police station nor did I know why she would only talk to me.<br /><br />I pulled up in front of the station in record time and ran inside. I told the officer in the front that I needed to speak to Officer Monahan immediately and waited impatiently to see Quentin walk around the corner. When he did I looked at him expectantly and saw the grim look on his face.<br /><br />“What’s going on?” I asked as he led me back towards the interrogation rooms.<br /><br />“One of our officers found Gia walking alone down the street in torn clothes and crying. When they stopped to check on her she became hysterical, so they brought her in. The only thing she’ll say is that she needs to talk to you,” he explained.<br /><br />I looked through the two-way mirror at Gia who was seated at a table. There was a bottle of water untouched in front of her. She lifted her head to look around the room and I could see her red-rimmed eyes along with what looked to be a forming bruise on her cheek. I heard Quentin curse when he saw it too. I made my way to the door and walked in. Gia began to cry again when she saw me. I rushed over to her and pulled her into a hug, allowing her time to cry.<br /><br />“Gia, what happened?” I asked her when she’d calmed down a bit.<br /><br />“I thought he was my friend,” she started quietly. She stopped just after speaking those words, turning her head away from me. I felt sick, knowing exactly what she was trying to tell me.<br /><br />“Who, Gia?” I pushed, hoping for an answer. A sob was the only response she gave me. “Okay, it’s okay. We should get you to a hospital and make sure you’re alright.” She nodded and I helped her up and out of the chair.<br /><br />Gia and I left the police station and I drove her to the hospital, my heart aching the whole time. A doctor came and checked Gia out, confirming that she was okay. While we waited she opened up to me a little more and I convinced her to have a rape kit done. A few hours later after talking to the police, we were able to leave.<br /><br />“Let’s get you home,” I said as I led her out of the hospital and over to my car.<br /><br />“No!” she exclaimed. I turned to her in surprise at the vehemence in her voice. She looked away quickly, seemingly embarrassed by her outburst. “My parents are out of town for a couple of days. I don’t want to be alone.”<br /><br />So instead of driving Gia back to her place, I brought her to mine. The sun had risen by the time we got to my apartment, and Gia and I were both exhausted. I gave her some clothes to change into and cleaned up my studio and made the futon up like a bed while she changed. Gia was asleep within minutes of lying down, but I was wide awake, unwelcome thoughts running through my mind.<br /><br />Gia slept through the morning while I made a phone call to Isaiah who had a phone number for Gia’s parents. Then I called her parents, and received their permission to let her stay with me until they got home, saying only that being alone was making her nervous. A little while later, my phone rang.<br /><br />“Hey, I’m downstairs with Loxley,” Patrick told me. I cringed, not really sure about having him in my apartment in case Gia woke up. I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.<br /><br />“Okay, come on up.” A few minutes later, Patrick was walking through the door, Loxley in tow.<br /><br />“Everything okay from last night?” he asked. I shook my head and put a finger to my lips to indicate that he should be quiet.<br /><br />“It couldn’t be much worse. Gia’s here right now. She’s going to be here until just after New Years.” To his credit, he looked concerned, but nodded.<br /><br />“Okay. I’ll just go then. I’ll call you later?” I was about to respond when a voice spoke up from behind me.<br /><br />“Ms. Tunney?” I turned to see Gia walking from around the corner. She stopped when she saw Patrick standing in front of me. I noticed that she had changed back into her own clothes.<br /><br />“Hey, can I get you something?” I asked her. She shook her head, but didn’t respond, instead keeping her eyes on Patrick. “I talked to your parents. I told them you were nervous about being home alone, and they agreed to let you stay here until they got home.” She nodded, but didn’t respond.<br /><br />“Hi, I’m Patrick. I was watching Gabrielle’s dog for her last night and just stopped by to drop Loxley off,” he said pointing towards Lox, who was watching Gia cautiously. Gia turned her attention to Loxley and I saw a small smile form.<br /><br />“I didn’t know you had a dog,” she said to me, her eyes still on Lox.<br /><br />“Yeah, that’s Loxley. He’s really friendly, I promise,” I assured her. She knelt down and held her hand out for him. Loxley walked over, sniffed her for a moment and then let her pet him.<br /><br />“I love dogs. I wish my parents would let me have one,” she said as she scratched his belly.<br /><br />“You know, Gia, I’m going to be busy until New Years Day and won’t have much time to spend with my dog. If it’s okay with Gabrielle, how would you feel about watching my dog Dudley for me for the next couple of days?” Patrick offered. She looked up with a grin on her face as I turned to Patrick in surprise.<br /><br />“Sure, it’s okay with me if she’s willing,” I said, trying to hold in my own smile. It was uncanny how well Patrick could read people and situations. The guy was a saint.<br /><br />“I’d love to!” she exclaimed.<br /><br />“Great. I have to get going, but I’ll be back later with Dudley. I’ll bring some dinner and let you know everything he likes and doesn’t like.” She nodded and turned her attention back to Loxley, who was eating up all the attention he was getting. I turned to Patrick and smiled gratefully at him.<br /><br />“I guess I’ll see you tonight,” I told him.<br /><br />“Let me know what she wants to eat and I’ll get it. Does 6 sound okay?” I nodded and he smiled at me before turning and walking out the door.<br /><br />During dinner that night Gia talked more than I’d ever heard her talk before. I’d brought her home to grab some of her stuff and she’d been taking pictures of the dogs all day. When Patrick had come over she’d spent a long time showing them to him and he good naturedly let her. Was there anything wrong with this guy at all, because right now he was a saint.<br /><br />The topic of the Winter Classic came up and despite not being into sports, Gia seemed fascinated by the idea of it. Patrick promised to get an extra ticket since I was already taking Nathan. Gia agreed, eager for the opportunity to take photos at such a major event. To be honest, I hadn’t seen Gia this happy in a long time, and especially after something so traumatic. Patrick was truly a godsend.<br /><br />Patrick came over and I cooked dinner on New Years Eve. He stayed long enough to see midnight before heading home to get some sleep before the big game. The next day Gia and I left to pick Nathan up at the school. The three of us then headed off to the game. Gia and Nathan had known each other, but weren’t friends. That didn’t matter as we got to Wrigley Field. Just the excitement of the game had them both chattering away.<br /><br />Despite the fact that the Hawks lost, the three of us still had a great time. Gia had her camera out almost the entire game taking pictures of the game, the stadium, and the crowd. By the end of the game I think almost everyone in there had posed for her at one point or another. Nathan had just been excited to be able to attend the Winter Classic for his favorite team, an opportunity he wouldn’t have had just a few months before.<br /><br />When the game was over we all waited for Patrick and talked with the rest of the families of the guys that had gone to the game. Due to the atmosphere of the whole experience, no one seemed upset, and conversation was easy. When Patrick finally came out after all the interviews he’d had he took the three of us out for dinner.<br /><br />Gia’s parents came the next day to pick her up and she’d given me a hug before she walked out the door. I didn’t know what things would be like with her once school started back up, or if she would open up to me anymore, but I hoped that these past few days would help. As much as I wished I could say that I’d been able to get through to her a bit, I knew it was all because of Patrick, which I made sure to tell him that night.<br /><br />“I really need to thank you for what you did not just for Gia, but for Nathan,” I told him.<br /><br />“I haven’t done anything,” he denied. I looked straight into his eyes.<br /><br />“Yes, you have. You have no idea what those two kids have gone through. I could have only gotten so far with them in this amount of time. If it wasn’t for you and the things you’ve done, they may not be how they are now. Nathan is going to school and getting his grades up ever since you agreed to let us come to games and being able to make Gia smile after what she went through the other night is more invaluable than you’ll ever know. Thank you.”<br /><br />I didn’t say it, and I’m not sure I ever would, but helping them was really helping me. He didn’t know it, but Gia and Nathan were more like me than he could ever guess. I wasn’t ready to come out and tell him what had happened in my life yet, but seeing how he handled them gave me hope. It gave me hope that when I was ready for him to really see me that he may not run the other way.HckyGrl87http://www.blogger.com/profile/16470965030119826957noreply@blogger.com2