Chapter 20

“We’ve got a little bit of time to kill until it’s done simmering,” I told Patrick after adding the last of the ingredients to the Chicken Cacciatore I was making.

“I can think of something,” he said, wrapping his arms around my waist. I giggled, actually giggled.

“We don’t have that much time,” I declined.

“I can be quick,” he whispered, placing a kiss on my lips.

I was about to respond when there was a knock on the door. Patrick groaned as I pulled myself away from him. I figured it had to be a neighbor because I hadn’t buzzed anyone up. I realized I was wrong when I got to the door and opened it. I saw a teenage girl standing there who looked vaguely familiar.

“Are you Gabrielle Tunney?” she asked timidly. I noticed she had a gym bag with her on the floor.

“Yes, I am,” I told her cautiously. She looked relieved and nervous at the same time at my response.

“It’s Kaylen, Rachel’s daughter.” My eyes widened in shock and my breath caught in my throat. That was why she had looked familiar. It had been almost 10 years since I’d seen her, but she looked just like her mother.

“Kaylen, what are you doing here?” At my question she burst into tears and rushed into my arms. Not knowing what else to do, I pulled her into me and held her for a moment. “Okay, calm down. Why don’t you come in and we’ll talk?”

“Okay.” She sniffed before walking into my apartment. I walked over and grabbed her bag off the floor, a sinking feeling forming in my stomach. Had she run away? And why had she come to me?










Patrick waited in the kitchen for Gabrielle to get back. When she didn’t come back right away he started to wonder what was going on. Just as he was about to go see if she needed any help he saw a teenage girl walk around the corner. She jumped when she saw him, obviously not expecting him to be there. He noticed that she looked like she’d been crying.

“Oh, I’m sorry. She didn’t tell me anyone was here,” the girl apologized shyly. He smiled at her, not wanting to make her feel unwanted.

“That’s okay. We were just about to have dinner. Do you want to sit down and have some? There’s plenty,” he offered. She nodded and sat down at the table while he got up and grabbed another plate and set of silverware. Then he grabbed the Cacciatore off the stove and brought it over to the table. “Are you one of Gabrielle’s students?” he asked when he got back over to the table.

“No. She’s my aunt,” the girl told him. He looked at her in shock. Gabrielle’s niece? That couldn’t be. She’d told him she didn’t have any family.

“Oh, I didn’t realize. I’m Patrick,” he introduced himself, fighting the urge to question her.

“I’m Kaylen.” He placed the Cacciatore down on the table in front of her just as Gabrielle walked in. He looked up at her and gave her a questioning look. Gabrielle looked shocked herself.

“I’m going to go and let you and your niece catch up,” he told her, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. Gabrielle’s face fell at his statement and anger built up in him. So she had lied to him about not having any family. He grabbed his jacket off of one of the bar stools and headed right for the door.

“Patrick, wait!” he heard her call after him once he was in the hallway. He spun around on her.

“I thought you didn’t have any family,” he spat at her. He was both hurt and angry at the lie. Why would she have lied to him about that?

“I don’t,” she responded quietly.

“Is that or is that not your niece?” he asked pointing at her apartment, his voice raising a decibel. He saw tears well up in her eyes.

“You don’t understand,” she started.

“Cut the shit, Gabrielle. That’s not a hard question to answer. Yes or no?” He was losing patience with her.

“Yes,” she whispered so quietly he almost didn’t hear her. The anger surged through him at the answer. Instead of saying anything he might regret he turned and made his way to the elevator. “Patrick, please.”

“I need time,” he said through gritted teeth. The elevator opened in front of him and he got in without looking back at her.










I watched Patrick get on the elevator as tears fell down my cheeks. I wanted to chase after him, to explain, but I couldn’t. Right now Kaylen was in my apartment and something had obviously really upset her. Upset her enough to search me out and come to me. I wiped the tears away and shook Patrick out of my mind before walking back in.

“Did he leave because of me?” Kaylen asked.

“No, honey, he left because he wanted to give us time to talk. Why don’t you start by telling me what you’re doing here?” She looked down at her hands in her lap and stayed silent. After a few moments I knew she wasn’t going to tell me right then. “Okay, well, why don’t we eat first? Are you hungry?”

She nodded and I sat down at the table across from her. I handed her the serving utensils and she took some food. I did the same when she was done and we began to eat. Neither of us said anything while we did. It wasn’t until we were both done and I’d picked up the dishes that I turned back to her.

“Okay, Kaylen, you need to tell me what’s going on,” I told her firmly. I saw tears building up in her eyes again, but she still didn’t answer me. Then something hit me that I probably should have thought of before. “Do your parents know you’re here?”

“No,” she croaked out. I covered my face with my hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.” I sat up and looked at Kaylen.

“It’s okay, really. I just need to call your mother.” Boy did I not look forward to making that phone call.

“No!” she yelled out quickly. I turned back to her.

“Then you need to tell me what’s going on.”

“They didn’t want me,” she mumbled.

“Who didn’t?” I prodded.

“Mom and Dad. They don’t want me.” My heart broke for her when I heard that. I knew that feeling all too well.

“That’s not true, honey. They love you.” She shook her head adamantly.

“I heard them talking. They were fighting. They were saying that I was too much trouble and blaming each other for how I’d turned out.”

My heart broke for her. I highly doubted that my sister and her husband didn’t want or love Kaylen, but I also knew how hurtful hearing things like that could be. I let her talk, get everything out of her system before interjecting and giving her any advice or an opinion. I didn’t want to push her away and cause her to run out, because if she’d come to me, then she really wouldn’t have anywhere to go after.

She got everything she’d been holding inside of her out, telling me that nothing she did was good enough, they didn’t understand her, they didn’t support any decision she made. To be honest it was fairly typical problems a 14 year old might have with their parents. There was just one difference. That difference was Rachel and her husband Lance.

Rachel was the oldest of my two sisters and 12 years older than me. There was a big age difference between both Rachel and Bailey and I, but Rachel and I had always been the most distant. To Rachel, if it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t okay. At least she’d been like that when I was growing up. I doubted that in the almost 10 years I’d been away from home that she’d changed much.

I talked to Kaylen for a while trying to reassure her that Rachel and Lance did in fact love her, and that there would always be fights. That didn’t mean that any of it was Kaylen’s fault. I eventually got her calmed down enough to get her parents’ phone number out of her. I picked up the phone and prepared myself for a phone call I didn’t want to make. I hadn’t spoken to Rachel since I’d left home and I really didn’t know what to expect when I called and told her that her daughter was currently with me. I took a deep breath and dialed.

“Hello?” a female voice answered.

“Rachel?” I asked.

“Yes,” she responded cautiously. I doubt many people called her and addressed her like that.

“Hi, it’s Gabrielle.”

Chapter 19

The ringing sound of a phone broke me out of a deep sleep. It took me a moment to realize what was making the sound and I felt Patrick shift next to me, the ringing waking him up as well. I blindly reached out for my phone in the dark as I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It read 2:53 am. Who the hell would be calling me right now?

“Hello?” I half mumbled, half growled into the phone. I felt Patrick’s arm snake around my stomach and pull me back into him. I felt him nuzzle into my neck and smiled at the touch.

“Gabrielle? It’s Officer Monahan.” I squeezed my eyes closed and fought back the annoyance. I was going to kill Nathan. Right before the Winter Classic too. He should know better. “I have a girl down here by the name of Gia Henderson.” Wait, what?

“Gia’s there?” I bolted upright out of Patrick’s grip.

“Yeah. She’s really upset and refuses to talk to anyone except for you.” I was already out of bed and searching for my clothes.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I hung up the phone without waiting for a response.

“What’s going on?” Patrick asked, sitting up in bed.

“I have to go. One of my student’s is in trouble. Can I leave Loxley here until I can get back?” I was dressed even before the question was asked.

“Yeah, sure.” Patrick said something else, but I was already bolting out the door.

It was very unlike Gia to get into any trouble. She’d only been coming to me because she’d skipped some school, her grades had dropped, and she seemed depressed. There had been no sign that she was going to get into trouble with the police. I had no idea what to expect when I arrived at the police station nor did I know why she would only talk to me.

I pulled up in front of the station in record time and ran inside. I told the officer in the front that I needed to speak to Officer Monahan immediately and waited impatiently to see Quentin walk around the corner. When he did I looked at him expectantly and saw the grim look on his face.

“What’s going on?” I asked as he led me back towards the interrogation rooms.

“One of our officers found Gia walking alone down the street in torn clothes and crying. When they stopped to check on her she became hysterical, so they brought her in. The only thing she’ll say is that she needs to talk to you,” he explained.

I looked through the two-way mirror at Gia who was seated at a table. There was a bottle of water untouched in front of her. She lifted her head to look around the room and I could see her red-rimmed eyes along with what looked to be a forming bruise on her cheek. I heard Quentin curse when he saw it too. I made my way to the door and walked in. Gia began to cry again when she saw me. I rushed over to her and pulled her into a hug, allowing her time to cry.

“Gia, what happened?” I asked her when she’d calmed down a bit.

“I thought he was my friend,” she started quietly. She stopped just after speaking those words, turning her head away from me. I felt sick, knowing exactly what she was trying to tell me.

“Who, Gia?” I pushed, hoping for an answer. A sob was the only response she gave me. “Okay, it’s okay. We should get you to a hospital and make sure you’re alright.” She nodded and I helped her up and out of the chair.

Gia and I left the police station and I drove her to the hospital, my heart aching the whole time. A doctor came and checked Gia out, confirming that she was okay. While we waited she opened up to me a little more and I convinced her to have a rape kit done. A few hours later after talking to the police, we were able to leave.

“Let’s get you home,” I said as I led her out of the hospital and over to my car.

“No!” she exclaimed. I turned to her in surprise at the vehemence in her voice. She looked away quickly, seemingly embarrassed by her outburst. “My parents are out of town for a couple of days. I don’t want to be alone.”

So instead of driving Gia back to her place, I brought her to mine. The sun had risen by the time we got to my apartment, and Gia and I were both exhausted. I gave her some clothes to change into and cleaned up my studio and made the futon up like a bed while she changed. Gia was asleep within minutes of lying down, but I was wide awake, unwelcome thoughts running through my mind.

Gia slept through the morning while I made a phone call to Isaiah who had a phone number for Gia’s parents. Then I called her parents, and received their permission to let her stay with me until they got home, saying only that being alone was making her nervous. A little while later, my phone rang.

“Hey, I’m downstairs with Loxley,” Patrick told me. I cringed, not really sure about having him in my apartment in case Gia woke up. I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.

“Okay, come on up.” A few minutes later, Patrick was walking through the door, Loxley in tow.

“Everything okay from last night?” he asked. I shook my head and put a finger to my lips to indicate that he should be quiet.

“It couldn’t be much worse. Gia’s here right now. She’s going to be here until just after New Years.” To his credit, he looked concerned, but nodded.

“Okay. I’ll just go then. I’ll call you later?” I was about to respond when a voice spoke up from behind me.

“Ms. Tunney?” I turned to see Gia walking from around the corner. She stopped when she saw Patrick standing in front of me. I noticed that she had changed back into her own clothes.

“Hey, can I get you something?” I asked her. She shook her head, but didn’t respond, instead keeping her eyes on Patrick. “I talked to your parents. I told them you were nervous about being home alone, and they agreed to let you stay here until they got home.” She nodded, but didn’t respond.

“Hi, I’m Patrick. I was watching Gabrielle’s dog for her last night and just stopped by to drop Loxley off,” he said pointing towards Lox, who was watching Gia cautiously. Gia turned her attention to Loxley and I saw a small smile form.

“I didn’t know you had a dog,” she said to me, her eyes still on Lox.

“Yeah, that’s Loxley. He’s really friendly, I promise,” I assured her. She knelt down and held her hand out for him. Loxley walked over, sniffed her for a moment and then let her pet him.

“I love dogs. I wish my parents would let me have one,” she said as she scratched his belly.

“You know, Gia, I’m going to be busy until New Years Day and won’t have much time to spend with my dog. If it’s okay with Gabrielle, how would you feel about watching my dog Dudley for me for the next couple of days?” Patrick offered. She looked up with a grin on her face as I turned to Patrick in surprise.

“Sure, it’s okay with me if she’s willing,” I said, trying to hold in my own smile. It was uncanny how well Patrick could read people and situations. The guy was a saint.

“I’d love to!” she exclaimed.

“Great. I have to get going, but I’ll be back later with Dudley. I’ll bring some dinner and let you know everything he likes and doesn’t like.” She nodded and turned her attention back to Loxley, who was eating up all the attention he was getting. I turned to Patrick and smiled gratefully at him.

“I guess I’ll see you tonight,” I told him.

“Let me know what she wants to eat and I’ll get it. Does 6 sound okay?” I nodded and he smiled at me before turning and walking out the door.

During dinner that night Gia talked more than I’d ever heard her talk before. I’d brought her home to grab some of her stuff and she’d been taking pictures of the dogs all day. When Patrick had come over she’d spent a long time showing them to him and he good naturedly let her. Was there anything wrong with this guy at all, because right now he was a saint.

The topic of the Winter Classic came up and despite not being into sports, Gia seemed fascinated by the idea of it. Patrick promised to get an extra ticket since I was already taking Nathan. Gia agreed, eager for the opportunity to take photos at such a major event. To be honest, I hadn’t seen Gia this happy in a long time, and especially after something so traumatic. Patrick was truly a godsend.

Patrick came over and I cooked dinner on New Years Eve. He stayed long enough to see midnight before heading home to get some sleep before the big game. The next day Gia and I left to pick Nathan up at the school. The three of us then headed off to the game. Gia and Nathan had known each other, but weren’t friends. That didn’t matter as we got to Wrigley Field. Just the excitement of the game had them both chattering away.

Despite the fact that the Hawks lost, the three of us still had a great time. Gia had her camera out almost the entire game taking pictures of the game, the stadium, and the crowd. By the end of the game I think almost everyone in there had posed for her at one point or another. Nathan had just been excited to be able to attend the Winter Classic for his favorite team, an opportunity he wouldn’t have had just a few months before.

When the game was over we all waited for Patrick and talked with the rest of the families of the guys that had gone to the game. Due to the atmosphere of the whole experience, no one seemed upset, and conversation was easy. When Patrick finally came out after all the interviews he’d had he took the three of us out for dinner.

Gia’s parents came the next day to pick her up and she’d given me a hug before she walked out the door. I didn’t know what things would be like with her once school started back up, or if she would open up to me anymore, but I hoped that these past few days would help. As much as I wished I could say that I’d been able to get through to her a bit, I knew it was all because of Patrick, which I made sure to tell him that night.

“I really need to thank you for what you did not just for Gia, but for Nathan,” I told him.

“I haven’t done anything,” he denied. I looked straight into his eyes.

“Yes, you have. You have no idea what those two kids have gone through. I could have only gotten so far with them in this amount of time. If it wasn’t for you and the things you’ve done, they may not be how they are now. Nathan is going to school and getting his grades up ever since you agreed to let us come to games and being able to make Gia smile after what she went through the other night is more invaluable than you’ll ever know. Thank you.”

I didn’t say it, and I’m not sure I ever would, but helping them was really helping me. He didn’t know it, but Gia and Nathan were more like me than he could ever guess. I wasn’t ready to come out and tell him what had happened in my life yet, but seeing how he handled them gave me hope. It gave me hope that when I was ready for him to really see me that he may not run the other way.

Chapter 18

Two more days had passed in Thunder Bay with Patrick’s family and despite myself, I was having fun. His family was amazing. They were sweet, funny, and real. This was a real family, the prime example of a real family in fact. They laughed and joked with each other, telling embarrassing stories lovingly and without malice. I ached for that. My whole life I’d always ached for that.

Patrick and his father had gone outside to get something from a shed a while ago. Two days ago I would have felt awkward being left alone with his family, but not now. Now I hardly noticed that he was out of the room and I was alone with people I’d only just met. Periodically my mind would wander and I’d find myself almost waiting for the panic attack to come, because by now it should be, but it never did. It was never even close.

It didn’t even kick in a few hours later when the rest of Patrick’s family showed up for dinner. There were aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. The house was alive with strangers and despite the crowded house the panic attack never came. Somehow throughout the evening the genuine smile remained on my face as I met and talked with each of them.

Everyone was curious about me, the girl that Patrick had brought home from Chicago for Christmas. I strangely didn’t mind the attention they all seemed to be paying to me as I was basically given the third degree about my job, my hobbies, and what I was interested in. Oddly though, the topic of my family never once came up in all the conversation.

“Did you need a break?” I heard a voice ask from behind me. I’d grabbed a mug of coffee and had made my way outside.

“No, it’s not that. I just think it’s so pretty here at night with all the stars out. I don’t get to see stars like this too often,” I told Elise truthfully. She smiled at me and nodded.

“I guess that’s the downside to living in a big city.”

“Only one of many,” I joked. She laughed a little and then we stood there in silence looking out over the stars for a while.

“You know, Patrick’s never brought anyone home for Christmas before, even when they lived close by. In fact, since he moved away from home almost 9 years ago he’s only introduced us to one other girl.”

Her words caught me by surprise and I wasn’t really sure what to say. I looked over at her and she simply smiled at me before turning and walking back into the house leaving me outside with that statement running through my head. She’d come out here to specifically tell me that and make sure I knew that I was different, but why? I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, or any of it.

“Are you ever coming back inside?” This time it was Patrick’s voice that I heard behind me. I turned back to him and smiled, trying desperately to hide the turmoil going on inside of me.

“Yeah, I was just about to.” He held the door open for me and followed me back inside.

A little while later we were all seated around a long table covered in food. Plates were passed around and everyone was encouraged to take as much as they wanted, because leftovers were not desired. The same jovial conversation I’d been witnessing the past few days continued through dinner and I found myself temporarily forgetting about what Elise had told me.

No one was in a hurry to get up from the table once we’d all been stuffed full of food. It was only when Ian decided it was time for after dinner drinks that anyone made a move to leave their chairs. I got up along with Patrick and prepared to head out into the living room with the majority of the others when Elise surprised me again.

“Gabrielle, do you think you could help me clean off the table?” she called over to me.

I stood frozen in my spot for a moment. She glanced back at me over her shoulder as she carried a dish into the kitchen, and smiled warmly. What she’d said to me outside on the porch suddenly came rushing back into my head as sudden understanding flooded my brain. I fought back the tears and picked up a dish myself, carrying it into the kitchen behind her.










Patrick followed his father across the snowy yard to the shed his parents had along the tree line in their backyard. He wasn’t sure exactly what they needed, but when his father had asked for help with something, he hadn’t questioned him. They stepped inside the shed and his father turned the light on.

“So what did we need to get?” Patrick asked, looking around at the boxes and tools that were stored in there.

“Nothing really,” his father replied. Patrick looked at him in understanding. His father wanted to talk to him about Gabrielle alone. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the work table.

“What do you have to say?” he asked. Ian took a similar stance against the wall across from Patrick.

“Gabrielle is different, isn’t she?” Patrick knew what he meant, and he nodded.

“I can’t explain it, but yeah, she is. There’s just something about her.”

“You’ve never brought anyone home with you before. Especially over a holiday like Christmas.”

“I told you about her family,” Patrick started and Ian nodded his head.

“Yeah, you said she doesn’t have any. What happened?” he asked. Patrick sighed and shrugged.

“She hasn’t said and I haven’t asked. I can tell that whatever it was wasn’t good. She won’t talk about them. The pain in her eyes is very apparent when they come up and I can see how difficult it is for her. I think there might have been an accident,” Patrick told him.

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, something had to happen for her to lose both her parents and two sisters at the same time. I also noticed some scars on her arms that she told me came from glass in an accident, but she clammed up pretty quickly about those too. I think she was the only one that survived.” Ian took that information in and was quiet for a while.

“I’m sorry that anyone has to live with something like that. It can’t be easy,” he said after a while. Patrick agreed.

“That’s my only hesitation with her. Everything else is amazing. I just wish she’d open up to me about them and about what happened,” Patrick explained.

“People grieve in their own ways. Maybe when she lost them she lost the only people she’d been able to rely on. It takes time to be able to trust someone again.”

Patrick took that in, knowing his father was right. He would just have to be patient with Gabrielle and let her realize that he was here to stay as long as she’d have him and that she could trust him. Being here with her and watching her with his family had shown him even more that she was someone special, something different.

“If it helps, we all like her,” his father said. Patrick smiled over at him.

“Thanks.” Ian turned and began to search the shed, signaling the talk was over.

“We should probably find something in here to bring into the house. Otherwise they’ll wonder what we were doing out here.” Patrick laughed and began to help his father search for something.

Later that night Patrick watched Gabby help his mother and his aunt clean up the table after dinner. It was the last night they’d be here with an early flight back to Chicago the next morning. Even so, he couldn’t keep the smile off of his face when he thought about the break they’d had and shared together.

As the night wore on, everyone began to pack up and leave. He and Gabrielle hung back to say goodbye to his immediate family when the rest were gone. After doing so they got into the car and headed back to his house. The car ride was silent and Gabrielle kept her face turned towards the window and away from him. He wondered what that was about.

After pulling into the driveway he parked and got out of the car. When he got around it and reached Gabrielle he heard a sniffle. At first he assumed her nose might be running from the cold, but when he heard another immediately following the first he grabbed her arm and turned her to look at him. He was surprised to find tears flowing freely down her face.

“Gabby, what’s wrong?” he asked, concerned.

“Your mom asked me to help clean off the table,” she said between sniffs.

He was confused for a moment. She was crying because she was asked to help with chores? Really? But as he looked into her eyes searching for the cause of the tears he found his answer. Guests were never allowed to help with any sort of chore in his parents’ house and he could blatantly remember his mother saying that to Gabrielle when she’d offered to help with something the first day she'd met them.

He pulled Gabrielle into his arms and let her continue to cry on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure exactly what to say or do and figured that just letting her cry was the best thing. Tonight she’d gone from being a guest with no family to being accepted into his. He couldn’t imagine the emotions that were going through her right now. He heard her crying begin to fade and pulled away just a little.

“Why don’t we get inside out of the cold?” he suggested. She nodded and let him lead her inside.

She took off her coat and walked straight upstairs. He followed her a few minutes later after grabbing some things that they would need in the morning and found her tucked into bed. She was no longer crying, and he changed before getting into bed beside her. She turned over to him and looked straight into his eyes.

“Thank you for bringing me here with you,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome,” he returned before placing a kiss on her forehead.

She buried her head into his shoulder and closed her eyes. He watched her sleep for a while as he thought about what had just happened. He felt like she’d just cracked open a door for him, no longer keeping him completely shut out. He couldn't have been happier.

Chapter 17

I stood back as Patrick checked our bags and printed out our boarding passes. I stood stiffly and warily as I looked around at all the people surrounding us. I’m claustrophobic and I felt like walls were closing in on me, like I needed clean air. Patrick glanced at me over his shoulder and gave me a smile. I smiled back at him. At least I thought I did.

When he was done he took my hand and led me through the maze of people to security and customs. I followed his lead on everything, having my passport out ahead of time. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been on a plane. I knew I’d flown before, when I was young, but I didn’t remember it. I couldn't even remember where I'd gone.

Once we were through everything he took my hand again and I followed him to our gate. Most of the seats already contained people, so we found an empty spot against the wall and sat on the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and reminded myself to keep slow, steady breaths. Patrick placed a hand on my knee and nudged me with his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

No, I wasn’t. I was so far from being okay. I was using every ounce of my energy to fight off a panic attack. I wasn’t sure what was causing the fear and anxiety. It could have been the impending plane ride. It could have been meeting Patrick’s family. It could have been spending the holidays with a family for the first time since I’d lost mine. It could have been the fact that I felt like I was falling for Patrick more and more every time I saw him. It could have been a combination of any or all of those things.

“Just nervous. I haven’t flown since I was a child,” I told him.

I couldn’t tell him the truth. I couldn’t let him know that I was crazy. I couldn’t tell him that there was a bottle of Ativan that I hadn’t brought because I didn’t want him to know about it that I desperately wished I had with me. I couldn’t tell him that I wished I had something much stronger than Ativan. I couldn’t tell him that I hadn’t had the craving for something like that in seven years, but now I had twice since I’d met him.

“It’ll be okay. I promise,” he tried to assure me as he put an arm around my shoulders. I nodded and forced a smile onto my face to try to hide what I was really feeling.

We boarded the plane for Thunder Bay a while later and I strapped in between Patrick and the window. We talked off and on through the night flight. I felt like he was trying to keep my mind off of the fact that I was in the air, and it was sweet. A little misguided, but sweet. I clung to his hand as the plane touched down, and he placed a kiss on my forehead once we were taxiing to the gate.

“See, I promised that you’d be safe,” he whispered. I wasn’t safe. I’d never be safe around him.

We walked off of the plane and I felt the tightening in my chest when I realized that it was way too late to turn back now. I stopped walking, took a few deep breaths, and then caught up to Patrick who had stopped to turn back to me. Once again, he mistook my nervousness for something else.

“My family will love you. I promise.” I wanted to tell him to stop promising things. Promises could never be kept.

He took my hand again and led me through the airport, which was considerably smaller and less full than the Chicago airport had been. That helped. We reached baggage claim and I saw a guy standing there with the same eyes as Patrick. We headed straight for him and Patrick let go of my hand to give him a hug. I hung back as they greeted each other.

“This is my girlfriend, Gabrielle. Gabby, this is my brother, Chris,” Patrick introduced us.

I hesitated a moment, surprised by what Patrick had said. The word ‘girlfriend’ had never come up between us before. When had that happened? When had we gone from just dating to me being a girlfriend? Finally I stepped forward, put a smile on my face, and shook his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Chris. Patrick talks about you all the time. Let me assure you it’s not all good,” I joked with a wink. It even amazed me at how quickly I managed to shift from anxiety to good humor.

“Somehow, I’m not surprised. It’s nice to meet you, too. Come on, I’m sure you guys are tired. I’ll get you home,” he returned.

I insisted on sitting in the back seat of the car so that the two of them could talk and catch up. I kept an ear on the conversation so I could respond when necessary, but my mind was elsewhere. I hadn’t been with people for Christmas in nine years. Even when Olivia had taken me in and given me a home for a while, I’d spent Christmas alone. She’d gone to be with her family, and despite her insistence, I’d always refused to join. Now I was heading into a family Christmas with an apparent ‘boyfriend’ I still didn’t know all that well. Talk about jumping in head on.

Chris pulled into the driveway of a house with a porch light on in front and a light on in a room inside. He got out and helped with the luggage. When I noticed that there were no other cars in the driveway and no one came out to greet us I assumed this was Patrick’s house in the off season. Chris and Patrick carried the luggage inside and I followed them in.

“Okay, I have to get back to Faith. I guess we’ll see you for breakfast at Mom and Dad’s at 9?”

“We’ll see you then,” Patrick confirmed. Chris gave a final wave before walking back out the front door.

“Nice place,” I told Patrick when he shut the door behind Chris. He smiled over at me and pulled me into a hug.

“I kind of sprang the ‘girlfriend’ thing on you back there,” he said. I looked up at him in surprise. How had he known? As if reading my mind again, he gave a small laugh. “You were quieter than normal the entire trip back from the airport.”

“I’m sorry. I was just caught off-guard,” I replied truthfully.

“I hope it was okay.”

“It was.” I could hear the tremor in my own voice, so I tried to hide it with a smile.

“Gabrielle, whatever’s making you tense about me, about being here, I just want you to know that I can help. Let me save you,” he whispered. His words stunned me. They hit me harder than I would have liked them too, because God, I wanted to be saved. I just hadn’t realized that it had been so obvious that I’d been holding back and hiding things.

“I never asked you to save me.”

“I know.”

He said those two words very pointedly, his eyes boring into mine. He wasn’t just telling me that he was aware I didn’t ask him to, he was telling me he was willing and wanted to. I didn’t even know how to respond to that, short of just breaking down, and I wasn’t going to do that. All I knew was that my heart was surging and fluttering and my stomach was doing somersaults. How was it that he could make something so awful seem so tolerable?

“Why don’t I give you the tour?” he asked, obviously sensing I wasn’t sure what to say and wanting to change the subject.

“The tour can wait.” He looked over at me in surprise. I shrugged. Two simple words had made me need him again. “The house will still be here later.” He laughed and lifted me easily in his arms.

“Why don’t I show you the bedroom first?”

I felt a stab of fear when the alarm sounded the following morning. This was it. What had I gotten myself into? We took turns showering and then got into a car he leaves there when he goes to Chicago for the season and headed over to his parents’ house. Patrick gave me more assurance that his family would love me before he opened the front door and we walked in.

“Sweetie! How was your trip?” a woman I assumed was his mother exclaimed, immediately coming down the hallway and hugging Patrick. An older man came around a corner with a smile on his face, followed by Chris and his very pregnant wife.

“It was, fine. No problems. Hi, Dad.”

“And you must be Gabrielle,” the woman said, turning her attention towards me. I smiled and started to stick my hand out to shake her hand. “Oh, we don’t shake hands in this family.” She wrapped me up in a hug that took me by surprise. When she pulled away, I saw Patrick holding back a laugh as his eyes met mine.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. Sharp.”

“Nonsense. We don’t do formal here either. It makes me feel old. Call me Elise and this is my husband, Ian. I believe you met Chris last night, and this is his wife, Faith,” she said, introducing me to everyone.

After the introductions were over I followed the family back into the kitchen where the table was set for all of us and food was already on the table. There was more food sitting out than I thought was possible for just six people to eat. Apparently I underestimated the Sharp family. Hardly anything was left after the meal.

The conversation had been light and amusing. I heard stories about Patrick and Chris as they were growing up, some of which they’d probably wished had never been brought up again. I spent more time laughing than I would have liked. There was a comfort in feeling uneasy about being in a family setting. Enjoying it meant I was enjoying being around a family, which meant I was growing to like them, which meant that it was going to hurt even worse when they were torn away from me.

“Let me help you clean up,” I offered to Elise. She brushed my offer away with a wave of her hand.

“We don’t put guests to work in this house. The boys will help me clean. Go on out and enjoy your coffee with Faith and Ian.” I gave her a smile and nodded at the dismissal.

We sat around a truly charming and inviting living room finishing off the coffee and letting the breakfast feast digest before I was informed it was time to find the Christmas tree. Usually the whole family went along, but Faith stayed back because of her 8 months of pregnancy and Elise stayed to keep an eye on her. The rest of us bundled up against the Thunder Bay cold and walked out into the woods.

“This one looks good,” Ian suggested, pointing to a tree nearby.

“I think it’ll work,” Chris agreed. Patrick turned to me.

“What do you think?” he asked. I wasn’t sure what to say. I’d never gone out searching for a Christmas tree before. What were the requirements of a good tree?

“It looks good to me,” I said, agreeing with the first two. I wasn’t about to know any better than they were.

They got to work chopping the tree down as I sat back and shivered. I’d never experienced a cold like this cold before. I didn’t know it was humanly possible for someone to get this cold and still survive. I couldn’t feel my toes or my fingers and they were under layers and layers of socks and gloves.

Finally the tree fell and I was appointed the very top to carry. The four of us trekked through snow that was up to my knees as we carried the tree back to the house. Elise opened the door for us when she saw us coming and we tried our best to shake the snow off of us before entering the house. I saw with gratitude that she had hot cocoa waiting for our arrival.

The next couple of hours were spent decorating the tree with a variety of ornaments. Some were fancier, some were goofier, and some were homemade. I laughed at the stories they told of how some of the ornaments were made by the boys when in grade school. I laughed harder at a picture of Patrick from when he was 8 years old stuffed into a ratty old tuna can with glitter and fake snow.

Despite all the laughter as we finished decorating the tree, I was overcome with a feeling of sadness. With my family there’d never been a family search for the perfect tree, there was no family decorating, and I couldn’t recall ever making a homemade ornament. Even if I had, I doubted it would have ever been allowed on the tree.

Later that night, long after dinner had ended, Patrick and I returned to his house. We fell right into bed, both exhausted from a long day. The only difference between us is that he fell asleep with a smile on his face, while I struggled to keep him from waking up to see my tears. His family was perfect, and made me long for a family of my own. I didn’t want to feel this anymore, yet it had only been the first day of four here. I wasn’t sure how I’d make it through the rest.