Chapter 35

It had been almost a week since Gabrielle had walked out his door. Although he knew that he was putting on a pretty decent façade to everyone, Patrick was a mess. His emotions were just all over the place. One moment he was depressed about her being gone, the next he was angry at her. It was tough to be so up and down all the time, and pretend like he was fine.

He’d managed to keep it all out of hockey, but he hadn’t been able to keep it from one person. Burs knew he wasn’t okay. It didn’t mean they talked about it a lot, but one night he’d just snapped. Patrick hadn’t meant for it to happen, but it just all came pouring out after a few beers.

“I can’t even begin to tell you the shit that she’s had to go through in her past, but it’s really fucked her up,” he started.

“Shouldn’t you be relieved then?” Burs had asked.

“No. No, I’m not relieved. I’m angry. I’m fucking livid.”

“About what?”

“I’ve been patient. I’ve sucked a lot of pride up to help her deal with things. I did everything the entire relationship her way, and what does she do? Freak out the one fucking time I do something she doesn’t expect and walk out. It’s fucking bullshit!”

“Tell me how you really feel, Sharpie.” Patrick had sighed then and taken another swig of his beer.

“I don’t know what else I could have done for her. I’ve gone over and over it in my head and I wouldn’t do anything different. At some point she should be able to do something for me, right?” He couldn’t help how he felt, and he just needed some confirmation that he wasn’t being a complete jackass as far as Gabrielle was concerned.

“Right. You know how I feel about relationships. I’m too selfish to be in one, and you can’t be selfish. You also can’t be a pushover. There’s a reason people always talk about compromise when they talk about relationships.” It was all obvious, everything Burish was saying, but it helped just a little to hear someone besides him say it.

“It just pisses me off that after all I compromised and went through with her she couldn’t just tell me the truth. She made a mistake walking out and I wish like hell I could tell her that.”

“You miss her.”

“Fuck.” Patrick didn’t want to miss her, not after the way she tried to just disappear on him. He wished he could just write her off and move on, but he couldn’t. That pissed him off right now too.

“So go get her. Tell her to buck the fuck up and deal with whatever issue she’s facing.”

“I can’t do that. Not right now anyway. I know Gabby. She just needs some time, a breather. Then I can go tell her all of that.”

It killed him to be so understanding. He hated that he was like that. Once in a while he wished he could just be an asshole and walk right into Paige’s house and tell Gabrielle exactly what he thought of her walking out the way she did. However he knew if he did that, he’d only drive her further away, and that wasn’t what he wanted. Despite how angry he was, he wanted her back with him.

Maybe that made him a fool, but he didn’t care. He loved her and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. It was hard to blame her for being the way she was when she’d lived the life she had. He just wished she’d had better timing with her freak out, or that he’d had better timing on slipping up and telling her he loved her, even if she wasn’t meant to hear it.

Right now he was just scared for her. As far as he knew Vince was still out there. While he couldn’t prove it, Patrick knew Vince wasn’t done. He didn’t think Vince would be done until he’d found Gabrielle or the police found him first. It was killing him to not be able to watch out for Gabrielle all the time. He could just add fear to the emotions he was feeling when he thought about her.

So he went about his business like normal. He woke up, went to the rink, practiced or played a game, went home and took care of Dudley. Then he went to bed and did it all over again. Every day, despite knowing better, he hoped that his phone would ring and Gabrielle would be at the other end, or she’d just show up at his door.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d wait for her. He didn’t know if she’d ever come back, or if he’d ever go to her. He wanted to go to her at some point, and at least talk to her. He had to see if there was any hope for them. But in order for there to be hope, Gabrielle was going to have to let go of her past and trust him. That was the only way they could ever work again.










I sat in Paige’s living room with a cup of tea and just stared out the window. I’d been doing that a lot lately. Most of the last few days had consisted of me zoning out while I stared at nothing. It was like my brain had just been overworked and shut itself down. It had been hard to function at all, and most days I didn’t want to.

I was overwhelmed with life in general. I was stressed out over Vince still being out there somewhere. Not having Patrick in my life anymore, at least for now, had hurt me so much more than I’d expected. On top of those things, work had been crazy. I felt like kids were just in and out of my office with a myriad of problems. I was worn out.

Most days I ended up at Paige’s after work. It was partly because she just sat with me. She never tried to force me to talk, but if I wanted to she listened and wouldn’t make me feel like I was crazy. It was also partly because I was afraid to be home. Today was no different. Loxley had jumped up onto the sofa with me and was sleeping with his head on my lap.

“Do you want anything to eat?” Paige asked from the kitchen. I shook my head, but didn’t respond. I probably should eat something since I hadn’t done much of that lately, but my appetite had disappeared.

“I miss him.” I hadn’t realized I’d said it out loud until Paige sat down next to me and gave me a sad look.

“What happened between the two of you?” she asked.

I still hadn’t given Paige a straight answer, because if I told her the truth, I’d have to explain. I hadn’t wanted to do that. I’d already had to get into things I’d never wanted to talk about or relive once in the last year. I hadn’t wanted to do it ever again. Now though, that didn’t seem to be so important anymore.

“He told me he loved me.”

“What?!” she exclaimed. I could tell that she was confused on how he could have told me that he loved me and then we’d somehow broken up. “What did you say?”

“I walked out,” I told her truthfully. She looked at me like I was insane, and now I was beginning to feel the same way.

“That’s why you two broke up? Because he told you he loved you?!” I nodded and felt tears start to sting my eyes. “I don’t understand.”

I knew it was time. Keeping secrets didn’t seem very important to me anymore. And so I opened up to Paige. I told her everything about my past. I finally answered her questions on why Vince was after me. I cried over Quinn. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I finished. I knew Paige well enough to know she wasn’t going to order me out of her place, but I wasn’t sure how she would react.

“Your family sucks.” I don’t know what it was about her statement that did it, but I suddenly burst out into laughter. It could have been the words, the way she said it. Maybe I was just finally cracking, but I couldn’t stop laughing. “Are you about done?” she asked as I wiped tears from my eyes and calmed down.

“I’m sorry?”

“Gabby, I love you. You’re one of my best friends, but I need to be frank with you about something. Is that okay?”

“Yes, please.”

“Maybe someday you’ll work things out with your family. Maybe you never will. None of that matters right now. What matters is that there is a man out there that knows all of that and loves you despite it all. He’s given you the one thing you craved your whole life. I get that it was scary but it’s time to be realistic. What are you going to do about it?” Paige was right. It was time to face everything.

“I just have to get through work tomorrow. He has a game Saturday. I’ll do it Sunday. I’ll tell him Sunday.” Paige looked at me and smiled while placing a hand on mine. Suddenly the world wasn’t so scary anymore.