Chapter 22

Here it is, the big reveal. Thanks for sticking with me up until now. Sorry that there's so much dialogue from Gabrielle, but it was really the only way to get everything in, ya know?










Patrick was like a robot the next day at practice. He hadn’t been able to sleep at all that night. He just couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out why Gabrielle had lied to him. Why would she say she didn’t have any family if she did? Was there something wrong with them or something wrong with her?

They were the only options he could think of. Either they’d done something unthinkable to her or she’d done something unthinkable to them. Neither of those seemed to make much sense to him though. Gabrielle was one of the most amazing people he’d ever met. How could a family be so awful to her or how could she be awful to them?

“What’s going on, man?” Burish asked him after practice.

“Nothing. I’m fine,” he responded. He wished that he could have actually been slightly convincing, because there was no way Burish was buying that.

“You look like shit. Something’s wrong,” Burs pushed.

“I didn’t sleep last night.” Not wanting to have this conversation in the middle of the locker room Patrick walked out of it and outside.

“Aw, did you and Gabrielle get into your first little argument?” Burish teased. Patrick wasn’t in the mood.

“There was nothing little about it. She lied to me. She’s been lying to me the whole fucking time,” he said through gritted teeth. Burish’s smirk faded when he realized that it wasn’t some stupid spat.

“What about?”

“Her family. The one I told you she didn’t have. Turns out she does. Her niece showed up last night.”

“What did she say?”

“Nothing. I didn’t give her the chance.” He sighed at the look Burish gave him. “Her niece came in tears. It wasn’t the time to start questioning her.”

“Sometimes it sickens me how nice and understanding you are,” Burish cracked, causing a tiny smile to form on Patrick's lips. “When are you going to talk to her?” That was the million dollar question. He felt too riled up about it still to do it now. Not to mention Gabrielle was at work. He just needed some time to cool off.

“I don’t know. I just need to figure things out.”

Patrick made his way to his car and headed home. He let Dudley out the back door and tried unsuccessfully to just forget about Gabrielle for now. He was exhausted and needed sleep. The problem was that he knew sleep wasn’t going to come while his brain was working overtime to make sense of the lie she’d told about not having any family.

Dudley came back inside and Patrick went straight into his bedroom and lay down. Maybe if he stayed there long enough he’d eventually fall asleep. As he stared up at the ceiling he realized that he was so worked up because he’d fallen for Gabrielle. Hard. The doorbell rang just as that hit him and he considered staying in bed. It rang again and with a groan he got up to answer the door.

He checked who was there before opening it. He wasn’t sure he should open the door to her, but he did anyway. Gabrielle stood on the other side of his door in the middle of a school day looking worse than he did. Her eyes shifted from the ground to his face and tears immediately welled up in her eyes. He fought the urge to just pull her into him and wrap his arms around her.

“Hi,” he said quietly. She bit her lip before responding.

“I’m not sure I deserve it, but I was hoping we could talk. I realize that you’re more than angry at me right now and that once you hear why it’s only going to get worse. I just felt like you deserved the truth. I was hoping you’d at least let me explain things so you’d understand.” Curiosity got the best of him and he stepped back, allowing Gabrielle to walk into his house.










It was a painstaking wait for the hours to go by until Patrick would be home from practice. I had to explain to him, let him know why I’d kept my family a secret. He deserved the truth. He always had, but I’d selfishly kept it under wraps foolishly thinking that maybe I’d never have to tell him.

Now I was here, in his house, sitting on his couch. He didn’t look pleased or even ready to have me there with him, but I had to get this out now. I just wanted to rip the bandage off and let the pain come. The quicker the pain came the quicker I could start trying to get over the loss of him in my life.

He surprised me by sitting down next to me on the couch instead of on the chair across from me. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved that he didn’t hate me enough so far to want to be as far from me as possible or be worried because having him that close made it that much harder to tell him. We sat there in silence for a while as I struggled to think of how to start.

“Have you ever died?” I asked him. He looked at me strangely. I knew that probably didn’t make much sense, but I waited for an answer anyway.

“No,” he finally said, his brow furrowed.

“I have. Twice. Only I just recently found out about the second time. The first time I was 17 and I was dead for two minutes before they revived me. The second time was just two weeks later. My parents kicked me out of the house and I found out last night they put an obituary in the paper saying I’d been in a car accident and had died from the injuries.”

Patrick looked utterly confused and stunned at the same time. I didn’t blame him. I hadn’t exactly started this off slowly or with an explanation. Instead I’d only added more mystery to my past. I took a deep breath before starting at the beginning.

“After my parents had Rachel and Bailey they decided that two children was enough. Unfortunately 10 years later I was born. I was unexpected, a mistake, and unwanted. They never missed an opportunity to tell me that. Even as a child in elementary school I knew they’d never wanted me and they weren’t happy I was around.”

A sob escaped my throat after saying that and I took a minute to compose myself before continuing. I noticed a change in Patrick’s demeanor. He looked a little less angry, but I knew that was going to change very soon. Once he heard the rest he’d never look at me with any other emotion in his eyes.

“I spent years trying to gain their love. I wanted them to be as proud of me as they were of Rachel and Bailey. I did everything my sisters did. They did well in school so I studied hard to be just as smart. They played soccer and so did I. They were in chorus and played the violin, so I did too. Those were the things that made my parents proud of them and I thought that if I did the same things too they’d be proud of me like they were of them. I did everything my sisters did, and I did them all better. It didn’t matter. My sisters only saw me as a tag-along burden because of the age difference and my parents saw me as an inconvenience.”

As I talked I began to have flashbacks. I remembered my teachers wanting to put me into accelerated classes in elementary school because the regular classroom pace was too slow for me. I remembered my parents declining even though they’d done it for my sisters. I remembered scoring the game winning goal in the championship of a soccer game without my parents or sisters in attendance. I remembered looking out at the crowd after a solo only given to the best violinist in orchestra during a concert and seeing the two empty seats that had been designated for my parents.

“I decided as I got older that being like my sisters wasn’t going to get me attention so I turned to getting into trouble. I thought that if I got into trouble my parents would be forced to pay attention to me and then they could see that I really just needed them to care. I argued, I back talked, I did everything to upset my sisters and parents. By 11 I’d smoked my first cigarette. At 12 I had my first drink. By 13 I’d gotten high for the first time. When I was 14 I started skipping school. 15 was when I lost my virginity. At 16 I’d tried cocaine, speed, and ecstasy. At 17…..well, 17 was a real banner year for me.”

Tears were streaming down my face at this point. I paused to collect myself again before continuing and looked at the expression on Patrick’s face. I couldn’t read it. I had no idea if he was pitying me or thinking I was the most despicable person on the planet.

“My parents never cared. They were only embarrassed. You see, my dad wanted to be a Senator of Missouri with hopes of maybe someday being president. I’m from St. Louis, by the way. My antics were meant to make them care, but they only turned on me more. They told me I cost my father the election. Voters didn’t want a man running their state that couldn’t even control his child. My sisters hated me. That's when it turned from needing attention to being vindictive. Everything I did was aimed at hurting my family, with nothing but revenge fueling it. By 16 it had gone too far and I was too lost to stop.”

Patrick reached out then and covered my hand with his. I let my head fall in embarrassment. I didn’t want to look at him when I told him the next part. I pulled up my shirt sleeves to show off the scars on my forearms.

“I lied to you about these. They weren’t from an accident. I was depressed and I felt numb all the time. I used to cut myself. At least then, at that moment when I watched blood drip down my arm from the newest slice I’d made I felt something. It was the only time I ever felt anything.”

“Jesus, Gabrielle,” Patrick whispered, seemingly overwhelmed by my confession.

“I OD’d when I was 17. That’s when I died. After that my parents decided that they’d had enough. They never tried to help me, only saw me as a burden. They gave me my inheritance early and told me to leave. My high school counselor, Olivia, took me in. She was the only person in my life that gave a damn. She sent me to rehab. There’s a day in rehab when family comes in for a therapy session. None of my family showed up.

Olivia home schooled me and I went to community college after getting out of rehab. After graduating from there I moved here to Chicago and went to school to get my degree in psychology. Then I got my PhD. I wanted to help kids the way Olivia helped me. Olivia said she told my family about all of my accomplishments, but they never responded. They’d cut me out of their lives for good when I wanted nothing more than for them to see that I was different. Then I found out from Kaylen last night that they killed me.

So that’s my past, my story. I had a family that thought I was a burden and instead of proving them wrong I showed them they were right. I hurt and embarrassed them along with myself. I’m a terrible person that doesn’t deserve someone like you. I’m sorry for lying to you and stringing you along. You didn’t deserve it. I just wanted you to know why I lied. I’m so sorry again for what I did.”

I took a deep breath and stood up from my spot on the couch. Now that Patrick knew the truth I knew that our relationship was over. Who in their right mind wants to date an ex-drug addict with abandonment issues? No one sane, that’s for sure. I turned my back on him and began the walk to the door.

“Where are you going?” I heard him ask.

“I’m leaving,” I responded, glancing over my shoulder.

“Why?” It was a simple question, but I couldn’t comprehend it. It just didn’t make any sense to me.

“I…..I don’t…..I have to go,” I stuttered. I turned away again and reached for the door handle. Somehow in that short time Patrick had gotten up and across the room to reach me. I felt his hand on my arm and turned back.

“You’re not that person anymore, Gabrielle,” he whispered.

“Yes, I am. I’m always that person. Every day I’m that person and every day for the rest of my life I’ll be that person.” He looked into my eyes and forced me to look into his by placing his hand under my chin.

“No, you’re not. That Gabrielle was combative, vengeful, and didn’t care about anyone including herself. The Gabrielle I know is sweet, intelligent, and bends over backwards to help anyone and everyone she possibly can. The two can’t be more different. You’re not her anymore, Gabby, why can’t you see that?”

I took in his words in shock and surprise. Why wasn’t he angry with me? Why wasn’t he asking me to leave? There was no anger in his eyes, no disgust. I only saw sadness in them and new tears filled mine.

“You don’t deserve to take on my baggage, my trauma. I came out of it scarred literally and figuratively. I’m not okay. I don’t know that I’ll ever be okay,” I told him.

“I can’t even begin to imagine what your life must have been like in the past, but that’s exactly what it is. It’s a past. I’m sorry, so sorry about everything you went through, but I refuse to believe that you’ll never be okay. Of course you’re going to be scarred. No one would come out of that unscathed. The scars don’t make you, Gabrielle, how you deal with them does. You’re stronger than you think you are. You have to be if you beat all of that to become who you are now.”

“How are you like this? Why don’t you see me like everyone else that knows all that does?”

“I don’t give up on people I care about. I told you once I wanted to save you. I don’t go back on my word. I’m here, Gabby, and I’m not going anywhere.”

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. I fell into his arms and let the tears come. No one had ever said things like that to me before. No one had ever cared enough to even give me a chance, let alone a second one. He pulled back a little and looked down at me. My heart nearly exploded when his lips touched mine. If he could forgive me, maybe now I’d be able to forgive myself.