Chapter 21

I felt my stomach churning as I told Rachel who was on the phone. I heard her sharp intake of breath and she was quiet. I waited for what felt like forever for her to say something. I half expected something scathing and half expected her to hang up on me. I wasn’t let down.

“What the hell do you want?” came her angry reply. I bit my tongue at the sarcastic response I wanted to shoot back at her. That was the old Gabrielle.

“I’m sorry to call and bother you, but Kaylen’s here,” I told her. There was another silent pause.

“I’m trying to figure out why you’d be calling to lie to me after all these years, and yet I’m coming up with nothing but a blank. Kaylen’s at her friend’s house.” I sighed and glanced over at the teenager sitting in the other room.

“No, Rachel, she’s sitting right here in my living room,” I corrected her.

“That’s impossible. She has no idea where you are. I have no idea where you are.”

“Well, she found out somehow. It’s Chicago, by the way. Kaylen left school early and caught a bus here.” I could hear Rachel try to muffle the phone and instruct someone to call Kaylen’s friend.

“This just doesn’t make any sense. Why would Kaylen search you out and then at 14 find a bus to Chicago to go see you?” There was a short pause and then Rachel started talking again. “Have you been in contact with her? Have you been talking to my daughter behind my back?”

“No, I haven’t. I…..” Rachel wasn’t done.

“Who do you think you are trying to barge back into our lives after everything you put us through? I thought we made it clear that we wanted nothing to do with you.”

“I didn’t…..”

“And now you go behind my back and start talking to my daughter, an impressionable teenager? How dare you!”

“Rachel!” I yelled into the phone, successfully shutting her up for a moment. “She heard you and Lance fighting. She overheard you saying you just wish you hadn’t had her.”

“I never said…..oh, God. That’s not what I said, not what I meant. Did she run away?” she asked, realization striking her.

“She did, but she came here. She’s safe, Rachel.” I heard her laugh when I said that and cringed.

“I doubt anyone’s safe around you. Give me your address. I’ll be there in five hours.” It was late and it was going to be a long drive from St. Louis, but I didn’t argue with her. I knew better. “If you said anything to her…..” Rachel warned before hanging up the phone.

I sighed and fought back the tears that were trying to force themselves out from under my eyelids. I deserved it, everything she said. I just wanted her and the rest of my family to know. I wanted them to know I was different now even if they couldn't forgive me. Even so, there was also a small part of me that wanted to blame them and shove what I’d become in their faces. I composed myself before walking back into the living room and sitting down next to Kaylen.

“Your mom is on her way. I think she’s driving so she’ll be here in about five hours. You can go into the other room and get some sleep if you want. I’ll make up the bed,” I offered. Kaylen nodded but didn’t move from her position on the couch. She was staring at an invisible spot on the floor.

“Why did everyone tell us you were dead?” she asked after a moment. My eyes widened in surprise and I felt like my heart stopped. They’d what?

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” She glanced up at me and took in the shocked expression on my face.

“You didn’t know,” she whispered. I could feel the tears building again. I wasn’t sure if they were because of anger, pain, sadness, or a combo.

“What did they tell you?” I asked quietly. She thought for a moment before responding.

“One day you were just gone. They took down all the pictures of you and locked up your bedroom. Mom and Dad told me that you’d been in a car accident. They told everyone that. I saw the obituary in the newspaper when I was older.”

This new revelation stunned and hurt me. My family hadn’t just cut me out of their lives, they’d killed me. My family was capable of almost anything, but even that seemed low. Wasn’t I still their daughter, their sister? Didn’t that count for anything? They never even gave me a chance.

“How did you find out I wasn’t?” I asked Kaylen after a while. She shrugged.

“The story seemed a little off to me. I’ve heard the whispered stories about you. That you got into a lot of trouble. Then you were in a car accident? I’m good with computers and looked up the obituary. I didn’t think there would be one, but there was. Only there was no story about a car accident. You’d think the death of one of the daughters of Ogden and Ramona Tunney would be big news. I started searching for you and eventually found you,” she explained.

I nodded and wanted to ask her more. I wanted to know what she’d heard because I had to know what else my family had lied about when it came to me. Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to ask. Instead I no longer tried to stop the tears, choosing to let them come. Kaylen slid over on the couch and put her arms around my shoulders.

“It’s why I came to you. I knew you’d understand what I was feeling because they did it to you,” she whispered.

I felt sick at her words. I couldn’t be sure that she was right, but I knew my family. She was probably right, and she didn’t deserve that. The Tunney’s wanted perfect little cookie cutter children. Anyone that dared to be different was shunned. I wanted to keep Kaylen here with me. I wanted to slam the door in Rachel’s face when she knocked on my door, but I knew I couldn’t. There was nothing I could do.

“Kaylen, listen to me. I’m not a good role model, for anyone. I did a lot of things wrong and screwed up more times than I can count. That’s not all their fault. I chose to do it. They were bad choices, but ultimately they were mine. Don’t look up to me. Don’t do what I did. Whatever they’ve said, whatever you’ve heard about me, at least part of it is true.”

“But not anymore. You have a great apartment with a dog and a boyfriend. I know that you’re a counselor and that you help kids. Your life isn’t so bad,” she argued. I looked at her sadly and shook my head.

“I’m lonely. Hardly a day in the last 10 years has gone by that I didn’t hate what I’d done and become. I lost them because of those choices. Until I met Patrick my life was lonely. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.” Kaylen took in my words and nodded. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote my phone number on it, without my name. “This is my number. You can call me anytime you need to.” She took it and folded it into a small square before tucking it into her pocket.

Kaylen fell asleep in the studio on the futon a little while later and I stayed awake waiting for the knock on the door that I was dreading. As I waited I called into work for the next day. There was no way I was going to be able to go into school tomorrow. I was too emotionally wrecked and exhausted to be of any use to a student.

My phone rang a while later indicating that someone was downstairs wanting to be buzzed up. It was Rachel and I did just that. Then I went in and woke up Kaylen. She was just coming out of the studio when the knock sounded on the door. Kaylen grabbed her bag as I went over to the door and pulled it open. Rachel stood there, arms crossed, with a look that could kill aimed right at me.

“Where is she?” she demanded. I took a step back and allowed her to come in.

“I’m right here, Mom,” Kaylen said. Rachel rushed over and hugged her.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. I’m so sorry. You know we didn’t mean that, right? We love you.”

Anyone who walked in and saw this scene would have found it sweet and heartbreaking to see a mother who loved her daughter so upset over saying something that caused her to run away. I, however, saw a mother who was only sorry that she’d have to explain this situation to her family. They separated and headed for the door. Kaylen hugged me on the way by.

“Thank you, Aunt Gabrielle,” she whispered. I smiled at her and watched her walk out the door. Rachel paused on her way out to look back at me.

“I have to admit I was surprised that you lived someplace as nice as this.” I clenched my jaw at the comment and refused to take the bait. “I don’t expect to be hearing from you again.” With that, she turned her back on me and closed the door behind her.

I stood there staring at the door long after their footsteps had faded away. I’d expected to be sad and depressed upon seeing the sister I’d let down so many years ago. Instead I only felt anger. How dare they? All of them.

The information Kaylen had given me opened the floodgates. Suddenly I wasn’t beating myself up for what I’d done back then. Now I was blaming them. I would never have been like that if they hadn’t been the way they were. They’d killed me when I left 10 years ago? No. They were dead to me now.