Chapter 29

I walked up to the gate at the airport and sat down. I was ridiculously early for my flight to Ontario and had a lot of time to kill. As I pulled out a book to read while I waited I realized that I was much less distressed about flying this time than I was the last time. I almost laughed when I thought about my first trip to Thunder Bay.

I’d come a long way in the last 8 months, I thought. Part of the reason I’d shown up to the airport so early was because I was afraid I’d start getting really anxious and I wanted to give myself time to calm down before the plane took off. The other reason was that I was just simply excited to see Patrick again.

It had been just over a month since I’d seen him last. He’d left Chicago two weeks after they’d lost and I didn’t see him again until the second week of July. He’d flown out for a week. Since I was working we had fully intended on him using his house, but that hadn’t happened. He only went there to check on things before heading straight back to my apartment. It was a strange but nice feeling to have him there when I woke up in the morning, and when I got home from work.

I had somehow convinced myself that saying goodbye to him when he’d flown back home wouldn’t be that difficult because I was busy with work and I’d be seeing him in a month. I was mistaken. The second he was out of sight at the airport I’d started bawling, to the point where someone employed at the airport asked me if I was okay. That was a new feeling.

Now I was checking my watch every two minutes to see how much time I had left until I’d see him. All I knew was that if my flight was delayed I might kill someone. Finally the call to board the plane came over the loudspeaker and I took my seat next to the window. A man took the seat next to me and I gave him a polite smile before turning my attention back out the window.

I kept my eyes glued to the action outside, willing the plane to start moving. I didn’t turn my attention from the window until we were high up in the air with just the clouds for a view. Figuring time would go by faster if I didn’t just stare off, I pulled out my book and attempted to read.

“Do you mind if I work on my laptop?” the man next to me asked. I smiled and shook my head.

“No, go right ahead,” I told him.

“Business or pleasure?” he asked. I understood the question and my smile grew as I thought about the answer.

“Pleasure. I’m going to go ahead and guess you’re business?” He laughed at the assumption.

“What gave it away?” he joked.

We chatted for a few more minutes before he got to work and I got back to my book. I continued to check my watch constantly, just unable to concentrate on the words in front of me. When I heard the captain announce our descent I nearly jumped out of my seat in excitement.

“You know, I’m going to be in the area for a couple of days. If you have time, I’d love if you could join me for dinner some night,” the guy next to me, whose name I’d already forgotten, said.

“Oh, that’s really sweet of you, but I’m flying in to spend the week with my boyfriend,” I explained. He gave me a knowing smile before apologizing and we spent the rest of the flight in silence.

Once on the ground I waited impatiently for the passengers ahead of me to clear out so I could get off the plane. I practically ran to customs to try to cut off as many people as possible. Once through I made my way towards baggage claim. As soon as it was in sight I spotted Patrick leaning against a wall. My heart started to race as a smile spread across my face. His eyes locked with mine, and I saw a smile form on his as well.

“About time you got here,” he told me before pulling me into a lingering kiss.

“It took forever,” I murmured against his lips. We kissed again and I felt that butterfly feeling in my stomach. God, I’d missed that.

“If we don’t get out of here now, these people are going to get a hell of a show,” Patrick whispered. I grinned up at him and backed away.

“Then keep your hands off of me until I get my luggage and we get to your house.”

It was an agonizing wait for my luggage to finally make its way out, made even more agonizing by the fact that Patrick just couldn’t keep his hands to himself. We’d talked every day since he’d left, but it wasn’t the same as being in the same room. Patrick grabbed my suitcase and carried it out to the car before speeding back to his house.

“So my family would love to see you at least once while you’re here,” he told me later that night. I felt warm memories of Christmas flood back into my mind. They might not have been so warm at the time, but now I could appreciate them.

“And I would love to see them, as long as you don’t make me get out of bed quite yet,” I replied.

“Oh, trust me, you’re not leaving this bed anytime soon.”

The next night Patrick and I got ready and headed over to his parents’ house for dinner. His brother, sister-in-law, and their new son were going to be there as well. I wasn’t nervous or anxious at all about the upcoming night. In fact, I kind of looked forward to it. I knew that I’d been accepted by them the last time I was here, and it was nice to think that I was sort of a part of a family.

“Gabrielle, hi! Come in, come in!” Patrick’s mother called to me in greeting as we walked up the sidewalk. She gave me a hug as soon as I was on the porch, and I couldn’t help but grin at the welcome.

“It’s so nice to see you again, Elise,” I replied when I followed her into the house.

The rest of Patrick’s family were in the living room waiting on our arrival. I smiled and greeted them all before my gaze fell on Faith and the infant she had in her arms. She was rocking him and smiling down at him. That was when the first hitched breath came. I hadn’t been expecting it so it took me by surprise.

“Are you okay?” Patrick asked me, noticing that my hand was now clutching at my chest. I turned to him and forced a smile onto my face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. He’s just so beautiful,” I said turning my attention back to Faith and playing off my reaction.

Chris and Faith both grinned over at me and thanked me. I forced feet that felt like they were weighed down by cement to carry me over to them. I did all the things that were expected from someone who saw a newborn for the first time. I complimented him, smiled down at him, asked how things were going, but I didn’t touch him. I may have been able to force air into my tightening lungs while I pretended I was fine, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch him.

Patrick, his father, and Chris disappeared somewhere and Elise went into the kitchen to continue making dinner. That left Faith and I alone in the living room. She talked about what the last few months had been like, but I couldn’t keep my mind focused on what she was saying. I kept flashing back to the only time I’d held a baby…..my baby. In the midst of my absent-minded smiling and nodding, I watched Faith get thrown up on.

“Oh, shoot. Gabrielle, could you just hold Caleb for me for a second so I can clean up?” Faith asked, not waiting for a response. Before I knew what was happening, I was holding Caleb, and alone in the room.

I practically froze, not sure what was going to happen. I felt the tightening in my chest start back up again and I felt myself start to shake so badly that I could literally see Caleb shaking as well. I didn’t know why this was happening now when I’d been able to play with so many of Patrick’s teammates’ kids, but it was.

I struggled to suck air into my lungs while simultaneously not dropping Caleb from my unsteady hands. I wasn’t ready for this. I thought I’d be fine and I obviously wasn’t. I didn’t hear him come into the room, but suddenly Caleb was out of my arms and in Patrick’s. He turned and walked out of the room, returning empty handed. I felt him take hold of my arm and pull me off the couch.

“Let’s go outside,” he whispered. I merely let him pull me out the front door, down the driveway, and then the sidewalk. When we were out of sight of his house he put both hands on my face and looked straight into my eyes. “Breathe, Gabby. In and out. Just like me.”

He put my hand on his chest and exaggerated his own breaths. Following his lead and his coaxing I felt myself start to take longer and deeper breaths, eventually matching with his pace. After a little while I was back to breathing okay, and the tightness was gone, replaced now by tears.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t ready,” I whispered as he pulled me into him.

“It’s okay. There’s no reason to be sorry,” he told me as he stroked my hair, comforting me in the process. “Are you okay now?” he asked after a while. I pulled back and nodded, the tears no longer falling.

“Yeah, I think so.” He placed a kiss on my forehead before taking my hand and leading me back to his parents’ house.

I gave my head a shake and took a deep breath before we walked back inside. Everyone greeted us with a smile as we all made our way into the dining room for dinner, not suspecting a thing. I made it through dinner with no more problems and did my best to focus on having a good time. By the time we left that night, the genuine smile was back on my face.

Thankfully despite seeing Patrick’s family a couple more times through the week, I never had another panic attack. Instead I had more fun than I thought I could have and was sad to leave when my time there was over. I only had one more month to go before Patrick would be back in Chicago for the season. It was all that kept me from crying through the entire plane ride home.